


Blooming

by heonniebread



Category: GOT7
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Jaebum is oblivious, M/M, Mutual Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slice of Life, Smut, bambam the living meme, jackson's a teen dad, lowkey good boy/bad boy, markjae - Freeform, welcome to: the slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2020-10-17 07:42:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 62,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20617427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heonniebread/pseuds/heonniebread
Summary: Jaebum’s afraid of commitment, sucks at letting people in, and fucks up most of his relationships.(If you think you’ve read this then you’re not totally wrong. This went through a huge rewrite.)





	1. Chapter 1

Two hours into his shift and Jaebum finds her sitting on a stool in the historical nonfiction section. She’s flipping through an old booklet of photocopied passages of love letters from soldiers, her dark, wavy hair falling over her face. She seems like a well-behaved kid, probably a toddler, given her size, and careful in the way she pinches the corners of the book without a word. Jaebum doesn’t see very many kids in any section of the library that’s not the Kiddie Korner downstairs on the first floor. It’s why Jaebum would rather be up here shelving books instead of working the front desk, which sits right across from the entrance to Kiddie Korner. Jaebum doesn’t do the whole ‘kids’ thing.

He get back to his task and doesn’t bother the little girl. Jaebum’s not the best with children. He’s awful. He’s an only child. He doesn’t interact with kids. He has no experience with them, only hears them when they’re screaming, and avoids the gremlins at all costs.

Jaebum turns around to reach for some of the books on the library cart, and his hand knocks against something… that’s not the library cart. Or a book. He freezes, yanking his hand away from the girl who crossed the space between them to stand within an arm’s reach of him.

After a very, very awkward moment of silence, the girl staring up at him with wide, round eyes, she extends the booklet out.

“Sir?”

Jaebum, who’s pressed against the bookshelf now that he’s tried to put as much space as possible between him and the child, can’t move another inch without knocking the whole thing over.

The girl blinks up at him and takes another step forward. Jaebum takes a much larger step back.

“Sir?”

“Yeah,” Jaebum jumps when she extends her hand out.

“I’m Kaylee.”

He stares at her outstretched hand, belatedly realizing that she’s trying to shake his. He gingerly takes her hand in his, her tiny fingers curling around only three of his. She squeezes his fingers and Jaebum pulls away quickly, very aware of the size difference and the possibility of him crushing her tiny hand.

“Is that an owl?” She asks, pointing a tiny finger at Jaebum’s arm. He looks down at the unfinished tattoo inked on his bicep. The outlines are there, most of the shading is done, but the owl looks incomplete, all the small details of the feathers and it’s eyes, empty.

“Yeah,”

Kaylee’s eyes widen and she opens her hand, all her fingers stretching out. “Can I touch it?”

Jaebum has no idea how old this little girl is. He would guess like three or four, but doesn’t know when children start speaking in full sentences, and she’s already at an age where she’s confident in her pronunciation. So maybe she’s a little older, even though she reaches Jaebum’s mid-thigh. Barely.

Oh.

“Where are you parents?”

Kaylee’s hand stays stretched out, and slowly, not bothering to close the distance but letting her step over, Jaebum kneels so she can put a warm hand on his bicep. She seems to totally forget his question, grinning at the tattoo, and for a second all of Jaebum’s anxiety melts away.

“There’s no bumps!” She exclaims, now touching with both her hands. She makes a cute little sound of wonder when she runs his thumbs over his shoulder. Her finger slides down to the unfinished part, poking at his bare skin and she stares at him in confused wonder.

“It’s unfinished.” Jaebum says, touching the part of the owl’s claw where there are just the lines of its’ talons. The stomach is void, it’ll be the next step when he gets around to setting another appointment.

Kaylee looks confused for a beat longer, then her hands find their way to his other arm, pulling it from his side. She stares at Jaebum’s finished tattoo, at a clock face with roman numerals painted against his skin, the dials crushed and faded. There’s more color in this one, a little red on the numbers, a washed-out yellow on the face gives it an old and tarnished appearance. Kaylee presses on the numbers and tries to smudge the ink. She tries it again and again and with each swipe her eyes grow wider, and she finally pulls her hands away to clap.

“I want one!”

Jaebum reaches for her little hands, but then pulls away, fumbling with his own hands. She’s so small. Then she looks up with her big eyes and grins even wider, “Daddy! I want a painting on my arm!”

Over his shoulder stands the girl’s dad. But when Jaebum turns around, he needs to do a double-take. The man, with his blond hair pulled into a bun on his head, months undyed, his dark roots grown out several inches, and even with that scruff growing on his upper lip, looks everything like an overworked college student. As far as Jaebum knows, this guy is an overworked college student. He goes to the same university as Jaebum’s co-worker, and last semester he started showing up to sit in the fourth floor lounge and surround himself in books. Jaebum knows this guy as a regular, but has never noticed a toddler hanging around.

While standing, Jaebum towers over the guy. He’s taller by a few inches, and noticeably broader. The dad sees this, his gaze shifting to take in Jaebum’s size, and then pulls his hand out of his hoodie pocket to gesture for Kaylee. She rushes around and latches onto his leg, and his hand moves to cup the side of her head.

The father’s eyes shift down to Jaebum’s tattoos, down to his black jeans and converse, and then back up to his face. Jaebum stands a little straighter, feeling the judgement coming over. He can’t believe he’s being sized up and judged, especially not from someone that looks to be younger than him

“You should cover those up.” Is all the dad says, his voice deeply tired. His gaze remains set like stone.

Wow, what the_ fuck._

“Do my tattoos bother you?” Jaebum bristles and needs to hold the library cart to steady his fist before he gets himself fired. But the dad steps away, ushering Kaylee to follow.

Jaebum watches the dad go back to his seat at one of the desks in the center of the floor, and fumes for the rest of the day.

**\-----------------------------------**

The library sits near a university, and bustles with student life. They see students come in and out, and Jaebum keeps an eye out for Blond Asshole and Kaylee. Jaebum remembers a time when he thought that Blond Asshole was kind of hot; a buff guy with blond hair that lived in Adidas sweats. The ruggedly sporty but studious vibe used to get Jaebum pretty worked up, and he remembers a time when the guy’s blond hair was to the roots. As the semester progresses, his hair gets longer and unruly and ever since their meeting a few days ago in the historical non-fiction section, Jaebum just sees the guy as dirty.

“Jackson Wang.” Youngjae says over a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The cramped break room is the best option to avoid the muggy outdoors, even though the vending machine sounds like it’s on its’ way out, and whirs loudly enough to make Jaebum raise his voice when he tells his coworker Youngjae, what went down with the student that studies in the fourth floor lounge area.

“Jackson who?”

“Jackson Wang, your dad dude. I had a class with him like, two semesters ago. He’s really, like, loud —”

“If you think he’s loud then what the fuck are you?”

Youngjae laughs and jabs his elbow into Jaebum’s side. “He’s loud, but he’s a lot of fun. And he’s super smart.”

“If he goes around judging people by their tattoos, he’s a fuckin’ prick. I don’t give a fuck how book smart he is.”

Jaebum hates the way Youngjae hums, as if it has nothing to do with him. Jaebum blames Youngjae’s ever-growing nonchalance on Mark. “I thought he was cool. Too bad about that.”

Had they had this conversation a month ago, Jaebum would’ve pried more and wanted to know about Jackson and feed what used to be just lust-driven. Now, he doesn’t care. Youngjae’s blatant refusal in siding with Jaebum on this one is frustrating, too. He wants someone else to validate him, not brush off the occurrence like it’s no big deal. His tattoos mean something to him. To have someone else scoff at them rubs him the wrong way. Not even his parents took it that badly. Though, to be fair, they’d mostly given up on him once he started getting tattoo in places visible in a tee or shorts. His mother only (mildly) frowned when he showed up on holiday with a bar through his tongue.

He’s absently rubbing his fingers over the clock on his arm, over the dials and roman numerals, while Youngjae sits next to him, munching on lunch and looking down at his phone.

“Are you and Mark going out tonight?”

“Yep! It’s date night.” Youngjae barely looks up from his phone.

Jaebum takes out his phone and pulls up Grindr. He’s going out, too, then.

**\-----------------------------------**

If Jaebum says he’s not staring, call him a liar.

He’s still upset about the tattoo thing, but Jackson’s hot and has a great ass.

Some days Jackson’s alone, clicking away on a slim laptop that’s covered in Disney and Hello Kitty stickers. He sits with his textbooks open, sticks around for a few hours, and heads out around four-forty-five.

_That’s stalkerish, dude,_ Mark had said last night, when they got drunk in their apartment and Jaebum dumped out his feelings, mumbling something along the lines of _he’s a self-righteous, condescending dick_ — when only a week ago Jackson had just been “rude” —_ but still wanna fuck him. I wonder if he goes to class afterwards._

Maybe Jaebum pays a little more attention because he’s upset, or maybe he’s still curious about Kaylee, or maybe because Jackson’s_ still_ infuriatingly hot with a great ass. It seems like their eyes meet whenever they’re on the same floor, or when Jaebum’s watching the front end when Jackson exits. Before their small exchange, their interactions had been slim to none for a whole semester. Now, they’re aware of each other. Jaebum can’t look over and admire the growing stubble on Jackson’s chin for more than a second or two before his eyes catch Jackson’s, always exhausted and dazed, eyebags almost pitifully deep.

One day, they stare at each other for too long. Jackson’s attention gets pulled away by Kaylee tugging on his shirt. The way his expression switches so naturally to a look of complete adoration, no matter how exhausted the slump of his shoulders says he is, maybe makes Jaebum pay a little more attention because he’s still curious about Jackson Wang.

**\-----------------------------------**

A few weeks after The Tattoo Incident, Jaebum unsuccessfully dodges eye contact with Jackson and a wave from Kaylee as they exit the library, and turns around to see Youngjae staring at him.

“He goes to class after this.” Which is pretty on point to the conversation Jaebum had with Mark only a few nights ago. “I see him on Wednesday afternoons on campus, we’ve bumped into each other in Starbucks, like, a million times.”

Jaebum’s unsure if Youngjae’s comment says that he and Mark share a brain cell, or if it’s because Mark said something about Jaebum’s blooming curiosity over Jackson, or if it’s because he has a sixth sense of the feelings Jaebum actively avoids. All the above would make sense.

“He’s a nursing major, too, so I’ll probably see him again soon.” Youngjae looks up from his books, and Jaebum realizes he’s zoned out, running the ball of his tongue piercing against the back of his teeth, staring in Youngjae’s direction.

“So?”

“I see you looking~” Youngjae sing songs, and hollers when Jaebum takes the nearest notepad and chucks it. Youngjae’s a conniving devil. Maybe that’s why he and Mark work so well together.

**\-----------------------------------**

If Youngjae giggles one more time...

“Mark, stop it.”

And, cue the giggles.

“Can you two shut the fuck up?”

Mark has himself half draped over Youngjae on the opposite end of the couch, one hand too close to Youngjae’s crotch, his face buried in Youngjae’s neck.

“Shhhh, maybe he’ll go away.” Mark smirks and tightens his grip on Youngjae’s thigh, Jaebum can see his flash of white teeth from here. Jaebum grabs a pillow and swings with intent to cause pain, victorious when Mark shouts and jumps. Youngjae looks a little stunned, ready to intervene, and Mark looks pissed, his face scrunching up.

Most people would find that look intimidating, even if it’s on such a small man, but Mark’s not the only one in the room that’s studied martial arts. Jaebum can kick his ass, too.

“The fuck’s up your ass?” Mark doesn’t move any closer to Jaebum, steadied by his boyfriend’s arm around his shoulder.

“There’s_ nothing_ up my ass, that’s the problem.”

Youngjae laughs freely, while Mark stifles a laugh. “You’ve got a whole harem of men on standby, just give one of ‘em a call.”

Jaebum’s not in the mood for that. Not right now. He pulls the pillow he assaulted Mark with to his chest and brings his feet up on the couch, curling into the corner. Thankfully, Mark and Youngjae keep their hands to themselves. Mostly. Jaebum can’t help the way he watches them from the corner of his eye, the way they lean against each other, the way Mark perches his chin on Youngjae’s shoulder to whisper commentary into Youngjae’s ear. Youngjae smiles at everything Mark says. His hand slides down Mark’s thigh to find his hand and lace their fingers together.

When Mark dozes against Youngjae’s shoulder and Youngjae takes a moment to look down at him, Jaebum feels like he’s intruding on a private moment.

**\-----------------------------------**

Jaebum doesn’t have patience, and trying to explain how online shopping works to an elderly customer will only be funny later, when he retells the story to Mark when they’re stoned. She keeps handing him her debit card, asking for his personal opinion on blouses, and trousers, and a pair of velcro shoes. She’s reading her card number outloud and Jaebum struggles to keep her from shouting her banking information in the open area of the public computers section.

When he asks for her address to help her with shipping, she whips out her checkbook and hands it to him.

“Ma’am… you can’t… just…”

His tattoos are covered with the sleeves of his henley and he’s taken all his piercings out and he wonders if that’s why she trusts him. Not a lot of old people look at him favorably.

When her purchase is complete and Jaebum has handed her back all her things, he helps her to the door. He ignores the way Youngjae leans against the front desk and makes faces at him, phone stuck to his ear as he ignores the customer on the line. Then Jaebum helps the woman to her car. When he turns around, Jackson and Kaylee are standing on the steps, watching him. Kaylee waves, hopping on one foot to the other and if Jackson smiles, it’s hidden behind his hood. He turns away once Jaebum spots him, and heads in the direction of the university.

Kaylee spins around as they walk away, waving until she’s down the street and around the corner and it’s only when she’s out of view does Jaebum realize he’d been standing in the middle of the sidewalk, waving back, the entire time.

**\-----------------------------------**

Kaylee’s giggles dance between the bookshelves. Jaebum thought he’d seen her peeking at him from around the shelves, and he’s not sure how this ended up happening, but he’s discarded the library cart that’s stuffed full of books (of both his and Youngjae’s haul because he’s doing Youngjae’s part, so Youngjae can hide in the break room while he’s on the clock to study,) and plays peek a boo with a child around the stacks.

Every time he catches her peering at him, she squeals and giggles, clapping a hand over her mouth. She’s so good and quiet, and Jaebum’s awed by how well-behaved she is. It’s not just today that she’s good, it’s every day.

She looks so much like her father; she has his nose and his eyes. The only time Jaebum’s seen Jackson smile is when she goes over to him, when she pulls books off the shelf to show him and Jackson always stops what he’s doing to turn and look at her, and their smiles mirror each other’s. Jaebum has seen so many parents brush their children off, or even say they don’t care, that seeing Jackson dote on his daughter despite the constant interruptions to his studies makes Jaebum forget about The Tattoo Incident.

Even though it’s against all the rules, Jaebum chases Kaylee through the shelves. He doesn’t touch her out of fear of hurting her, but he peeks around the bookshelves and hides behind the cart and waits to jump out to scare her. Jaebum spins around the side of the cart and collides with Jackson.

He stumbles back, thankfully doesn’t land on his ass, and Kaylee comes running, her hands in the air, and gleefully exclaims, “Daddy caught you, Jaebum! You’re it!”

He got caught playing hide-and-seek with a child and something about that doesn’t compute. In his own brain.

Jackson catches her shoulder when she tries to speed by. He takes a step closer to Jaebum. “Thanks, dude.”

Maybe it’s the way the light hits him from behind, but Jackson looks like shit. His eyes are sunken in, and his glasses barely hide the ugly motley of his eyebags. He looks like he hasn’t slept. He looks like he’s losing weight. The dark roots of his hair are grown out even more.

At this closeness, Jaebum can see the pores and blackheads in Jackson’s skin. For some reason, he reaches out. He puts a hand on Jackson’s shoulder.

“Yeah. No problem.” It’s not totally clear what Jackson says thank you for, and Jaebum’s not sure what he himself means by whatever he’s saying, but he pulls his hand away and realises it’s four-forty-five. Time for Jackson to go to class.

Jaebum goes back to shelving the books, not bothering to look over his shoulder and say goodbye until he feels a tug on his shirt. Kaylee waves to him, and blows him a kiss with her two hands. Jaebum just smiles back at her.

“Thank you for playing with me.” Kaylee waves. Stands there and waves. And waves. Until Jaebum dumbly realizes she’s waiting for him to respond so he forces his smile a little wider — god, he’s so bad at this. He’d been playing with her only a few minutes ago, how is he back to being awkward? — and waves back.

Seemingly satisfied with his reaction, Kaylee goes back to where her dad waits for her by the elevator, his hand extended so she can take it, and they can walk out together.

**\-----------------------------------**

Jaebum doesn’t usually bring his dates to his apartment. He prefers going to someone else’s place so he can leave to avoid the morning-after awkwardness. He has a very short list of men he will bring home, but only because they follow a similar pattern. They’ll get some food, usually some Mexican food from a food truck, and it doesn’t matter whose place they go to, they’re out as soon as it’s over.

Last night’s fuck leaves at five in the morning after a phone call. Jaebum doesn’t hear the phone, just feels the vibrations of it, lost in the covers somewhere. He rolls over, blearily catches sight of the guy double checking his pockets, and when Jaebum opens his eyes again, the door is closed. Last night’s fuck, gone. The towel he used to wipe himself up last night is in the hamper. The condom wrapper has been moved from the floor to the garbage.

But Jaebum can’t go back to sleep, no matter how long he keeps his eyes shut for. Around six he gets up and stretches, groaning as his back pops and his fingers crack.

Mark leaves for work around six-thirty so it’s no surprise that he’s up now, a chair pushed up against the window in the dining area, screen pushed open and his elbow hooked out the window. He stares out at the parking lot, a cigarette burning between his fingers. He takes a slow drag and Jaebum gets closer, ignoring the crave that creeps through his system and twitches his fingers when he smells nicotine.

“This is my last one.” Mark says.

“Hm. Sounds familiar.”

Mark rests his chin against his arm, taking another deep drag. “Youngjae wants me to quit. So, I’m quitting.”

Jaebum stares at the head of red hair, the smoke swirling mostly out the window, some of it coming back to taunt him. “Sounds familiar.”

“No… he…” Mark moves to stare at his half-smoked cigarette. “He’s really serious this time.”

Jaebum and Mark are practically the same person; they’re perfect roommates, best friends that would go to the ends of the Earth for each other but betray each other for a half-off code to UberEats. They always manage to have a good time together, or call each other out on shitty life choices, or support shitty life choices. Smoking happens to be a thing that he has no opinions over. Jaebum quit a few years ago and still gets cravings but doesn’t see why his own choice in the matter should change Mark’s.

“He said he’s gonna break up with me if I don’t quit.”

But the biggest difference between them is their relationships. Jaebum can’t hold them down. For the longest time he thought he and Mark were the same in that aspect, too, since he’d seen Mark go through men and women like water. When he introduced Mark and Youngjae at his twenty-second birthday three years ago, he never thought_ they_ would happen.

It took some time; Mark had issues about dating someone not out of the closet, Jaebum didn’t support it because he didn’t think their dynamics would make any sense at all. Now that they’ve been together for over a year, he doesn’t know who they’d be without each other. It’s strange to him, that two people who are so different can find so many similarities and weave together the way Mark and Youngjae do.

He doesn’t _get it_, either. Love? Soulmates? Sometimes he looks at Mark and Youngjae and he thinks he gets it; he sees how they’re different now compared to a year ago; how they’ve grown and flourished individually, but went through the ride together. He sees that Mark’s healthier, happier, and will take any chance to even so much as hold Youngjae’s hand. He sees how Youngjae attacked his studies with a hole new vigor when Mark supported his nursing decision when his parents would not. Jaebum sees that Youngjae takes photos of little things and sends them to Mark, and Jaebum’s seen the way Mark smiles when he receives those messages. Jaebum sees the way Mark changes little things; eating habits, day-off plans, just to be with Youngjae.

He wonders how much effort they have to put into this; into _them_, when it always seems so effortless between them.

He doesn’t get how Youngjae can threaten to break up with Mark over a cigarette (he smoked a pack a day when they met, is down to a handful a week) when Youngjae looks at Mark in a way couples do in movies.

Maybe their relationship isn’t as effortless as it seems.

Jaebum takes a step back. He’s never understood holding onto relationships, what’s the point of fixing it when it’s already broken? What’s the point —

“I love him.”

Jaebum feels weird. His legs feel tingly, like they’re falling asleep. His chest feels. Weird. But, as the friend to the couple, he sees it. He cares about Mark and Youngjae and he doesn’t want them to break up. They should fix it; stay together.

Weird.

“Dude, I love him so fucking much, and we’ve been fighting about this for-fucking-ever. I don't know why he still puts up with me”

They’ve done a great job at hiding it.

“I don’t want to lose him over something so stupid.”

Jaebum takes the unfinished cigarette from Mark. He’s not surprised that Mark doesn’t fight it. He’s not surprised when Mark willingly hands him over a half-empty pack from his hoodie. He’s not surprised to find an unopened pack on the nightstand, only a few feet away from where Youngjae sleeps.

Jaebum takes the garbage from the kitchen and sets it down next to Mark.

Mark takes the cigarettes back and opens them, dropping them into the garbage, throwing week-old leftovers on top, to bury them.

When Mark leaves for work, he slips into his room to give Youngjae a kiss on his forehead, but doesn’t wake him.

Mark’s the only person that Jaebum will hug like this; hold on tightly to, and whisper_ good luck, I support you two_ into his ear, and truly, truly mean it.

**\-----------------------------------**

The way Kaylee’s eyes widen when she sees Jaebum enter the fourth floor makes it looks like she sits there staring at the elevator, waiting for him. It also makes something weird flop over in Jaebum’s stomach.

Jackson looks alarmed when Kaylee leaps from the chair, discarding the tablet on the table to run across the room. He relaxes when he sees it’s Jaebum.

Weird.

Today, Jaebum gives Kaylee a job. Maybe it’s not very nice to make a kid help him put books back on the shelf, but she’s enthralled with the task, and runs up and down the aisles looking for books and she counts on her fingers sometimes, and Jaebum’s not sure what exactly she’s doing, and doesn’t get mad when she puts a book back in the wrong spot. She struggles to push the library card and insists she doesn’t need help, but Jaebum will reach over and give her a little help when she won’t notice it. When she thinks she did it all on her own, Jaebum lets her think that.

Eventually, he stops noticing when Jackson watches. At first Jackson didn’t seem to like the idea and told her to stay put.

“Stop bothering him, pumpkin, he’s trying to work.” Jackson wears a snapback today. It’s probably been a few days since he’s properly washed his hair.

“I don’t mind.”

Jackson looks up at him and, oh, right, Jaebum said that outloud?

“There’s a children’s section. It has toys and stuff. I can take her down there.”

What?

“I… I just. Can’t study down there. It’s too noisy and Kaylee’s usually pretty good just —”

“It’s fine.” Jaebum convinces himself. And Jackson. Mostly himself. He sticks his hand out and Kaylee comes running. Jaebum feels.

Warm.

It’s weird.

He smiles down at her instead of looking at Jackson, who’s staring at him, a funny expression on his face.

“I… I don’t want to leave her alone.”

“There’s always someone monitoring the kid’s corner. She won’t be alone.” Jaebum looks up at Jackson. “It’s not unusual for kids to come to the library, y’know._ And _it’s a free service.”

Something about that resets Jackson. His shoulders slump and he looks like a worried father. He looks like an adult, like someone that has way too many responsibilities for their age. Jaebum feels bad. It’s not quite pity, since pity feels pathetic, but he empathises. Jaebum thinks his life has gone pretty well, all things considered. His parents had money, paid most of his struggles away, sent him off to a good school, and even though he dredges through chuseok with them, the only time of the year they’ll see each other face-to-face, he still got a fully paid for college education out of them.

He’s had an apartment of his own in high school, roomed with Mark since twenty-one, and even if working in a library isn’t related to his business major in the slightest, he really thinks he’s skimmed through life fairly easily.

Things for Jackson seem the opposite. He looks like he doesn’t sleep, doesn’t eat well, and devotes all his time to Kaylee or his books. Jaebum never had to push himself through college, never had extra responsibilities. He can’t imagine what it’s like to do it all with a child. Jaebum thought that having kids meant a person’s life ended. But the way Jackson looks at Kaylee with more love than Jaebum’s received from his parents his whole life, has Jaebum pushing aside his own opinions, and pushing out the judgemental voice in the back of his head that sounds too much like his mother.

“I’ll take her to Kiddie Korner, it’s no big deal. Taylor’s down there playing with the kids.”

Jackson looks pretty torn, but says, “Okay.”

They don’t exchange any words as Jackson goes to Kiddie Korner to say goodbye to his daughter, throwing Jaebum a look over his shoulder before heading back upstairs to study.

**\-----------------------------------**

Taylor goes to the local high school and works the Kiddie Korner after school for a few hours. She reads to the kids and plays arts and crafts. Jaebum has never stepped foot into the children’s section, but isn’t at all surprised by the chaos, or the glitter, or the kid screaming in the corner, and is still very much overwhelmed by it. Taylor’s surprised look upon seeing him doesn’t feel that great.

“JB? What’s up?” She looks down at Kaylee, who has one hand completely enclosed in Jaebum’s. He releases her immediately, but her little hand comes and grabs the hem of his shirt.

“Just bringing Kaylee to come and play with you guys.”

“Oh, it’s nice to meet you!” Taylor kneels, bringing out her glowing smile. She’s great with kids, even somehow likes hanging out with them, but Kaylee retreats. Both her hands come to grip on Jaebum’s black jeans and his head spins when she shoves her face into the back of his knee. He’s completely stiff, unsure of what to do as Kaylee_ hides behind his legs._

He’s afraid to move at all. She’s never been so close to him, he’s never allowed it, but here she is latching onto him and Jaebum’s, oh god, what if he steps back and hurts her.

Taylor wiggles closer and Kaylee takes one panicked look around the room, at the other screaming kids, and her little fingers squeeze tighter on Jaebum’s jeans.

There’s something oddly comforting to think that she’s scared, too. There’s something a little less comforting about knowing that he’s the _adult_ here, and Jaebum gingerly places a hand on her head. His hand is nearly as big as her head. Her smallness frightens him.

“Don’t you want to play with the other kids?” Taylor asks, looking up at Jaebum for help but Jaebum has no idea what to fucking do.

Kaylee shakes her head and presses her face into the back of Jaebum’s leg. He feels. Protective. Like he should be doing something. Soothing her? She’s trusting him. He doesn’t know why. This is a lot of responsibility and his hands are getting sweaty.

“Do you want to draw?” Jaebum asks, feeling too big next to Kaylee, unsure of what to do with his hands. “Do you want me to sit with you?”

That gets her moving. Taylor shows Jaebum where they keep the crayons and construction paper and all those things, locked in a closet with a key that Taylor carries around. Jaebum sits on a stool so small his knees fold over and he has to hunch to reach the table. He hands Kaylee crayons and gets glitter for her when she asks.

Kaylee draws a picture of her family; her grandparents, her dad, and her. Jaebum notices there’s no mom in the picture, and a vice squeezes his heart. He wonders if Jackson has any help outside his parents. He wonders why Kaylee doesn’t draw a mom.

Then Kaylee takes a red crayon and gives her daddy a cape.

“Daddy’s a superhero, like IronMan and Owlette.” Kaylee says, doing her very best to color in the lines she made. “He brings me home muffins and croissants and then we study and then we go to class.” She draws little brown crescents in the corner of the picture and Jaebum thinks they’re supposed to be pastries.

“Where does your dad work?”

“A bakeshop!”

“A bakery?” He must get up early, then. No wonder he looks so tired all the time.

“Yeah. He makes donuts, and scones, and… and…” Kaylee draws a circle with a little white thing coming out of it, and Jaebum’s not sure how this happens, but he takes a guess,

“Cream puffs?”

And gets it right.

**\-----------------------------------**

Taylor suggests making a folder for Kaylee, so she can put all her artwork aside and give it to her dad as a gift when the semester ends. Kaylee throws her hands up in the air at the idea, and after a few hours, ends up in the circle with the rest of the kids, yawning as Taylor reads them a story about a fish that shares his scales.

Jaebum helps clean up the tables, wiping glitter and battling it out with dried glue, until Jackson pokes his head into the room. It reminds Jaebum of the way Kaylee plays peek-a-boo around the shelves upstairs. He gives up on a wad of dried glue and walks over to Jackson.

“Is it time for you to go?”

Jackson nods. He looks small, holding one backpack strap with one hand, his Dragon Ball tee shirt huge and swallowing him up. He wears grey joggers, and the same sneakers as usual. Jaebum wonders if he owns any other pair.

“Thank you.” Jackson says in a breath, looking panicked and a little shell shocked. “I’m — thank you for bringing Kaylee here. She gets nervous with other kids and I can’t sit down here to study and… It’s not… It’s not fair to her.”

“It’s fine.” Jaebum spots Youngjae, who can see the entrance to the children’s wing from the front desk, and avoids all scandalized and shocked gazes thrown in his direction. Jaebum knows Youngjae’ knows that Jaebum’s never set foot in here, and Youngjae’s face means weeks of badgering, and that Mark will hear about this.

“She really likes you. She talks about you a lot.” Jackson’s gaze burns hot on Jaebum’s face. He ignores the intensity of it.

“She’s a good kid.”

Kaylee turns around from her spot in the circle of kids, grinning when she sees her dad. She gets up and runs to him, and Jackson throws his things on the floor so he can lift her, mirroring her huge smile. She holds on tightly, wrapping two arms around his neck and squishing their cheeks together.

“Hi daddy.” She says, happy like she hasn’t seen him in days when it’s only been a couple of hours.

“Hi pumpkin.” Jackson presses a wet kiss to her face. “Hi angel. My beautiful princesa.”

**\-----------------------------------**

When Jackson leaves, Kaylee blows kisses. Jaebum pretends to catch one.

Youngjae’s mouth falls open, and he’s pushing away a customer and waving her late fees (they’re only a couple of bucks) so he can get her out of the way and so he can —

“Who are you?” He accuses.

“Don’t —”

“What was that?”

“Shut the fuck —”

“Are you…” Youngjae gasps, putting a hand over his mouth. “An alien?”

Jaebum grabs three random books off the counter and uses the last half hour of his shift to put them away.

It takes about that long for his furious blush to go away.

**\-----------------------------------**

“I’m looking for a book. The girl has cancer, I think.”

And that’s it. That’s all the customer offers.

Youngjae spins his chair away to not have to deal with this and Jaebum thinks, _demon child_. For a second, Jaebum acts like he’s mentally filing through some imaginary, stored catalogue that has all the information of all the books in the library, and beyond. Because the customer must assume he has one, or that he can name all the books in the world in alphabetical order, or some shit.

“You’re gonna have to give me more than that.” He rubs his temples, closing his eyes and pretending like he doesn’t hear Youngjae snort from over his shoulder. “What else?”

“It’s, uhm,” The customer is staring at him, eyebrows pressed together. Jaebum opens one eye and stares up, waiting for more information. “Are you…._ patronizing_ me?”

Jaebum closes his eyes, hopes that the customer will be gone when he opens them. “No,” He says, slowly and thickly.

“It’s a simple question.”

“I asked a simpler one.”

The customer looks furious, Jaebum can hear the way they inhale. He doesn’t care.

“Is it The Fault in Our Stars?”

The customer deflates, redness ebbing away and surprise slowly replacing the look on their face. “Oh,”

“By John Green?”

“Yes!”

Jaebum hates that he guessed it correctly. Like, really hates that he does. Because now the customer must be convinced he has some telepathic link with all the books in the world.

“Second floor, YA section. The books are in order by author’s last name.”

As the customer heads up the stairs, Jaebum spins around to see Youngjae leaning over his own chair, tapping his pencil on his notebook, a silly grin on his face. “Oh, Wan Shi Tong, I come seeking your infinite wisdom.”

“Shut up.”

Youngjae’s laugh is too loud for a library. But it’s alright, on the first floor. They’re manning the front today — well, Youngjae should be. But Jaebum covers it so Youngjae can sneak in some time to study. He answers the phone when their boss Maria hovers, just to make it look like he’s not wasting payroll.

After four-thirty is the perfect time for this, though. Maria hides in the office to finish up her things for the day, there aren’t many customers for at least another half hour or so, when people will line up and parents come in for their kids, students will be leaving for dinner —

Wait. It’s a few minutes past five.

“Hey, have you seen Jackson and Kaylee come through?”

Youngjae barely glances up from the skeletal diagram in his textbook. “No?”

Jackson and Kaylee never miss a night without saying good-bye, and they never stay past 4:50. Jaebum’s sure he hasn’t seen them. He tells Youngjae he’s stepping away for a second and goes up to the fourth floor.

The first thing he sees as the elevator doors ding open is Jackson, slumped over his laptop, out like a light. Kaylee plays on a tablet, the sounds muted, her eyes a lit with amusement in whatever game she’s playing.

In the span of two seconds, too many emotions fly through Jaebum’s head. The loudest one is: _Please get some sleep, Jackson._

He feels so guilty waking Jackson up, putting a hand on his shoulder and giving him a gentle nudge. Kaylee waves excitedly, goes back to her game, then looks up when her dad groans into the desk. Jaebum gives it a moment, allowing Jackson to lift his head and smack his lips, adjusting the hood on his head so it’s not covering his eyes. He doesn’t look surprised to see Jaebum, just a little confused, stretching his arms over his head with a yawn.

“What’s up?”

His back pops as he sits back up and he grimaces, like he must be sore from sleeping hunched over a desk.

“It’s after five.” Jaebum’s gaze traces the lines from Jackson’s hoodie embedded in his cheek and Jaebum feels an inexplicable urge to rub at them. To soothe the skin, because there’s nothing else he can do for Jackson.

He wants to help?

Jackson rushes, a flurry of hushed apologies and even more hushed curses that Kaylee’s oblivious to as she taps away on the tablet. Jaebum stands there, staring at the grooves in the desk, only knocked out of it when Jackson reaches out and wraps a hand around his wrist. Jaebum’s gaze snaps back up, his thoughts and sense of self slowly coming back to him. Jackson’s never been so close. And he’s holding Jaebum’s wrist, tenderly, and his voice is even more gentle,

“Thank you, Jaebum.” He sound so composed. “Thank you.” So sincere. While Jaebum’s world slips out of focus.

Jaebum stands there for a minute, even after Jackson and Kaylee are gone.

And later, Mark will find him staring into the cabinet above the stove as he plays that moment back in his head.

“What’s wrong with you?” Mark spits toothpaste into the kitchen sink, stepping closer to his roommate. Jaebum stares at the probably expired bag of Honey BBQ chips.

“I have…” He furrows his brow. Shakes his head.

“You have…. what? Those chips need to get thrown out.” Jaebum doesn’t answer, so Mark moves on. “Jae’s gonna be here soon.”

Oh, good, something else to think about. “His parents don’t question why he doesn’t go home for like, days at a time?”

“They do.” Jaebum tags along as Mark goes back to the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth. “But they think my name is Alex, and that I’m a ‘study-buddy.’”

“You’ve been his ‘study buddy’ for over a year.”

“Last semester my name was Jared.”

“Nineteen, and I never fuckin’ learned how to read.”

Mark rinses his mouth out, then turns to look at Jaebum. “Are you broken? Jae’s the vine guy.”

“Well, he’s not here, and he’s missed.”

“Awww, cute.” Mark bumps Jaebum with his shoulder, and Jaebum just goes with the motions like a ragdoll.

“Is he gonna tell his parents?”

Mark shrugs, standing in the hallway with Jaebum just hovering. “Nah, they’re homophobic as fuck. I can’t be that pressed about it.”

Jaebum pauses for a second, the sounds of his mother’s sobs flooding his senses and pounding louder than his heartbeat, and then Mark’s asking,

“Dude. The fuck’s wrong with you?”

_I have a crush on Jackson. Or, caught feelings. Whatever._

Jaebum’s phone pings with a text. It’s Grindr, this latest match agreeing to come over. Jaebum uses this as a way to stop thinking. He doesn’t know what’s going on in his own head.

Mark, doing his best as the best friend, might be piecing it together, though. He studies Jaebum with his eyebrows pressed together, a line of worry creasing his forehead, and Jaebum ducks away to ask his date what time they should meet.

**\-----------------------------------**

Kaylee wears down a grey crayon to nothing, drawing pictures of elephants all over a sheet of paper while spewing facts about the massive mammals that Jaebum thinks he might’ve heard before, but pretends he doesn’t know. Kaylee’s whole face lights up when she talks about them. She waves her hands around and draws a herd of them and tells Jaebum how her nai-nai fell asleep last night watching a movie about elephants. Jaebum almost asks her if she’s seen Dumbo, but remembers it as one of those children’s movies that’s not really a children’s movie.

“Nai-nai? What language is that?”

Kaylee gives the littlest elephant and pink bow. “Mandarin!” She proudly puffs out her chest. “I’m Asian-Hispanic! I’m… Chinese. And, and, Colombian. And.” She holds out three fingers. “American.”

Jaebum has struggled understanding himself, where he fits between here and Korea, and can only imagine the way Jackson has tried to explain this to her. He hopes that things are easier for Kaylee. He hopes that as people become more comfortable with who they are, that the world Kaylee’s growing into will accept her and all the pieces she’s made of. His own family spent much time back and forth between the United States and South Korea, and he has memories of disjointed school years, starting there and ending here, or vice versa, while his parents figured out where to settle, or while they figured out what to do with their company. Pieces of Jaebum are misplaced between the countries, but it always feels good to say_ Korean-American_. It’s who he is. Kaylee doesn’t seem to have that problem. She’s young, much younger than he had been during his first move to the U.S, but has a grasp of what makes her, her. Jaebum hadn’t learned to weave his two identities together until only a few years ago, well after he’d graduated from university.

He belatedly notices Kaylee stares at him, waiting for him to share.

“I’m Korean-American.” He says with a smile.

“Like Jinyoung-oppa and Yugyeom-oppa!” Kaylee grins, going back to coloring in an elephant’s bow. “Are you Jaebum-oppa?”

“You can call me that.” Jaebum replies, trying to remember if he had even been half as smart as her when he was younger. He wonders if this is all Jackson’s doing, if Jackson really finds the time to educate her on these things while he pulls himself thin. The sense of responsibility he must have is light years beyond Jaebum’s own. Jaebum can’t handle a kid and knows he’d never be able to handle one. Sometimes he can’t even take care of himself — thank God for Mark. He doesn’t know the first thing about being a parent. His mother and father were never very good models, anyway.

A screaming child yanks him back into the moment (how’d he zone that out?) and Kaylee colors in the pink bow on the second little elephant.

“Are they sisters?”

The way Kaylee shakes her head makes Jaebum almost feel dumb for asking. “No, they’re _brother_ and _sister_.” She huffs, “Boys can like pink, too. _My_ favorite color is green.”

“Hm,” Jaebum rests his cheek against his palm. “Who taught you that?”

“Daddy. Daddy says boys and girls can like _whatever_ color they want.”

Jaebum’s heart increases in size.

“Do you have brothers or sisters?” Kaylee asks, scribbling a stick figure family on a new sheet of paper.

“No, I’m an only child.”

Her stick-figure wears black pants, and she’s coloring in a black tee-shirt. “Do you have a mommy and a daddy?”

Jaebum fidgets, weirdly pressured by conversation with a toddler. “I do. But they’re home in Korea.”

Kaylee looks up at him, round, beautiful eyes full of wonder. “Are you alone here?”

_Alone._ Right. She doesn’t mean it to stomp his heart, but Jaebum feels trampled. “I’m… Yeah. I’m here by myself.”

“You can be a part of my family.” Kaylee takes a green crayon and draws one arm on the stick figure, then draws the other one in red. Jaebum stares down at the four stick figures, heart thumping when Kaylee introduces each one of them, “Yugyeom-oppa,” A tall one, “Jinyoung-oppa,” One holding a square, maybe a book? “Daddy.” One with a scribble of yellow for his hair, “And you.” The two different arm colors are for his tattoos.

The paper slides over the desk, and Jaebum glances at Kaylee, not understanding until she pushes it into his hands.

“For you, Jaebum-oppa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you don’t understand the atla reference i will personally tie you to a chair and force feed you the entire show


	2. Chapter 2

Kids are demons.

Somewhere in the distance, Youngjae laughs and records the scene of Jaebum playing with children. Taylor had noticed that Jaebum really only sticks around Kaylee, made the point that she needs to socialize, since that’s the whole point of Kiddie Korner, and now Jaebum finds himself socializing, too. With gremlins.

If the past few weeks have proven Jaebum anything, it’s that he’s good with Kaylee, not other children. For a split second he thought Aiden as well behaved, since Aiden colored diligently at another table, all alone, but it turns out he sits alone because he put gum in Tessa’s hair. Because Tessa pushed him. Now, Tommy runs around the duck-duck-goose circle, not calling out goose because he wants to run and won’t listen to Taylor. She takes a deep breath and tries to be patient and Jaebum sits cross legged, knees folded up, so he doesn’t accidentally knock against the little kids sitting at his sides. This is awkward.

Tommy slams a fist down on Fernanda’s head and yells, “Goose!!”

Fernanda wails, both her hands flying to cover her head.

Jaebum’s hand reaches out when Tommy rushes past him. He’s not sure what, exactly, he would’ve said had he put Tommy in front of Fernanda. It’s probably better that the conniving toddler’s speeding out of reach.

Sitting across from him, Kaylee looks mortified. He wants to get up and tell her it’s okay, but he’s the adult and he has to handle the situation.

Right.

The adult. In a sea of agitated toddlers.

How did his life end up like this?

He tells Taylor to get Tommy, since she has much better patience, and takes Fernanda to the bathroom in the back of Kiddie Korner. She’s crying, snot mixing with fat tears as she wails. The sound makes Jaebum’s ears rings. He wants to put her down.

After setting her down on the counter, he digs through the cabinets and finds one of those cold packs activated when crushed. He crushes it, which thankfully catches Fernanda’s attention, and her wails lessen in volume. She’s sniffling, rubbing at her nose and smearing snot all over her cheeks. Because that’s not absolutely disgusting.

There are paper towels on the counter, and for a second Jaebum’s hand just hovers over Fernanda’s face, paper towel pinched between two fingers, and he freezes, as if, like, he’s never done this before and it’s some huge ordeal.

“You should wet it, first.”

Jackson’s voice sounds like it comes from the heavens. Jaebum spins around and hopes he doesn’t look as overwhelmed as he feels. It’s just a kid, for Christ’s sake. He’s so pathetic. If Jackson notices anything, he doesn’t say it. He takes the paper towel from Jaebum’s hand, who gratefully scurries to the side, and pulls another one from the roll. Jackson gets it wet after checking the water temp, and holds the cold pack to the top of Fernanda’s head while dabbing her face with the towel. Somehow, probably by Dad Magic, she’s laughing by the time Jackson’s done cleaning her snot and tears.

“Can you hold this on your head?” Jackson asks, and Fernanda’s little hands fly up to her head, to hold the cold pack in place. “You’re awesome!”

She beams up at him. Jackson gives her a thumbs up and with a very uncoordinated gesture, she’s throwing up her own version of a thumbs up. Jackson applauds her again, tells her she’s so talented (even though it was just a thumbs up?? Jaebum doesn’t understand this praising kids, thing.) and throws the dirty paper towel in the garbage.

When Jackson turns to Jaebum, he notices Jackson looks different. He looks much less exhausted, like he slept last night. Kaylee hurries to his side and latches onto his leg, and Jackson doesn’t even have to look to know just where to reach to so his hand can cup the side of her head. Jaebum fears he’d probably accidentally hit her in the eye, or something.

Actually — he remembers that she had latched onto_ his_ leg, only last week, in fear of strangers.

Jackson smiles, twists his body without interrupting Kaylee on his leg, and lifts Fernanda off the counter. With her koala-clinging to his upper body and Kaylee getting jealous that someone else is touching her daddy, Jackson wobbles out with one arm scooped under Fernanda, and the other with a tight grip on Kaylee’s hands, as he trudges out of the back room with Kaylee’s feet over his.

He looks like a dad.

What a dumb revelation.

Of course he’s a dad. Kaylee’s_ right there_, standing on his feet as he hobbles towards Taylor and the other kids. She has his wide, brown eyes and huge smile. Jackson dotes on her, cares for her, and Kaylee’s perception reveals that her curiosity is fulfilled and stimulated, but sometimes Jackson looks like such a worn college kid that Jaebum forgets. He seems more of Jackson the Student than Jackson the Dad, which caused some sort of wall between the two.

Jaebum watches the two halves of Jackson come together.

And, maybe, just maybe, Jaebum doesn’t hate kids.

Maybe, just maybe, he’s caught feelings for Jackson.

His heart skips a beat at the way Jackson weaves through the other kids, at the way he smiles, and the way his eyes sparkle and displays genuine interest and rapt attention. He leads Tommy away from the other kids and gets down to Tommy’s level, holding both the boys hands and directing Tommy’s attention on him. He says something, and keeps Tommy in an eye-lock that’s so intense Jaebum feels it across the room.

Instead of watching the scene like a creep, he goes to help Taylor with clean-up. Parents are coming in to get their kids, and Fernanda comes to give Jaebum a hug before she leaves. Her mother doesn’t speak much English, and Jaebum’s brain struggles to remember the super basic Spanish he absorbed in college, wishing her a good weekend. She grins at him, wishes it back, and takes Fernanda’s backpack so she can run across the library.

He goes back to cleaning, straightening up chairs and fixing a foam mat that’s bunched up in the corners. Jackson comes up to him then, a wide smile on his face. He nudges Kaylee forward, and she thrusts a glittery card into Jaebum’s hands.

“For you.”

It’s an invitation to her birthday party. ‘Party’ is spelled ‘partee’, crossed out, then spelled correctly. There are at least eight different colors in it. The card still smells like sharpie.

Jaebum looks down at Kaylee, then back at the date. It’s a Sunday. The library is closed Sundays. He has no reason not to go, doesn’t feel the need to back out, anyway. He’s going to go a five year old’s birthday party. Because he wants to. This is the quickest he’s ever made a decision.

“You can bring a plus one.” Jackson has both his hands on Kaylee’s shoulders, swinging her gently side to side as she giggles and grips his sleeves. “You spend a lot of time with Youngjae, if you want to bring him.”

“Sunday’s he goes to his boyfriend’s house. But I’ll ask him.”

Jackson doesn’t seem phased by the word ‘boyfriend’. Honestly, after a few conversations with Kaylee, Jaebum didn’t expect a negative reaction.

“It’ll be packed with kids and I’ll probably be running around, so if you bring someone to hang out with, and stop by for even, like, half an hour, it’ll make Kaylee’s day. I’ll bring the food out at noon, if you just want to stop by for a burger, or something.” Jackson shoos Kaylee off to use the bathroom one last time before they go. She rushes off. “And if you don’t want to come, I get it. There’s not much for you to do at a five year old’s —”

“I’ll be there.” It starts at eleven. He can still sleep in.

“Okay.” Jackson grins. “Text me.”

“Yeah,” Jaebum says, tucking the card into his back pocket. “I’ll text you,” Seems like such an ordinary thing to say. But it’s not until Jackson’s gone that he realizes he doesn’t have Jackson’s number.

Until he looks at the card. In the corner, in plain blue ink, is a phone number.

Jaebum plugs Jackson’s number in his phone, but decides to wait a few days before texting.

For, like, reasons.

**\-----------------------------------**

Bambam’s hair is completely stripped and underneath the lamp, looks like straw. It’s white now, when two weeks ago it’d been bright blue. Jaebum comments on it.

“Deadass thought my hair was gonna fall out. I was on, like, the third chemical treatment and it smelled so fuckin’ bad.” Bambam pulls the mag away from Jaebum’s arm, sliding his chair to get a new angle to get at the empty area of the owl’s stomach on Jaebum’s bicep. His warm hands wrap around Jaebum’s arm, and then he’s back to work. Jaebum barely feels the needles as the artist works on shading in a tree trunk.

Jaebum has all the photos on the wall memorised by now, considering how many time he’s sat in this very chair, but stares at them anyway. Bambam’s line work is precise and clean. It’s why he gets clients at only twenty-two. This parlor belongs to his aunts but Bambam’s sharp line work drew many likes, comments and shares online.

“You should go back to blond.” The charms of the bangles on Bambam’s bracelet skitter on Jaebum’s skin. The coolness is welcomed.

“Why would I ever?”

When Bambam discovered his love of bleaching the shit out of someone else’s hair his freshman year of high school, Jaebum’s senior year, Jaebum had willingly been the first victim. The first bleaching attempt had been on school grounds in the bathroom during lunch hour. Jaebum still gets a laugh when he thinks of the look of horror his mother had when he returned home that day. In hindsight, a dye-job over a toilet, rinsed out with drinking fountain water, wasn’t the best idea.

It took another two treatments to get his hair a less coppery, swatchy blond. Those times happened in the boys bathroom, again, while the two skipped P.E. Mark volunteered to be next, and ended up with green hair when he gave full consent for Bambam to do whatever he wanted. And then Jaebum and Bambam became best friends behind the bleachers during a football game, where Bambam gave Jaebum his first earrings with a sewing needle and an ice cube.

Now Bambam has actual certificates that give him credentials to do these things professionally. And, professionally done or not, all the studs lining Jaebum’s ear, his eyebrow piercing, the now-closed nose ring, the still-open monroe and the bar through his tongue, have all been done by Bambam.

“I think,” Bambam says, eyes focused on where he’s coloring in Jaebum’s arm, “That if we did it again, now that I know what I’m doing, you’d look hot as fuck.”

Maybe he considers it, for half a second. “Mark’s thinking about going blond. You should talk to him.”

“His hair has been ketchup red for the past like, year. His scalp fuckin’ cries every time I do a treatment for him. You know who I wanna get blond?”

“Youngjae?”

“Youngjae.” Bambam pulls away only a for a second to snap his fingers in confirmation. “Tell me he wouldn’t look hot as fuck. Tell me.”

“Get Mark in on it and your wish’ll come through.”

“Next time. I gotta get Mark to finish that fuckin’ tattoo, first.” Bambam leans back over, rolling his shoulders and wiping Jaebum’s arm as he inspects for any last minute touch ups. This is the final session, and even though Jaebum always loves Bambam’s company, he’s glad it’s almost done. It’ll be on to the next one by the summertime.

Jaebum’s mind seems to go from tattoos to Kaylee, to her birthday party in two weeks. Bambam continues talking about hair-colors, bring it back up that Jaebum should dye his own. Jaebum doesn’t hate the idea of, but maybe not now, since he’s satisfied with his natural black. Bambam goes silent as he wipes off Jaebum’s arm, setting his things down.

“What’re you doing Sunday?” Jaebum asks.

“This Sunday?”

“No, no. The next one. April 14th.”

Bambam shrugs, putting the needles down and looking at the ink one last time. “Nothing.”

“Come to a birthday party with me. It’s… a five year olds.”

At that, Bambam completely stops, looking up at Jaebum with the worlds most symmetrical eyebrows arched high in confusion. “You’re like, the human version of that vine where one dude goes, ‘there is only one thing worse than a rapist’ and then the camera pans on that one dude that could be _you_, saying, ‘A _child_.’ Why would you go to a kid’s party?”

Jaebum rolls his eyes. Yeah. He remembers the first time Youngjae and Bambam both sent that video, yelling in all caps _LOOK IT’S YOU._

“Besides the point,”

“What’s the point?”

“That I got invited to a kid’s birthday party and I was told to bring a plus one. I’m asking you to be my plus one.”

“Why are you…. going…?”

“Yes or no?”

“I mean —,” Bambam works on wrapping Jaebum’s tattoo. “You know what? Fuck it. I’ll go.”

Jaebum leaves out that the reason he wants to go is because he likes Kaylee. And her dad. And he knows Bambam would never shut up if he found out.

**\-----------------------------------**

Jackson’s neighborhood is quaint townhouses piled on top of each other, each identical, following a pattern of different colors — blue, beige, blue, beige, blue, beige. Jaebum and Bambam know when they’re close because of the cars lined up and down the street, and the sounds of children screaming (in glee?) carry down the road. There’s a spot right in front of the house, between the mailbox and a minivan, that fits Jaebum’s motorcycle. Bambam hops off and waits until Jaebum has the kickstand down to hand over his helmet.

“This is a cute neighborhood. Super suburban.”

The front screen door is shut but the wooden door open, revealing a narrow home surprisingly empty. The screaming must be coming from out back. Jaebum makes eye contact with some guy he’s never seen before, who ushers them in with a wave of his hand. He makes his way over, narrowly avoiding stepping on a toddlers foot, and takes the gift from Bambam, who’s pulling it out of his gym bag.

“Hello!” He’s handsome, has a squared, strong jaw, and legs that go on for days. Bambam makes a wounded noise from Jaebum’s side. “I’m Yugyeom, I’m Jackson’s friend. Are you Jaebum?”

Jaebum just nods. Now he understands why Kaylee had drawn Yugyeom so huge in the family portrait.

“Cool, I’ll put the gift over there, hold on — oh! Come in. Jackson’s out back.” Yugyeom uses his long legs to step over a kid sitting in the middle of the living room, playing on a cell phone.

They make it through the living room and through the kitchen, where the counters are piled high with food. They walk past it all to where everyone’s outside, and the smell of burgers greets Jaebum’s hungry stomach.

A tall fence separates Jackson’s small yard from the neighbors, making it a perfect spot for the group of kids rolling around in the grass. An older couple stands in the far side, watching with careful attention. One look is all it takes for Jaebum to realize they’re Jackson’s parents.

Yugyeom yells for Jackson — holy shit he’s loud — and waves the host of the party over. Yugyeom says he has to go get Noah, probably the kid from the living room, and makes his way back inside. Bambam says exactly what Jaebum’s feeling when Jackson spots them and waves, skillfully maneuvering around the circle of children swinging wildly at a pinata of some character Jaebum’s sure is from a Cartoon Network show.

“Is that Jackson? _That’s_ Jackson? Is he a dad or a _daddy_?”

“I’m gonna strangle you in front of all these children.”

They wait at the top of the steps, on the porch, for Jackson to come up. The whole time Jaebum stands still, his heart and sanity blow away with the breeze.

Jackson looks like a different person. Here, he’s in faded, ripped jean shorts that reach his knees, and show off a definition in his calves that Jaebum wants to notch right over his shoulders. Jaebum’s so used to seeing Jackson in sweats, and long sleeves, that he’s never noticed the size of Jackson’s biceps. The divots are dull, like there had been a time when he worked out more, probably used to have more definition. His deep-v neck tee doesn’t even try to hide it. His once somewhat blond hair, is totally brown. A deep, handsome chestnut.

And his hair is cut. His bangs fall against his sturdy cheekbones and the back is shaved closer to his scalp and Jaebum wants to run his fingers through —

Bambam gives Jaebum a good shove.

“Yeah,” Bambam says, “We can help you bring the food out.”

Jaebum missed introductions to drool. Great. Hopefully he hadn’t been obvious.

The kitchen is pretty cramped. The island doubles as a counter and a bar, probably where Jackson eats breakfast in the mornings, and Jaebum shoves the cute image of a sleepy but muscular Jackson eating breakfast. Jackson must be cute in the mornings; his deep voice even deeper from sleep, his bangs pushed back off his forehead, his pretty jawline sharper when he lies back on the pillows —

Just as Jackson reaches for paper plates, apologizing about the messy state of the kitchen, Yugyeom comes in (loudly) with another man in tow.

The first thing the man does is throw his hands in the air and make a pleased sound. “Thank god. You’re out of those hole-y sweatpants.”

Jackson narrows his gaze. “Asshole, you’re late.”

“I showed up at eight in the morning to blow balloons.”

“And then you_ left_ during meal prep.”

“The way you make burger patties is abhorrent.” The man turns to Jaebum, who’s standing only a few feet behind him. “He didn’t wear gloves. Don’t eat the burgers.”

“Jinyoung!”

When the friend smiles, his whole face lights up and his eyes crinkle. He turns to Jaebum and extends his hand out. “Hi, I’m Jinyoung. Which one of you is Jaebum?”

_“Hyung_,” Yugyeom chokes on a laugh.

Jaebum’s still trying to catch up, but he introduces himself and Bambam. Jinyoung gives Bambam a curious look, probably surprised by the long black jeans and blouse when it’s warm out, but just smiles sweetly.

{When Jaebum commented on Bambam’s long sleeves that morning, Bambam replied, “It’s a blouse. It’s really light and keeps me cool.”

It’s also hawaiian print, which, somehow, Bambam pulls off well.

“It’s the gay in me.” He had explained.

Jaebum had only rolled his eyes.)

Now, they’re helping Jackson bring the plates and sauces out. Bambam lingers behind to help Yugyeom pull condiments from the fridge, while Jackson gets the grill going. Once it’s on, he hands over the spatula to Jaebum and excuses himself.

Jaebum avoids Jinyoung’s careful gaze that constantly rakes over his outfit and tattoos. Jaebum had told himself, _casual, dress casual_, so ripped, cuffed black jeans a long-line striped tee seemed the way to go. His healed and finished owl tattoo half-hides behind the sleeve, but the clock tattoo catches attention. He’s never self conscious, and doesn’t care that Jinyoung looks at him, and his piercings, but he notices. He notices the looks.

Jaebum slaps a cheese slice on the cooking burgers when Jinyoung comes to place a clean plate by the grill. Jinyoung gets close enough to spot the flowers dipping underneath the neckline of his shirt.

“Is that a Korean Rose?”

“Hm? Yeah.”

“Wow,” Jinyoung’s eyes shift back to Jaebum’s arms, where he’s had his gaze for the past hour or so. Jaebum thinks it’s mostly curiosity, since Jinyoung appears to be taking in the details. “How many tattoos do you have?”

Jaebum runs the ball of his tongue piercing over his molars. The echo of it has Jinyoung peering around and staring openly into his mouth.

“Correction, how many tattoos and piercings do you have?”

“Seven tattoos, three of them are big, though. The flowers go down my back.” Jaebum reaches around to the curve of his lower back, where the flowers end. “I have four smaller ones on my thighs. And sixteen still-open piercings.”

He turns to look at Jinyoung. Jinyoung, who seems clean-cut, who showed up to a children’s party in the middle of summer in navy trousers and a white tee shirt. Even his hair cut looks like a business mans, almost reminds Jaebum of his own father. Almost. Jinyoung has too much of a smile in his eyes to truly resemble someone as cold as that man. There’s no judging in his gaze, either, just genuine interest.

“Tattoos look pretty on other people, but I don’t think I could ever have one myself.”

“Not even a cute one on your wrist?”

Jinyoung isn’t the only one that’s looking, even though his intentions couldn’t be as unpure as Jaebum’s. Jinyoung is handsome, especially by Jaebum’s standards; friendly smile, wide biceps and thighs, a nice ass (Jaebum has a thing, can you tell?) and he’s not the type of shy away from attention from a handsome boy. Not anymore. High school him had been deeply in the closet, but the confident gay he is today doesn’t shy away from anything that could be potential.

He tip-toes, though, because if Jinyoung shows any sign of discomfort, or makes any comment about being straight, Jaebum will back off. But for now, he tests the waters, lets his hands curl around Jinyoung’s wrist very gently, his thumb gliding over the spot he talks about.

“You have pretty, soft skin. Something would look cute here.”

Jinyoung looks pretty unphased by the touch. Jaebum can’t read the neutral reaction. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. You seem like the type to want something meaningful.”

“Maybe? Perhaps I would. I’ve never put much thought into it.” Jinyoung looks up, the sunlight hitting his eyes, drowning them in caramel. “Do all your tattoos have meaning behind them?”

“My first few don’t, I got them as a fuck you to my parents.”

Jinyoung laughs a little, pulling his hand away. Jaebum lets his fingers trail over the skin of Jinyoung’s forearm, but doesn’t force Jinyoung any closer. “Rebellious in high school? All black ensemble? Tons of piercings and tattoos? A motorcycle? You’re a classic James Dean, huh? I bet you can’t keep up with the attention you get from girls.”

Cool. Play it cool. “I’m not interested in girls, Jinyoung-ah.”

Confusion. That’s all Jaebum sees in Jinyoung’s eyes, and then surprise, crystal clear in Jinyoung’s gaze.

“Oh, uh — oh, no. I’m sorry. I-I’m not...”

Jaebum takes a step back as Jinyoung does, airing out the confusion tension that had been building by the grill. He waves his hands a little as a sign of agreement.

“It’s totally on me. My bad.”

Jinyoung turns pink, a pretty, rosy blush over his cheeks and up to his ears. He opens his mouth to speak, but then clamps it shut, staring over Jaebum’s shoulder.

Jackson moves into Jaebum’s peripheral, his eyes shifting between the two guests. “How’s the food?”

“Good, since you haven’t touched them with your dirty hands.” Jinyoung makes a face at Jackson’s dirt-crusted fingernails., and Jaebum’s relieved that the tension dissipates out, just like that.

“You know, I came up here to invite you two to play in the three-legged race, but I take it back.”

“I wouldn’t want to be your partner anyway, clumsy.”

Jackson purses his lips and looks about three seconds from throwing Jinyoung out. Jaebum can’t help but laugh at it, turning back to the grill. An arm slides through his though, and he turns to see Jackson sliding up to him, linking them by the elbow.

“I came to ask _Jaebum _to be my partner, not you.”

“I suck at sports.” Jaebum admits, turning off the grill and closing the lid. Jackson only blinks at him. “No, like, I’m really bad at sports.”

“Well I’m good at sports. I played soccer through middle school and high school.” Explains the thighs on him. “C’mon, we’ll win.”

“Not if you’re playing against those two giants. One of their legs is_ one _of you. In entirety.” Jinyoung gestures to Bambam and Yugyeom, the two tallest boys at the party, both ninety-percent leg.

“The bigger they are the harder they fall.” Jackson tugs on Jaebum’s arm, leading him away. “C’mon, let’s go kick some ass.”

“Jackson, no,” Jaebum has flashbacks of gym class, of a black eye in dodgeball and a broken pinky during basketball and the one time he tangled his arm in the buoys in the school pool. “I’m _really_ bad at sports.”

“You look like you’re good at everything.” Jackson says, eyes trailing over Jaebum’s body. He’s not so sure what about his all-black outfit makes him a sportsman. He thinks it would mean the opposite.

They lose to Bambam and Yugyeom, but at least they don’t fall on their faces. Jaebum hooks his arms around Jackson’s shoulder and Jackson curls an arm around his waist and they manage together, the whole time Jackson complaining that he can’t keep up with Jaebum’s longer strides. Jaebum forgets about how solid and warm Jackson feels pressed up against his side, all in the name of sportsmanship.

And the afternoon goes so much better than Jaebum thought. He envisioned the day turning into a nightmare, that he’d step on a child, or something. Or be stuck in the corner with Bambam, but Bambam flirts relentlessly with an oblivious Yugyeom, and Jinyoung never strays too far from Jaebum’s side, not letting any trace amounts of awkwardness stray between them. Jaebum decides he likes Yugyeom because of the way Yugyeom clicks with Bambam, the two of them acting like drunks when all they’ve had is ginger soda. Jaebum likes Jinyoung because of how effortless it is to talk to him, because of how Jinyoung doesn’t change his attitude after the flirting.

Jinyoung, repeatedly, says they need to meet for lunch, or something, “Or start a book club.” He suggests with a sparkle in his eyes. The gleam dulls out though, like this idea has been rejected too many times.

Jaebum likes reading though, unironically, which is one of the reasons he loves the library. “Come to the library and pick out a book. We can read books together.”

Jinyoung looks like a spring of joy about to blow. “I’m replacing Jackson for you as my best friend.”

Meeting the parents isn’t awkward, either. Jaebum has experienced enough introductions to know that many older generations judge solely on appearance. But when Kaylee comes running into Jaebum’s arms any chance she gets, the Wang’s completely overlook everything else that others seem to hate, and the afternoon passes with them keeping an eye on the kids, sipping lemonades and picking on burgers and veggie chips.

All the anxiety Jaebum had at just the idea of being around so many children seems so dumb now. Kids are great, when they’re playing well, and Jaebum thinks that the purest form of joy is the sound of kids giggling as they sing happy birthday, with Bambam leaning against his shoulder, and Jackson glancing at him. Their eyes meet throughout the day, like no matter how much Jackson has to break away from the group of adults to chaperone the group of kids, he’s constantly thankful that Jaebum’s there.

Parents come to pick their kids up around six. Jaebum helps Sophia gather the shrewn gift wrap from the living room, while Bambam helps hand out goodie bags to the departing guests. Jackson walks every single kid out, and Yugyeom’s already gone for the night. Jinyoung is somewhere else in the house. It’s the first time all day he’s not at Jaebum’s side.

At the same time Sophia expresses her gratitude for Jaebum’s help with clean-up, Jackson tells him there’s no need to stay.

“I have no problem helping out.” Jaebum assures, but looks over at Bambam, just in case. Just in case he wants to go home. But Bambam makes no indication of wanting to head out. He moves to the kitchen, to a mound of dirty dishes and gets to cleaning. He’s a good kid, and Jaebum is thankful every day that he’s around.

Ricky is out in the back cleaning up pinata guts, and Jaebum goes to work on picking up cups and plates.

The night ends with them sitting at the same table they’ve been sitting at all day, whiskey in their lemonades, sharing even more stories, and Kaylee going through her presents. She’s wrapped in the elephant-themed blanket Jaebum gifted her. Jackson tells him it’s adorable, and Jaebum doesn’t let them know that Youngjae picked it out, after a whole afternoon of distressed wandering around the mall, Youngjae making fun of him for going soft.

Jaebum doesn’t speak much of himself, it’s just how he is. He shares what he wants, only after he’s studied a person well enough, but trusts Bambam’s judgement when they get into sacred territory: high school.

“You bleached your hair over a_ toilet_? In a high school bathroom?” Jinyoung looks a little green. Jackson sits at his best friend’s side with a dopey look on his face. Must be the exhaustion and alcohol.

“My mom grounded me for two months.”

“But she didn’t make you dye it back.” Bambam adds, reaching over the table for the whiskey.

“Hm,” Jaebum hadn’t considered that. “I guess you’re right.”

Bambam’s phone moves around the table, revealing a grainy photo of fourteen year old Bambam and seventeen year old Jaebum. They’re leaning against blue and white lockers — their high school’s colors — with Bambam’s long hair pulled into a bun and Jaebum’s blond hair looks the same color as uncooked ramen. Tragic.

The next photo shows him and Bambam stuffing their faces with gross cafeteria pizza. It’s for another angle of his blond hair. He can’t help but look at the photo when the phones comes his way; he remembers that day. He, Bambam and Mark skipped the rest of the day after lunch to go to the skatepark and scuffed up their elbows and knees.

“I still have a scar,” Bambam can’t get his too-tight pant leg up and everyone laughs when he makes the attempt anyway. His cheeks are flushed, he’s had too much alcohol. “I fell off the half-pipe,”

“You didn’t even make it _to_ the half-pipe.” Jaebum corrects, leaning his palm against the table, his chin in his palm. His eyes flicker to Jackson, who’s caught staring.

“Shut up.” Bambam snaps with a heatless spark. “Mark _pushed_ me.”

“You’re clumsy as fuck and fell on your own.”

“You skipped classes?” Jinyoung seems to pick out the funniest details from their stories, eyes glittery with amusement.

“Yeah, as a protest.” Bambam scrolls through his phone again, then finding a photo with him and Mark wearing tee-shirts with Jaebum’s face on it. Bambam wore his with a belt, like a dress. “They said ‘Free Jaebum’ on the back.”

“Oh, God,” Jaebum buries his face in his hands. If anyone can make light of his life, it’s Bambam.

“Did you go to jail?” Jackson gapes from across the table.

Bambam barks a laugh, loud and fun. “So, after getting expelled from high school in South Korea for beating up a kid —”

“He totally deserved it.”

“Jaebum you did_ what_?”

“Jaebum came to LA half-way through his sophomore year, made friends with Mark, who was literally on his way out because of his grades, and together they ruled the school —”

“It wasn’t this dramatic.”

Bambam waves his hands around and looks terribly offended. “You were literally called the Yakuza. I was warned about you guys before freshman year.”

“None of us are even Japanese.”

“Yeah, well high school was garbage. Anyway, everyone was terrified of them because of the rumors. Like, Mark got expelled from his last school for setting shit on fire? And Jaebum beat up kids in another country? Terrifying. And the two of them became_ friends_? Even scarier. You had no friends, just you and Mark sittin’ together at lunch.”

“Can you just hurry to your point?” Jaebum laughs, glances across the table and catches Jackson’s fleeting gaze. Again.

Bambam laughs, “It’s our origin story, before the hair bleaching and piercings behind the bleachers.”

Oh. _Oh_. Jaebum feels his heart go soft.

“So, gym class wasn’t separated by grades, it just went by requirements. Jaebum and I had gym together, and, naturally, being around him made me want to piss myself, and he always hovered, dude, do you remember how you _hovered_?”

Jaebum reaches over and drops his hand to curl around Bambam’s knee. “I knew what the other kids were saying about you.”

“Yeah,” Bambam laughs, but it’s quieter now. “I did, too. But I didn’t know you knew, and when the school’s Bad Boy sticks to your side during gym class, you panic.” His hand glides over Jaebum’s forearm. “So anyway. There we were: a few weeks into my freshman year gym class. It was swim week and I was trying to come up with an excuse to not get in the water and the teacher made some stupid comment about how ‘If I wanted to _really_ be a _real_ man I would get in the pool’ and,” Bambam swats at Jaebum, just in case he zoned out, or something, because they’re getting to the real soft part of the memory. “You came around the pool with _the_ stankiest stank face and backed our teacher against the wall and I thought you were gonna kill the bitch.”

Jaebum remembers. He remembers, and the same type of anger, much controlled now, floods through him.

“You threatened a teacher?” Jackson gasps, the whole table waiting for what comes next..

Bambam grins, hooking an arm around Jaebum. “Fuck yeah he did. For me. The kid he barely knew. And the whole school, well, _some _of the school, petitioned to have him stay. It really brought up a lot of shit that people weren’t willing to talk about or acknowledge, y’know? So it changed a lot. He was sticking up for me. And not only did we become besties after that, and he let me die his hair, and eventually stick sewing needles through his ears, the kids in our school really respected him.”

Jaebum leans against Bambam, fitting his head into the crook of Bambam’s neck. There’s an odd silence as the weight of Bambam’s words sink in. “I’d beat anyone up for you.”

“And there was this one time, with the football team —”

“Can we stop talking about high school me?”

“Hell no,” Jackson laughs, pouring another round of spiked lemonade for everyone. “I want to hear this.”

**\-----------------------------------**

Jackson, Jinyoung and Kaylee see Jaebum and Bambam out. Jackson eyes the motorcycle with an interest, and honestly, that look on his face is one of the reasons why Jaebum loves having a bike. It’s quite the stroke to his ego.

He reminds Jinyoung to stop by the library, “I’m serious, I’ll text you my schedule.”

The way Jackson glances between his friend and Jaebum settles something uncomfortable in Jaebum’s stomach. He looks like he doesn’t like the idea of the two of them being friends.

Bambam climbs on the bike and puts his hands on Jaebum’s shoulders, and Jaebum can’t help but look at Jackson, one more time for the night. Jackson’s looking at him. Not at his face hidden by the helmet, but the sight of him on the bike. Jaebum looks away only when he catches Jinyoung watching him look at Jackson.

He blows a kiss to Kaylee, and her flailing snaps Jackson from his stupor. He smiles and waves.

**\-----------------------------------**

If his alarm didn’t go off at 7:30, Jaebum could’ve stayed in bed all day. Bambam’s like a human furnace despite his small size. It’s warm and comfortable under the blankets.

Until Bambam’s hand slaps him in the face in an attempt to find the blaring cell phone.

“Can you shut the fucking thing —” A finger in his eye, “— Off,” Bambam finds the phone and swipes his fingers over the screen until it shuts off. He leaves his hand thrown over Jaebum’s shoulders. “Thank God.”

But Jaebum’s awake now and trying very valiantly to resist the urge to throw Bambam off the bed. “I hate you.” He mumbles into the pillow.

“If I had remembered that you got up at the ass crack of dawn, I wouldn’t of slept over.”

The door swings open, and Mark stands in the doorway, a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. “I thought I heard —!”

“What’s good my man?!” Bambam throws his arms in the air and he’s way too loud for so early in the morning. Jaebum kicks at him. But then he’s being weighed down by Mark, who’s crawling over him to get to Bambam and what the_ fuck_ that’s his _kidney_ —

“You went to the kid’s birthday party?” Mark asks, finagling a way of getting into Jaebum’s bed without hitting anyone in the face with his toothbrush or elbow or knee (again. Jaebum’s still rubbing at his back.)

“Yeah, you should‘ve seen Jaebum being domestic. He was all,_ heart eyes motherfucker_, at Jackson the whole day. I wanted to throw up.”

Jaebum kicks again, but Mark’s the one that yelps in pain and tells him to go fuck himself.

After recouping, Mark says, “Youngjae tells me he’s an alien.”

“Explains it.” Bambam laughs.

“Why? Did you notice anything weird last night? Anything replaced with tentacles?” Mark’s fingers come to pinch at Jaebum’s cheek. He squeezes his eyes shut tighter, as if that’ll magically get rid of the two morons in his bed.

“You know what’s weird?” Bambam starts, and Mark scrambles to get out of bed. “That you keep ignoring —”

“Gotta go.”

“— My texts —”

“Gonna be late for work!”

Bambam sits up, inhales, and Jaebum covers his ears as Mark shuts the door as if it’d deter the volume of Bambam’s voice in any way, “ON FINISHING THAT TATTOO ON YOUR BACK!”

The silence that follows rings out, and Jaebum has to remind himself that _I love them, I love them, they’re my best friends._

Which means he can kick Bambam out of bed and tell him, “I let you sleep here out of the goodness of my heart, and I swear to god if you don’t shut the fuck up I’m gonna break both your legs and you’re going to drag yourself home.”

Between coming over to hang out and staying too late, or just not wanting to be home alone some nights, Bambam crashes here so often he should have his own change of clothes by now. He should also be more familiar with Jaebum’s schedule, and know that Jaebum has to lie in bed for at least fifteen minutes before he gets up. In the quiet, without Bambam rambling on about his dream and what it might mean, completely ignoring Jaebum’s threats.

“Your chopstick legs are gonna be so_ easy_ to snap.” Jaebum hisses, rising out of the bed like the dead.

Bambam just laughs, nearly falling and bashing his head on the dresser when he escapes Jaebum’s attack. “Do you want pancakes? I’ll make breakfast.”

Jaebum collapses back down against the pillows, acting huffy, like he doesn’t appreciate Bambam. “Yeah.”

**\-----------------------------------**

A hoodie and sweats isn’t going to make Jaebum suddenly forget about the biceps that Jackson hides underneath the baggy clothing. Instead, knowing that he has them, that Jaebum can peel off his clothes and rediscover Jackson’s manly shape, makes him, well, warm. Like,_ that_ kind of warm. So help Jaebum, who’s standing between the bookshelves at a total loss of words, staring at Jackson hunched over his books.

“Are you a stalker?”

Jaebum jumps right the fuck out of his skin. He places a hand over his racing heart and leans against the stacks, ignoring Youngjae’s twisted smirk.

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Do you have a crush? Are you too nervous to approach him?”

Ridiculous. That’s… absolutely ridiculous. Jaebum has no fear.

He marches right up to the table Jackson’s at, pulls out a chair and sits. He has one leg pulled up, resting his chin on his knee and the way Jackson smiles when he sees it’s him maybe makes him panic a little. What if he did something stupid, like, kiss him?

Gross.

Jaebum hasn’t kissed anyone in years. Not since his last boyfriend. Ben had been a nice boy, but too vanilla for Jaebum. Way too vanilla. In everything, not just sex. Jaebum dated him long enough to get in his pants, then dumped him.

His boyfriend before that had gone along a similar path, too, and he makes a point of not kissing one night stands on the lips.

“I had no idea you had a motorcycle.” Is how Jackson starts the conversation. Kaylee clambers her way into Jaebum’s lap, forcing him to sit like a regular human being with both feet flat on the floor. He bounces one leg, holding her little hands with his as she giggles and depends on Jaebum’s iron grip for balance.

Good, they can talk motorcycles. Jaebum likes talking about it because he knows people think it’s hot. It’s simple, really. He’s a simple guy that likes to occasionally show off. Especially when he likes said boy and wants to impress him.

He tries to forget that he_ likes_ Jackson.

“And I never realized you have a tongue piercing.”

Jackson leans in as Jaebum sticks his tongue out, showing off the faux diamond stud sitting on his tongue. Usually he leaves in a silver or black one, but he had put this in specifically for the party. Jackson, from his position leaned forward, looks up at Jaebum through his lashes and Jaebum realizes he has one fear: Jackson looking at him with a heat in his gaze that’s not appropriate for the library.

Straight dudes don’t look at other dudes like that.

Kaylee’s hand comes up and a finger slides up Jaebum’s nose and the moment is lost. It’s gone so fast and interrupted so abruptly that Jaebum tells himself he had maybe slipped into another reality, and Jackson really hadn’t looked at him with desire in his eyes.

**\-----------------------------------**

**Jackson**  
What are you doing Thurs night?

It’s an innocent question.

Jaebum’s not doing anything; he’s never doing anything. The library closes at eight so he’s free afterwards, every night. He doesn’t have a significant other to take out, and his friends are Bambam — who’s schedule is erratic and inconsistent, and MarkJae, who enjoy going out with him but he doesn’t enjoy third-wheeling. If Mark asks his roommate to ‘hang out,’ it usually means getting high. But he’s been cutting back on that, too, trying not to form a dependency while cutting off cigarettes.

Jaebum leaves Jackson’s message unread for a little while, for a few hours, before responding that he’s free.

Jackson responds quickly; he has no class, he’s home on Thursdays, Jaebum should come over to have dinner with his family.

“Oh,” Jaebum mumbles at his phone. He stands still in the middle of the kitchen, barely blinking when Mark shoves past him to put dishes in the sink.

“You good?” Mark peers over Jaebum’s shoulder, and Jaebum tilts his phone for his friend to get a better view. “Wow, you two are moving fast, huh?”

“He’s making it really hard for me to pretend I don’t like him.”

Mark, the master of facial expressions, drops all of them at once. “You _what_ him?”

“At least,” Jaebum struggles to understand his own feelings. “I think I do.”

The next text message is only a minute or so later. Jackson adds on that the invitation extends to Bambam, too.

**Fave Son**

**Papa Jaeb**  
Jackson invited us over for dinner, his parents insisted. I’m letting you know I’m turning down your half of the invite.

**Fave Son**  
LMFAO WHAT THE FUCK  
you better get that dique or imma be pissed im missing out on free food

**Papa Jaeb**  
He’s straight.  
And dw I will buy you food to compensate. From wherever

**Fave Son**  
oh can we go somewhere fancy? that new waterfront restaurant that’s romantic and candlelit?  
also uhhhhh. a het???? in MY house???  
are you 100% sure bc he kinda looked like he wanted to be me when i was on the bike  
most people wanna be me tho

**Papa Jaeb**  
Yeah, I’ll take you on a date  
I’m like 99.9999% sure he’s straight.

**Fave Son**  
well ur gay and therefore can’t do math so im not sure i believe you?

**Papa Jaeb**  
He has a daughter

**Fave Son**  
this just in: bisexuality

**Papa Jaeb**  
Do you want to go on a date with me or not?

**Fave Son**  
YOU OWE ME FOOD!!!! I DESERVE TO BE PAMPERED  
wait so what i gathered here is that you have a crush on a str8 dude?

**Papa Jaeb**  
Yeah

**Fave Son**  
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  
stop crushing on the het idc how daddy he is  
stop  
stop your feelings

**Papa Jaeb**  
It’s fine. We’re fine.

**Fave Son**  
blink if ur a liar  
but really papa jaeb don’t do this to yourself :(

**Papa Jaeb**  
I shouldn’t of said anything

**Fave Son**  
wtffFFFF

Jaebum has a box shoved in the closet with old school supplies. He digs out the tape and gets the family portrait Kaylee drew for him from his dresser, and tapes it up on the back of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chats are how they have each other saved


	3. Chapter 3

Dinner. With his crush’s family.

As Jaebum enters the small house, toe-ing his shoes off at the door and setting his helmet down on the small stand by the entryway, as he accepts a hug from Sophia and waves to Ricky sitting on the couch, he wishes he hadn’t told Bambam not to come.

It had been totally selfish; he wants Jackson to himself. Even for a little. Even if there’s no possibility of a relationship. Yesterday, when Bambam had stopped by the apartment for lunch and filled in MarkJae on Jaebum’s drama, they both went, “Do you enjoying hurting yourself?”

Standing in the doorway of the Wang’s kitchen, Jaebum facing Jackson’s handsome face and wide smile, makes him think that maybe he enjoys hurting himself a little bit.

Not even two years ago, he’d been the one that laughed and teased the absolute hell out of Mark for his feelings for Youngjae.

Jaebum had taken Youngjae under his wing as a little brother the minute Youngjae stepped into the library on his first day of work. So, of course he was protective of Youngjae. Of course he wasn’t thrilled with heartbreaker Mark Tuan going after someone so sweet. Jaebum didn’t realize the intensity of Mark’s “crush” until it revealed itself to be something deeper than that, and pulled back.

Mark and Youngjae hovered around each other for weeks; Jaebum teasing and teasing, not taking either of them seriously until that time Youngjae showed up with pizza and a huge smile and ended up borrowing Mark’s sweater halfway through the night. Mark panicked, looked like he’d been clobbered by the dawning of his feelings just by seeing Youngjae standing there in his hoodie.

The way Mark crawled into Jaebum’s bed that night to say, “I know you know me and my track record. But, dude, I… I’m gonna risk it all for that boy. I just…. is it weird? That I think of him being in my life ten, even twenty years from now?” Jaebum realized how fucked he’d been for tormenting Mark and invalidating his feelings for so long.

Just last night, after Youngjae had gone home, Jaebum curled up on the couch and Mark paused Stranger Things, and Jaebum spilled all his guts all over the living room. Mark mumbled, “Remember when you made fun of me for my feelings?” But luckily, didn’t dish it back.

Jaebum’s never liked anyone like this. Never had such uncontrollably fond urges. His heart has never raced at a text message, he’s never paid attention to someone the way he does with Jackson, absently picking up little things, little details. He’d never met any of his exes parents, but last night, he realized;

“I want them to like me.”

Marks eyebrows had risen into his forehead, and he bit his lip to hide a frown, not a mocking smile.

“I don’t even care if my own family likes me, why do I care so much about Jackson’s?”

“Your parents are shit.” Mark said with the authority of someone who’s known Jaebum for as long as he has. “Family isn’t always blood. A family’s love isn’t conditional, your parents shun you because you didn’t do what they wanted. Your real family will find you, and love and support you for who you are. They won’t ask you to mold yourself to their views, but accept what makes you different, and love it.”

It hadn’t been weird that Mark knew what Jaebum wanted underneath a layer of confusion and mess of feelings.

“Are you saying I like Jackson because of his family?”

Mark shook his head, leaned over and rested his chin on Jaebum’s shoulder. “If that were the case, you’d like me because of my family.”

Jaebum tipped his head, his temple resting against Mark’s forehead. “I’ve always been jealous of your relationship with your parents.” Because Mark’s family loves him, texts him, calls him almost daily and invites him and his boyfriend over for dinner. Because Mark can call his mom when he’s sick, and she’ll stop by to make soup and clean out their fridge.

“I’m not trying to rub it in.”

“No, no. I know.”

This sense of belonging, this feeling of,_ I can be who I am_, has always been something Jaebum’s aggressively fought with. Even with the Tuan’s, even when Mark’s brother exits the Gaming Void of his bedroom to sincerely greet Jaebum as if he were a part of the family, there are parts of himself he reigns back. Not because of fear of judgement, but because he’s had his walls up so high for so long that he still doesn’t understand how or when to let them come down.

With Jackson and his family, Jaebum forgets about the barriers. They’re still there, they’re always going to be, but he loosens up.

There’s a strong disconnect from the way Jackson talks with his parents, compared to the way Jaebum spoke to his. There’s still a firm sense of respect, as Jackson doesn’t cross boundaries or cuss in front of them, but they laugh, and when they smile, Jaebum can see that Jackson’s laugh lines mirror those of his parents. There’s a lot of happiness in this home; a lot of love and support. Jaebum knows, for a fact, that his mother would’ve never supported him if he brought home a pregnant girl. She had made it clear she would’ve paid off the family, as if his life were one of those cliche dramas he had grown up watching.

But, with him being gay, his parents didn’t have to worry about that. Too bad that wasn’t a good excuse for them not having to worry about babies out of wedlock.

“Bastard childs,” his mother murmured every time she heard of one. When Jaebum learned that Kaylee’s mother isn’t around, he heard his mother’s voice. Now he doesn’t think about it. Especially not with the way Sophia dotes on her granddaughter, as she pulls Kaylee’s hair into a french braid to keep it from getting in the food.

Sophia refers to her son in Mandarin, Jackson’s reply coming back quick, but then they switch to English.

“When are you taking her for a haircut? It’s getting too long.”

Jackson shrugs. “She screams like a banshee every time I take her. She’ll tell me when she’s ready to cut it.”

Kaylee, determined to still get food into her mouth with her grandmother fixing her hair, aims the forkful of meat at her mouth, and misses. She blinks rapidly, distraught, and Jaebum laughs, laughs while he stands and stretches over the table to use his own thumb to wipe at the sauce. Kaylee beams at him, wide and pleased, and extends her fork out.

“For you, Jaebum-oppa.”

He can’t say _no_, so he leans over and accepts the food, taking the fork from her to stab at her plate and scoop up some rice. Kaylee kicks her feet and opens her mouth so Jaebum can feed her.

When he leans back, Jackson’s staring at him, expression flat. When Jaebum smiles, realizing what he just did, Jackson’s whole face flushes.

“You’ll be an amazing father one day, Jaebum.” Ricky says, leaning back in his chair. He’s finished his meal, but sticks around for conversation.

“Ah, if that ever happens.” It’s not something he’s considered.

“Why wouldn’t it?”

Here come the walls.

A thought, fleeting and almost-there, goes,_ I could always adopt._

“I’m already twenty-five and I’m not seeing anyone. I don’t know. I guess it’s not something I’m thinking about right now?” Jaebum shrugs, staring down at his empty plate. It’s been a while since he finished eating, he can’t believe he’s been sitting here for so long, just talking, without keeping an eye on the time.

The sound of his mother and father’s voices telling him it’s selfish, that he has a _duty to carry on the family name_, ring back loud and clear. Things they’ve said to him about finding a woman, any woman that will cook and clean, any woman with patience and virtue, to bear him children, come back like a nightmare. Even after he came out, his mother said, _“Bring us at least one grandchild, please, and keep your other… affairs… to the side.”_

“Children are a blessing, and a miracle.” Sophia hums, sitting back down now that Kaylee’s hair is back. “But children are also a great, great responsibility.”

Jaebum swallows. Doesn’t know what to say.

Sophia turns to look at her son, then at Kaylee seated between them. “My little Jiaer was a surprise.”

He smiles, leans his elbows against the table and smiles at her. Sophia smiles back. “Mom, you say this to _everybody_.”

“Because it’s true! Everything that is good in my life, comes from you. I wouldn’t trade anything if I went back to do it again. All of my blessings,” Sophia places a hand on Kaylee’s head. “Came from you, Jiaer.” She turns back to Jaebum, giving him a reserved smile. “There’s nothing wrong with knowing who you are, and what you want.”

**\-----------------------------------**

Though they’d all finished eating over an hour ago, dinner wraps up with Jaebum feeling lightheaded. Kaylee climbs in his lap as he’s pelted with more questions on his job, as they laugh over customer stories. He balances the good-natured questions and Kaylee, and can’t help but grin when her little hands press flat against his tattoo.

“There are trees in her belly.” Kaylee muses. They hadn’t been there the last time she touched his arm. She scratches at his skin with a dull nail, Jackson asks her to stop from where he’s standing by the sink, rinsing off dishes.

“No, it’s fine.” Jaebum says, moving his arm so Kaylee can get a better look. “It’s healed.”

Kaylee smooths her hands over the details of the feathers, then runs her hands over the long eyelashes of the bird, that curl out and feather outwards, circling the ball of his shoulder.

“Daddy?” She calls absently over her shoulder. “Where’s your spirit animal?”

Jaebum’s hand clenches around her waist, where he’s holding her steady so she doesn’t accidentally topple off.

Sophia coos, and Jaebum does his best to hide his own noises of adoration. His eyes flicker to Jackson for just a second, who’s stilled at the sink, and remembers their very first encounter.

“Not everyone gets one, pumpkin.”

“Will I get one?” Kaylee tilts her head to look at her dad, but then returns to touching Jaebum’s ink. “I hope mine is an elephant.” She mumbles.

Ricky gets up, gathering the left over dishes from the table. “Jaebum, why is your spirit animal an owl?”

“I’m not sure. I think it chose me.” He follows along to their game, catching Kaylee when she twists, sitting in his lap to pull his other hand onto her own lap. She traces the roman numerals of the clock, again trying to scratch it off with a blunt nail.

“Jaebum-oppa?”

“Hm?”

“What do you think…. What is my spirit animal?”

He pretends to think about it for a second, just to watch the way her eyes sparkle with excitement for only a few more moments. “I think it’s an elephant.”

Kaylee grins, extending her arm out to mimic a trunk. Then she blows a raspberry, spitting everywhere. It’s the worst elephant noise ever.

**\-----------------------------------**

Even though Jaebum insists he can help with the dishes, even with Kaylee clinging to his back like a koala, Sophia ushers him and Jackson out of the kitchen.

“Please, your father and I can do it. I’m just going to stick it in the washer, anyway.”

While she does the dishes, Ricky offers to give Kaylee a bath. At first she refuses, clinging onto Jaebum’s neck until he’s almost blue in the face. The only thing that has her unlatching from Jaebum (so he can breathe again) is the promise of bubbles and the entire duck family coming out to play for bathtime.

Up the stairs is a small hallway, four doors. Jackson goes to the one at the very end of the hall. This is the first time in a long time that Jaebum’s entering another man’s room without any sort of intention.

Over his shoulder from the bathroom, Jaebum can hear the sound of Kaylee’s delighted squeals.

“Thanks for coming.” Jackson’s room is small, the walls are plain white, not covered with much. Stickers layer the back of the door — Hello Kitty, Rilakkuma, some other cartoons Jaebum doesn’t recognize, and there’s a black marker line running jagged across the length of one of the walls that’s suspiciously about Kaylee’s height.

“Thank you for inviting me. This was really nice.”

“Do you wanna stay?” Every time Jaebum lifts his gaze to Jackson, Jackson shifts his away. “I’m probably just gonna watch a movie with Kaylee, and she’s probably gonna watch Monsters Inc., again, so I get if you’d rather go.”

“I can stick around.” Jaebum says. Jackson grins at that, their gazes finally meeting. “It’s nice here. You get along really great with your parents.”

Jackson crosses the room to a mini fridge in the corner. There are crackers and a jar of peanut butter on top, but he reaches inside and pulls out two beers, asking with a gesture if Jaebum wants one.

He accepts, and plops into the bean bag at the foot of Jackson’s bed as Jackson falls into his bed. He has four Eeyore pillow pets, and a bunch of Disney Tsum Tsums scattered around the room. Jaebum finds a little white cat under his knee and vaguely recognizes it from one of the characters from a movie about singing cats.

“Do you, uh, not talk to your parents anymore?” Jackson asks after a beat, then, after seeing how Jaebum awkwardly holds the round stuffed toy, “You can just throw it. Those fuckers are everywhere.”

Jaebum doesn’t know what compels him, but he throws it at Jackson. Jackson shrieks and shields himself, beer almost sloshing out of the bottle.

And that’s how they end up in a warzone, finding those little toys scattered — Jackson wasn’t kidding when he said they were everywhere — and pelting them at each other. Jackson arms himself with multiple, raining them down on Jaebum who falls on Jackson’s bed, seeking shelter under all the pillows.

He grabs the nearest pillow pet, his hands free since he’s placed his beer aside, rips it open, and swings.

Jackson topples to the floor, and if he weren’t laughing so hard despite how his fall nearly shook the house, Jaebum would’ve checked to see if he was hurt.

But, Jackson’s fine. He climbs on the bed and climbs on Jaebum, thighs around Jaebum’s stomach, one hand wrapped tight around Jaebum’s wrist. Jaebum’s laughing so hard that all his strength leaves his arms, trying to shield himself. Just as he’s about to be smothered with a frilly purple pillow, the bedroom door swings open. Sophia stands there looking wildly concerned, Ricky peering over her shoulder only a second later. But Jaebum’s still laughing, swatting the pillow away from his face and Jackson’s climbing off him, both their faces split into grins so wide that Sophia relaxes, slumping forward with relief.

She and Jackson exchange a few words in Mandarin, and by the expression on her face and the unyielding grin on Jackson’s, it’s nothing bad. The words are familiar, Jaebum can pick out one or two. Mark’s family speaks it, and he had spent enough time with them, playing charades with Mark’s grandmother who doesn’t speak any English, to know a few basics.

Once they’re gone and the door is left open only a crack, Jaebum can’t help but wonder, “Where’s Kaylee?”

“Probably getting changed in her room.” Jackson says, lamely throwing a pillow in Jaebum’s face. “C’mon, do you still wanna watch Monsters Inc.?”

Jaebum stands, feeling warm and happy all over, breathing in the waves of elation that Jackson gives off. He’d been laughing so hard that tears collected in his pretty eyes, and without thinking, Jaebum reaches up to wipe it away.

Jaebum ignores the way Jackson’s smile fades at the touch, and leads the way out of the room, fanning himself. It’s hot. He’s hot. They just wrestled, he’s a little out of breath.

Jackson makes his way downstairs with Kaylee under his arm, showing no signs that he’s thinking about what happened in the bedroom. Kaylee curls up with her elephant blanket and Jackson slides onto the couch next to Jaebum. There’s enough space between them that it’s not awkward.

Kaylee falls asleep before the movie is halfway through. Even Jackson dozes, his head slumping forward until he catches himself. Jaebum reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder. “I should probably get going, and you should go to bed.”

**\-----------------------------------**

Outside, Jaebum puts Tupperware in his bag.

“Thank you again, this was really nice.”

“I’m glad you could make it. My parents wouldn’t shut up about how great you and Bambam were.”

“Bambam’s great at first impressions, so I’m not surprised.” Jaebum rolls his eyes at his own words. “Never, _ever_ repeat that to him.”

Jackson pretends to zip his lips and cross his heart. He goes to speak, “Honestly, my first impression of you wasn’t that great. But I was exhausted and hadn’t slept in like, a week, and had a shitty customer that morning and an exam the next day and I think I said something mean to you?”

“Nah,” Even though Jaebum mulled over it for weeks.

“Sorry.”

“You really didn’t say anything.” _Weeks_. But he’s over it.

Jackson studies him like he doesn’t believe him. “Right. Anyway. We should do this again. It doesn’t have to be next Thursday. Maybe the Thursday after?”

“It doesn’t matter to me.” Jaebum hopes that it’s not obvious how tightly he holds onto his helmet, trying to control the way his hands tremble with nerves. “I’m free most Thursdays. I just head home after work.”

“Oh,” It’s weird how Jackson looks at him, eats up every word. “You live at home?”

“Nah, I have a roommate, Mark. He’s Youngjae’s boyfriend.”

“Ah, how long have you been moved out of your parents house?”

“It’s been nine years.”

Out of all the conversations they’ve had, this feels the most inorganic. Jackson’s picking at straws, trying to find something, anything, to keep Jaebum around for longer. Normally he wouldn’t indulge in this; normally his only goal is the bedroom, so what does it matter what music genre he listens to? What his favorite color is? What was his major?

He answered all those questions and more, tonight, letting these people peer into his life.

But this treks along a deeper path, this isn’t just “the weather's nice,” passing conversation, this is wholly something else. Something closer to the heart that Jaebum doesn’t talk about. This whole night has been very close to the heart.

Time to go with it. “I moved out for high school, actually. When I was sixteen.”

“You were how old?” Jackson’s eyes bug out of his head.

“Sixteen. When I got expelled from school in Korea.”

“Oh,” Jackson mumbles, normalcy returning. “I almost forgot about that.”

“Yeah. My parents and I weren’t… We were.” Jaebum breathes in, shrugs, tells himself,_ it’s okay. This is okay. Jackson accepts you_. “We’re not close, and I was troublesome, and rebellious.” They didn’t see the way Jaebum struggled with accepting himself at the time, the way he searched for guidance anywhere, misplacing trust in a boy he liked, whom he thought liked him back. That’s the boy he punched and got expelled because of, when the boy threatened to out Jaebum, before Jaebum even knew what he himself was so scared of. “I lived in Brentwood, in a small apartment that my parents paid for.”

Jackson blinks slowly at him. “You lived by yourself? In _Brentwood_?”

“Yeah. It was alright. Pretty fuckin’ stupid, though, since I was young and dumb and reckless, and had zero supervision, and made friends with Mark the stoner and Bambam the weirdo that shoved a bunch of needles through my ears.”

Jackson blinks. Again. “How’d you get expelled, then get into Brentwood?”

“Money.” Jaebum knows how it sounds. “My parents paid a lot to get me in, probably pulled some strings.”

“Wow. What the fuck,” Jackson mumbles to himself. “So you, Mark and Bambam are all, what, rich? You’re —” He gasps dramatically, hands flying to his face. “You’re a _chaebol_.”

It sounds so dumb, so funny coming from someone else. Sure, Jaebum is keenly aware of how cushy his life had been growing up, but a chaebol? Jaebum can’t help but laugh.

“I don’t think so. Where’d you even learn what a chaebol is?”

“I’ve seen Boys over Flowers.” Jackson says as if it should be a given. “Jinyoung and Yugyeom are my best friends.” And then, a little softer, his eyes widening a bit, “A chaebol.”

“No,”

“Incredible.” Jackson’s grin widens, and he laughs. “I know I’m not a pretty girl with a lot of potential and sass, but can you give me a makeover? I need some help.”

Jaebum has to bite his tongue and keep his gaze off Jackson’s biceps, his pretty brown hair and beautiful cheekbones. What, exactly, needs a makeover?

“What do you want? Diamond earrings?”

Jackson’s gaze shifts to the earrings in Jaebum’s ears, his nose ring, and then fall to his mouth. Jaebum can’t help it when he licks his lips, letting the bar slip out and catch Jackson’s attention.

“How many do you have?”

“I have fourteen ear piercings, and my nose and my tongue.” He gestures as he talks about them, “A closed eyebrow piercing, closed snakebites.”

“A what-bite?”

Jaebum motions for Jackson to come closer, against his better judgement. It’s dark outside, just the orange street lamps providing a dim light, so Jackson has to get closer than he’s ever been before. Jaebum pushes his tongue against the inner part of his bottom lip to show off where the hole once was. His tongue piercing sticks out and Jackson’s gaze lingers on the barbell before shifting up to his lip. Or his mouth. His gaze keeps shifting. His jaw tenses.

“I bet it looked cool. I just can’t imagine being like, _hey_, let’s go willingly poke some holes in my body.” His gaze moves up, to Jaebum’s eyebrows. Jackson’s hand comes up to trace the little dots on his brow bone and Jaebum nearly seizes, freezing in place. “These beauty marks here are super cute."

He — _oh_. Jaebum’s face heats up. Jackson’s hand falls away from his face.

“Uh, thanks." Moving _on_. "The piercings got so infected. They —”

“Nope!” Jackson waves his hands wildly, shaking his head, looking slightly mortified. “Ew, ew. I’m sorry. That’s gross.”

“I went home for chuseok and my mom almost fainted. My dad grabbed me by the ear and I swear he was going to rip them all out.”

“I think I would’ve been pretty shocked if my son came home like that. I mean, I would've gotten over it, but a heads up would be nice.” Jackson’s face scrunches. Kaylee’s mirrored this expression before. “Fuck, those must’ve hurt.”

“Nah. The tongue piercing though… I really thought they were going to kill me.” It had been scary in the moment, the way his mother turned white and his father turned red, but now that he thinks back to their outrageous reaction, it’s funny.

But it’s late, much later than Jaebum thought he’d spend out, and he knows Jackson gets up early for work. As much as he wants to stay and stand out on the grass and talk to Jackson, Jackson needs to get his sleep.

“Do you want to do something Thursday?”

“If you want, I get you probably have other things to do, or if you don’t want to hang out a five year old all the time I get it.” He cracks his knuckles, then runs a hand through his hair, his expression falling into something else dark and dreadful.

“It’s fine.”

His exhaustion starts to bleed through.

“It’s… it’s hard to make plans with a kid, y’know? And it’s hard to find people that are willing to accommodate. And you’ve been so cool about this whole thing, like, how you play with her at the library and please, _please_ don’t think you need to do that. I don’t want to put your job at risk, she can sit with me. I-I…. I feel bad locking her in the library, especially when it’s been so nice out lately, but my parents watch her while I’m at work, or in class, and it’s the only time I really get to spend with her, y’know? I’m trying not to be a dead-beat dad but it’s hard. I don’t know how to thank them.”

“Where’s her mom?”

If the doors to the fiery pits of hell could open up right now and take Jaebum, that’d be best.

Jaebum moves a hand over his own mouth, baffled by his own words and cursing his morbid curiosity. Now isn’t the time. _It’s not the time_. Jackson’s eyes widen for a second, his gaze flickers up and he recoils on himself, bringing his arms over his chest. It feels like they’re running downhill, and nothing good waits for them at the bottom.

“I’m an asshole, I’m sorry. It’s not important.”

“Maribel’s just… not a part of the picture anymore. She left.”

An explanation didn’t have to be given. Jaebum feels worse as dark clouds replace the sunniness that’s usually behind Jackson’s eyes.

Even when he’s tired, with eyebags like a panda’s, a scruffy five o’clock shadow, the roots of his hair thin and greasy, the smile that Jackson gives to his daughter shines through the rest of that. Jaebum has seen the way Jackson hides his struggles from his daughter. He hides his exhaustion, his stresses, and even though he locks himself away in the library to study, even if he grits his teeth when Kaylee interrupts his essay for the umpteenth time, he smiles. The energy and patience he must have on reserve his more than Jaebum’s ever had in his life.

“You have no idea… how much it means to me, that you took Kaylee to Kiddie Korner. You have…”

Jaebum’s horror increases, heart running into overdrive, as Jackson swims through thoughts of being a bad father. He laughs dryly, bringing a hand to his face and taking a step back down. Jackson buries it, his chest heaves and his voice cracks and it’s so quick that Jaebum almost misses it. He steps forward, puts his helmet in the grass, and does the only thing he can think of.

He leans in and wraps his arms around Jackson.

Jackson pushes against him at first, tries to laugh it off but the tears that pool over in his eyes makes Jaebum’s heart coil.

“You’re an amazing father.” He mumbles into the small space between them. He leaves his arms loose over Jackson’s shoulder, in case he wants to come back in.

“I-I’m not so… Sure…” Jackson flops against Jaebum’s chest, rests his head on Jaebum’s shoulder with arms tight around his waist, one hand lying flat against Jaebum’s middle back until it bunches up, catching the fabric of the shirt in a fist.

Then his arms pull in closer, and Jaebum doesn’t say a word. He presses as close as Jackson needs it — which is tight, too tight, the buttons of his henley pressing on Jaebum’s chest through his tank top. If Jackson needs to be held like this, though, then Jaebum will do it.

Jackson’s shoulders quake with what might be a sob. He sounds like he’s choking on one.

“She drew you, once, in Kiddie Korner. She put a cape on you.” Jaebum speaks into Jackson’s hair. The porch light clicks off, dimming the rest of the world, blurring lines. “You’re her hero. Kaylee’s so smart, and perceptive, and not afraid to ask questions, or be herself. That takes a lot of time and love. She knows you’re up early and she knows you do a lot. Jackson, she sees this. Even I can see it. She’s curious and unafraid to ask or impose. She’s confident, smart and happy, because you give her the attention she needs.” What had started as a soft moment burns up in Jaebum’s chest. “It’s absolutely fucking ridiculous that you think you’re anything less than an amazing person; a dedicated father. You do more for Kaylee than most parents do for their kids combined. I had shit parents, okay? Youngjae has shit parents. I _know_ what those look like. That’s not you. You’re Kaylee’s superhero.”

Jackson breaks, his forehead sliding into the crook of Jaebum’s neck, where his tears dampen the skin.

“You’re my superhero, too.”

At that, Jackson sobs. The tears spill, Jackson’s shoulders shake and Jaebum really thinks that he’s the only reason Jackson’s standing upright.

“I’m so scared I’m gonna fuck this up. I feel like I’m running through the days and I’m so scared she’s not going to feel loved, or appreciated.” Jackson’s voice is muffled and broken, so broken. “And I know it’s stupid like, that’s every parent’s fear, but,”

“No. No. It’s not stupid. You’re _not_ stupid. Jacks… Jackson…. You’re almost there. There’s less than a month left to the semester. You just have to get through it. You have friends that love you, and you have my number. Jackson, call me. Call me when you need to talk, or vent, or if you need help with Kay. I’ll do it. I want to help you.”

Jaebum closes his eyes, lets the words sink in.

If needed, Jaebum would stand there all night and watch dawn with Jackson. But Jackson pulls away after what feels like only a few minutes; which isn’t enough time. Jaebum knows more tears are backlogged, he knows that’s not the end of it. But if Jackson doesn’t want to stand out on the grass and cry anymore, that’s fine. As long as it’s gone through loud and clear that he has Jaebum’s shoulder to lean on, then Jaebum hopes he’s done enough.

The words that Mark, Bambam and Youngjae said to get him through his darker times comes back to him, “Don’t forget to eat and drink water. And sleep. Go inside and go right to bed. You need to take care of yourself, too.”

His hands slide down Jackson’s side to his elbows, and he gives a good squeeze.

“Thank you.” Jackson sounds so small, so young. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“Don’t apologize.”

With nothing left in him, Jaebum steps away. He pulls on his helmet and starts the bike. The rumble of it starting up is so abrasive against the silence they just shared. Jackson’s eyes still look wet from unshed tears, his shoulders fallen forward, but there’s a lightness to his smile. He waves with a weak hand.

“Text me when you get home.”

It’s an innocent request, but leaves Jaebum feeling tingly.

And he does text Jackson that he made it home. He washes his face, brushes his teeth, replaying the night in his head. Maybe half hour or so after returning home, he picks up his phone and gives Jackson a call.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Jaebum rushes, out of breath, surprised he’s made it this far. “Sorry, I should’ve texted you to make sure you weren’t sleeping, first.”

“Oh, it’s fine. I just gotta…” Jackson sounds like he’s moving around. “Gotta brush my teeth. What’s up?”

“You never told me what you wanted to do on Thursday.”

He can hear, faintly, running water from a faucet. A surprised little, “Oh. You’re right. Uh, did you still want to come over and watch a movie with me and Kaylee?”

Jaebum tugs the blankets up over his chin. “Yeah, what time should I head over?”

“I’m not sure? When are you free, again?” Jackson starts brushing his teeth, talking around a toothbrush. Jaebum muses that he looks soft, face freshly washed, probably in a pair of old pj’s. “We’re going to the beach during the day, and I’ll bring her home for dinner. I’ll tell my mom you’re coming over, she’ll be excited.”

“I’m surprised your parents like me.” Jaebum says before he realizes what he’s saying.

“What? Why? Jaebum. I know you have The Look. The, scary, tatted and pierced man that could and would clobber you. But you’re a good person. A really good person.”

Those… are not words most people use to describe him. Jaebum blinks into the darkness.

“You’re just...?” Jackson speaks without a mouthful of toothbrush. “You have a lot going on on the outside, most people probably judge you. But, you know, if you keep digging deeper...” Jaebum feels goofy, grinning the way he does. “You have a lot of layers.”

“Like an onion.”

Jackson laughs, scrubs at his teeth some more. “You don’t say much, but you seem like you’ve been through a lot. Like you’ve always had to carry your own burdens and didn’t have anyone else, and you didn’t know where to look for guidance. I just… I don’t know. Despite what’s on the outside, whatever tough image you put on, I know there’s a lot more to you than that. So, yeah, you’re like an onion. It’s kind of a bitch to peel you open.” Jackson takes a deep breath. Jaebum holds his own. “Good job on the Shrek reference.”

“I was wondering when you’d catch on.”

“It’s…” Jackson really sounds like he’s struggling. “I feel like I learn something new about you every time we hang out. You like cartoons, you really like strawberry ice cream. Which is _cute_.”

Jaebum blinks up at the ceiling and wonders if calling Jackson was really a good idea.

“Tonight I learned that you care. A lot. And I… I’m really grateful. Thank you. And I noticed you clammed up when I mentioned your parents… I'm here. If you need to talk. I care, too."

Jaebum holds a breath, closes his eyes. He's not surprised that Jackson's noticed the way Jaebum genuinely cares about him. He wasn't really trying to hide that. They're friends, right? He can care without being accused of having a crush.

He must be silent for too long, because Jackson clears his throat. “Wow. I’m sorry. I got _way_ too sentimental.”

“It’s fine, Jacks. Don’t hold it all in.”

“Most dudes would’ve like, cringed. Guys talking about feelings? Disgusting.”

“Unmanly.” Jaebum smiles, wants to keep Jackson on the phone all night, just talking. Listening to his deep, soothing voice.

“Some other guy would’ve said ‘that’s gay,’ by now.” Jackson breaks out into laughter, and Jaebum does, too. It’s the nerves, though. “I’m so glad you’re not one of those.”

“That doesn’t bother you?” Jaebum asks, holding his breath.

“What?”

“Being called gay?”

“Oh.” Jackson pauses on the other end. He takes a breath, goes, “Uh,” The seems to shift gears, “Nah, people gotta stop throwing that around like an insult.”

Jaebum clears his throat. “Listen, so, I know you need to sleep.”

“It’s all good.”

“No, it’s not. You work a lot and you’re up early, you need sleep.”

Jackson hums. “Wow, another layer peeled back.”

This conversation should end before Jaebum’s heart takes off out of his chest. “I’m free all day, when should I come over?”

“Do you want to come to the beach, too?”

There it goes. There goes his heart. “Yeah,”

“So then come by around eleven?”

“I’ll be there.”

“I’m, cool.” Jackson clears his throat. “Awesome. See you Thursday.”

“G’night, Jacks.”

“Good night, Jaebum.”

**\-----------------------------------**

Texting becomes more common between them. Good morning texts, nonsense texts, things that toe along something deeper, more personal, they cover it all. Any selfies Jackson sends, or any photos of him and Kaylee, Jaebum saves them all.

One morning, out of routine, while Jinyoung hangs around trying to find the next book for him and Jaebum to read, Jackson stops by to drop off breakfast and sends Kaylee to deliver it to the front desk when they arrive. Jaebum blows Kaylee a kiss and expects Youngjae to make fun of him. Youngjae doesn’t, glances between everyone with a fond smile on his face. He turns away, returning to his studies and Jinyoung leaves with Jackson, throwing a look over his shoulder that Jaebum decidedly ignores.

A couple days later, Jaebum sneaks some snacks to Jackson’s table, and takes his empty water bottle for a refill from the water cooler in the breakroom. He makes a cup of coffee, too. His gaze catches with Jackson’s when he drops them off. It lingers for too long. Jaebum presses the ball of his tongue piercing to the roof of his mouth to avoid saying anything stupid.

“Thank you for the coffee. You didn’t have to…” Jackson says, eyes steady on Jaebum’s mouth. “You changed the bar. Barbell?" Jaebum’s heart flips, and he sticks his tongue out so Jackson can see the gem on the end.

In order to distract him from whatever _this_ is, whatever builds between them, Jaebum snags the flashcards off the desk and neglects all his duties to instead test Jackson on things like hourly rates of saline infusion. He has no idea what any of this means, but Jackson spits out the answers and does fast calculations like a pro.

A little while later, he spots Youngjae peeking at him from the stairwell, and excuses himself.

“Shit, you’ve been sitting here for almost an hour—” Jackson panics, pulling his cards from Jaebum’s hands. “Shit, I’m sorry, you’re on the clock.”

“It’s fine,” His mouth moves faster than his dumb brain. “We can do this when I’m off the clock, too. I’ll text you.” He turns away and goes downstairs without thinking more about what he promised.

Youngjae has been quieter than usual this past week, but waits until Jaebum’s settled at the front desk to speak, nearly scaring the life out of Jaebum when he breaks the silence. “Hey, hyung?”

“Yeah?”

The pause is so long that Jaebum turns around, stopping to watch Youngjae chew his lower lip, looking torn. The way he regards Jaebum with a soft, maybe scared, expression throws Jaebum into worst case scenario mode.

“I just…”

Youngjae isn’t good with confrontation; another reason why he and Mark get along so well. He’s calmer, he’s the keeper of the peace while Mark is an instigator, quick to anger with an even quicker tongue that has gotten him into so much trouble. It doesn’t compare to his temper in high school, since Youngjae helps him count to ten, now, but it can still get out of control. Jaebum personally avoids amping Mark up to that level as much as possible.

“I like Jackson. He’s really cool, and happy-go-lucky.” Youngjae’s gaze flickers so it’s over Jaebum’s head, like he’s too nervous to make eye contact. “Please don’t… destroy that.”

Jaebum gets anxious, wondering where this could go. “What do you mean?”

Youngjae furrows his brow. This isn’t _confrontation_, but it’s not exactly _nice_, either. He’s so quick to sway between sides and remain pleasantly neutral in all situations, that Jaebum knows that being so forward is taking a toll on him.

“I just mean. I’ve seen you dump your exes for really dumb things. Like, you like playing with men. You don’t like dating. You like conquering.”

Jaebum’s eyebrows hike up into his forehead. He can’t help it. This is coming from Youngjae. Not Bambam. Not Mark. But Choi Youngjae, the boy who wants to find everyones worth in gold.

“You never stay long with the same guy.”

“What are you saying, exactly?”

“Don’t hurt Jackson. He doesn’t deserve it.” Youngjae’s gaze falls to Jaebum and it’s so sharp that Jaebum’s breath catches. “None of your exes deserved it, honestly. Not even that one guy who’s boyfriend you seduced and then slept with just to start trouble.”

“_He_ cheated on his boyfriend with _me_.”

“You knew he had a boyfriend and slept with him anyway. And what even was the point of getting with the boyfriend?”

So. Jaebum fucked both of them. The whole thing was a mess and this was three years ago. He’s not a homewrecker. Not intentionally. Maybe that one time.

“And your two exes? Stephen was really nice and shy and paid attention to you and that scarred you. You broke up with Hoseok because you got bored. Ben was —” Youngjae waves his hand in the air, reeling himself back in. Jaebum just sits there and takes it. This isn’t how Youngjae would normally handle a situation. “Jackson’s really nice. He doesn’t deserve to be toyed with, you should do something better with your time.”

That last part is definitely Mark. The couple has discussed this.

There’s nothing else that can be said in the moment. He’s been called out. By sunshine and rainbows Youngjae. That makes him the lowest of the low. He could go lie in the dirt and be where he belongs.

“Jackson’s straight, anyway.” Is all Jaebum manages to say. He turns away from the fleeting look of confusion on Youngjae's face.

“He— what? Doesn’t matter. Just. Please, hyung, be nice to him.”

**\-----------------------------------**

Jackson and Kaylee fall haphazardly into Jaebum’s life, but he conforms to it. Easily. Jackson’s occasional visits turn into him bringing Jaebum a scone almost every day, all different flavors, all crumbly and sweet, and brings coffee for Youngjae. On the days that Kaylee tags along with her dad, she and Jaebum go play in Kiddie Korner while Youngjae mans the front desk. Thursdays they watch Strong Girl Do Bong Soon at Jackson’s house, some nights sitting on opposite ends, murmuring commentary over Kaylee, or not saying anything at all. Sometimes they sit so close together that their knees will brush, or it’ll get too hot between them, neither of them pulling away, though.

There’s one scene between a very drunk Minhyuk and Kookdoo that has Jaebum glancing at Jackson from the corner of his eye. Jackson makes no move to cover Kaylee’s eyes, and he laughs at the scene of the two men rolling around. Jaebum looks back at the television and doesn’t know why he had expected some sort of negative reaction. Jackson’s not like that.

It’s like, as they become friends, Jackson seems more and more unattainable. Which is fine. Jaebum doesn’t do anything about his crush. It doesn’t hurt much. Not now. Not when things are comfortable.

Until one night when Jaebum watches Jackson tuck his daughter in, and the way he bends over the bed to give her a kiss sets off a type of fondness that Jaebum has never dealt with before. He doesn’t want to leave.

“Do you need help studying for your final tomorrow?”

Jackson blinks owlishly at him. “Oh, you remembered?”

How could Jaebum not? He’d found Jackson on the verge of tears last week, trying to hide behind bookshelves.

“I’ll quiz you.”

They sit across from each other on Jackson’s bed, cross-legged, “criss cross applesauce,” Jackson mumbles. Jaebum hid his smile with an eye-roll, jumping into the flashcards to avoid dealing with the pressure growing in his chest.

Sophia brings some tea for them around ten, just before she goes to bed. “You take yours with honey, if I remember?” She hands Jaebum the mug, reminding him to be careful, it’s still hot. She hands Jackson his chamomile tea and wishes him luck. “Don’t stay up too late. You need your sleep, too.”

Jackson mumbles a good night in his language, leaning over to receive a soft kiss on the top of his head. Jaebum doesn’t know what to do when Sophia reaches for him, a small, delicate hand curling around the back of his head. She leans in, pressing the softest kiss to his hairline. His heart twists and he scours his memories, trying to remember the last time his own mother had done this. He can’t remember his mother ever initiating contact.

“Good night to you too, Jaebummie. If you get too tired, just sleep here.”

He’s not tired, though still feeling the after effects of drinking way too much last night and not sleeping, trudging through a day-long hangover when ibuprofen hadn’t worked. It must read on his face more than he’d thought. It must be why his stomach clenches.

“Have a good night, Mrs. Wang.”

Or, perhaps, his stomach feels sour because of how conflicted he feels over her comforting kiss.

She smiles, and clicks the door shut on a mess of a Jaebum, who’s trying to gather himself enough for Jackson to stop looking at him like something’s wrong.

“I can ask her not to do that again, if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“That’s not it.” Jaebum lifts the notecards, directing all his attention to Jackson’s bubbly writing, and the highlighted key points and terminology he’s done a great job at spitting back, almost verbatim. “Are you ready for the next one?”

Jackson nods. “Lay it on me.”

**\-----------------------------------**

Jaebum sticks around for another hour so, and Jackson walks him out. All the way to his motorcycle.

“Hey. What are you doing Saturday night?”

A Grindr date, definitely getting laid.

But all Jackson has to say is, “Are you free?” And nevermind on the Grindr date and getting laid.

“I’m free.”

“The semester’s finally over and I want to get drunk as _fuck_. Yugyeom, Jinyoung and I are gonna bar hop. You, Bambam, Mark and Youngjae should come along.”

“We’ll all be there.” Jaebum will make sure they all clear their schedules, too.

“Cool!” Jackson shifts his weight from foot to foot, eyes scanning over the bike. “We’re gonna meet here around seven? Seven-thirty? Get some food and then go to the bars.”

Jaebum nods and revs his motorcycle to life. Jackson never seems to get tired of the sound, smiling a bit every time, his eyes lighting up in wonder. Cute.

“Do you wanna go for a ride?”

Jackson’s eyes run over the bike again, over Jaebum’s boots and up his leg, to his face. “Do I want to what?”

Jaebum motions to the seat behind him. “A ride? Quick. And then you’re coming home and going to bed. You need to sleep, too.”

The seconds tick and sound like a no, but Jaebum holds on for just another minute.

“Are you serious?” It’s still difficult to read the wideness of his eyes, the tightness of his fists. “Oh, my god, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to ask you, because I’m fucking terrified but you make it look so _easy_, and I don’t want to be weird as shit, like, hey, no homo but I totally wanna ride on your bike.’”

Jaebum frowns, not bothering to mask up his disappointment even a little bit, and Jackson’s expression falls, realizing he just put his foot in his mouth.

“How about, considering I'm the gay one, I’ll let you know when things get a little gay.”

Jackson’s jaw clenches and dread fills his eyes. “I — fuck, I totally didn’t mean it like that, it’s cool. You’re cool. I’m sorry I didn’t know. I’m sorry that’s how you? Came out? Oh, my G_od_.This is —”

“My offer still stands, though.” Jaebum watches remorse play with Jackson’s face. “Unless that’s too gay.”

“It can _totally_ be gay.” Jackson’s voice raises an octave and, okay, maybe Jaebum’s having too much fun watching him suffer. “I mean, not, oh my God, I don’t know what to say, this is so embarrassing I’m so stupid I’m so _sorry_. You’re really just gonna stand there and let me make a total fool of myself?”

“Until I think you’ve apologized enough, yes.”

Jackson looks totally remorseful, even rubs his hands together in the air in front of him.. “I’m sorry. That was insensitive. We should go for a ride and when we’re on the highway you can just push me off and let me tumble to my death. It’s what I deserve.”

That makes Jaebum laugh. He know Jackson didn’t mean it as negatively as it came out, but it still makes him feel a little weird. There’s a lot going through his head right now. “Go put on a pair of boots.”

Jaebum waits outside while Jackson rushes back inside, pulls out his phone and stares at Jinyoung's contact. Jinyoung knows Jaebum’s gay, and for some reason Jaebum assumed he would've told Jackson. Not that its relevant. But it also is. Because holy _fuck_ Jaebum just _came out_ to his fucking crush when he thought Jackson already knew. So it turns out everything they've been doing, all the hang outs and lingering hands and awkward stares mean — what? Do they even mean anything? Is Jackson really going to be fine from now on or is he going to read more into Jaebum’s actions? Jaebum’s not so sure he’s subtle about his feelings.

When Jackson comes back out he’s in dark jeans and a hoodie. Jaebum raises his eyebrow at the change of clothes and Jackson avoids his gaze, taking multiple tries to steady his hand enough to get his phone into his pants pocket.

“I wanna look cool, okay?” Jackson mumbles.

He’s so cute it’s so stupid how Jaebum’s heart leaps.

Jaebum slides off his leather jacket, holding it out. “C’mon, let’s switch.”

Jackson gapes at the heavy material hanging in front of his face. “Are you sure?”

“Just in case.”

As he slips on Jackson’s hoodie, he tries not to look at the way the shoulders of his jacket stick out over Jackson’s, too big for Jackson’s smaller frame. Jaebum tries not to look at the way his leather jacket looks over Jackson, clearly not fitting, clearly not his, very much Jaebum’s. He can try to not look all he wants. In the end, he does, and his mouth runs dry.

What a bad idea.

He tightens the chin strap of Jackson’s helmet and helps him up, blocking out the thoughts telling him that he’s never let anyone borrow his jacket. Not Mark. Not Youngjae. Not any past dates. That’s his jacket. And it’s draped cozily over Jackson’s shoulders, making him look smaller, and more innocent, and like he could be Jaebum’s.

Jaebum clamps his mouth shut. He lets Jackson revel in the feel of leather, he knows it feels good, nodding and humming when Jackson says, “Don’t I look hot?”

The way Jackson pales has Jaebum laughing again. His emotions don’t make sense with Jackson around, jerked around insistently, totally at Jackson’s whim.

“I don’t mean it in like a you’re gay so I want some type of validation —”

“Jackson?”

He squeaks in response.

“Shut up. Wrap your arms around me.” He leads Jackson’s hand around his waist. “Both your hands.”

There’s a reason why he’s never asked before. Being this close to Jackson, having them pressed chest-to-back, brings forth images and desires that are harder to ignore when Jackson’s here, especially when Jaebum’s already realized he wants more.

When Jackson squeezes the air out his chest when they start moving, Jaebum doesn’t get annoyed. He hopes Jackson holds on as tightly as he needs to, for as long as he needs to, because Jaebum wants to feel him here, safely, trusting him.

The grip loosens up on the highway, only a little, and every time Jackson whoops! into the night sky, Jaebum goes a little faster, drowning out the sound of his heartbeat with the roar of the bike; with the power of the bike beneath him, blocking out that he’s too-warm where Jackson touches and leans against him.

Jaebum can see glimpses of Jackson through the side-view mirror, the unbridled happiness in his crescent eyes.

Jaebum would take him anywhere, towards the horizon, out someplace where the stars glitter more passionately, if it meant that he could could be the one to put that smile on Jackson’s face.

**\-----------------------------------**

Jaebum’s fashion is simple: black.

As Bambam goes through Jaebum’s drawers and closet, (strewing clothes around without a care because he knows he’s not going to have to pick those up later, no matter how much Jaebum will nag,) he just falls more and more into the Void of Jaebum’s sense of style.

“I only work in black.” Bambam holds a pile of darkness in his arms, speaking in a deep, deep tone to mimic Batman. “And sometimes very very dark grey.”

Youngjae snaps up from leaning against Jaebum’s headboard, throwing his arms in the air, “Everything is awesome!!”

Jaebum curls up in a ball on the foot of his bed while the two break out into song.

Mark enters the room then, a mug (they have plenty of clean cups, Jaebum doesn’t understand why his roommate insists on only ever using mugs. It’s not a _problem _it’s just _weird_.) of water in his hand. He scans the mess of clothes.

“2007 called, the emos want their wardrobe back.”

“Yoooooooo.” Bambam says at the same time Jaebum remarks, “Shut the fuck up.”

And behind them, Youngjae topples over in laughter, nearly falling off the bed. At least they’re not singing anymore.

During his time raiding Jaebum’s clothes, Bambam sorted out the not-black articles of clothing. There’s a small pile on the foot of the bed. The orange hoodie belongs to Mark, who snags it from the bottom and the pile is suddenly significantly smaller.

Bambam leaps back into Jaebum’s closet again, cursing the amount of boots, the amount of converse, as if he has a leg to stand on. Jaebum’s been to his place, he’s seen the piles and piles of clothes. But then Bambam stops mid-rant, and gasps. He emerges from the closet brandishing a pair of Vans that are classic black, with a floral print on the sides.

Then, just to make the moment even worse, he gestures to the shoes with an open hand, and, Jaebum sees it coming:

“What’re _THOOOOOOSE_?”

Jaebum’s worn them enough times to break them in, so the shoes are pretty unscuffed and clean. “Mine. Those are mine.” He hates the way Bambam looks at him, wide-eyed and disbelieving, as if there were no chance in the world that Jaebum would own something cute and stylish without needing prompting. When Jaebum picked up the shoes at the mall he knew the boy would freak if he saw them.

“I’ve got it. You can keep your all black, angsty teen look if you wear these.”

“Those are really cute shoes, hyung.” Youngjae agrees, grabby hands pulling Mark to sit on Jaebum’s bed. They’ve been together for so long that Jaebum used to question their desire to always be closer, as if it’d been weeks since they’d seen each other. But being around Jackson who always hovers, or lets his fingers graze along Jaebum’s shoulders when trying to get his attention, or the way Jackson just reaches, sometimes, Jaebum gets it. Jackson’s touch became so familiar that even without him here, there’s a trace warmth of Jackson’s palm on his forearm, where Jackson touches the most when Jaebum ends up within reach.

So, just for today, Jaebum turns away when Youngjae drapes his arms over Mark’s shoulders, turns away from the manner in which Mark melds back into his boyfriend, and doesn’t pester them.

**\-----------------------------------**

They need two cars; Jinyoung’s Hyundai and Mark’s Honda. Jaebum and Yugyeom join forces to drag Jackson away from Kaylee’s room. She sits at her desk, hunched over a drawing, telling her dad to “go and have fun!”

Jaebum knows she knows that her dad works a lot, and that he needs some time to relax; even if her thoughts aren’t exactly like his, Jaebum knows the idea is floating around, somewhere, somehow, in little kid lingo. Kaylee’s not the least upset that her daddy is heading out with his friends. She stands in the doorway as the trio exits, holding her grandfather’s hand and waving.

Bambam climbs into Jinyoung’s car, to flirt with Yugyeom, no doubt, so Jaebum hauls Jackson into Mark’s. They get in the backseat and Jaebum buckles up a very distraught Jackson.

“She’ll be asleep in like, an hour. You’ll be fine.”

“My baby girl —”

“— Is fine. She’s fine. We’re gonna get you wasted. She can’t be there for that.”

Jackson slumps into the seat as Mark pulls into the road, trailing Jinyoung’s silver car. Youngjae spins around from the passenger seat, rushing to introduce the two, his face splitting in half with a grin when he says, “Jackson, this is my boyfriend, Mark. Mark, this is Jackson. We had some classes together, and he studies in the library where I work.”

But Mark, forever the Chill Dude, just head nods in lieu of a proper greeting.

Jackson folds his hands in his lap and does the head nod back. Jaebum laughs at how awkward it is.

“So, you’re gonna be our designated driver?” Jackson asks, clearly nervous.

Mark shakes his head but makes no motion to speak, and Jaebum rushes in to save the awkwardness — God, Mark’s awful at first meetings. “I’m gonna be D.D.”

“Oh.” Jackson glances between the front seats, where Mark’s shifting into fourth gear, the car humming as they accelerate, merging into highway traffic. “You know how to drive stick?”

“Yeah.”

“What _can’t_ you do?” Jackson’s breath comes out airy; winded. Jaebum doesn’t know why he laughs so hard at that.

“He can’t ever remember to wash the fuckin’ pot after he makes himself ramen at two in the morning.” Of course, Mark would chose now of all times to speak up.

“And you can’t ever seem to get your socks into the hamper.” Jaebum has plenty of ammo to shoot back with.

“That only happens when _you_ don’t do the laundry on _your_ turn and the hamper gets overstuffed.”

“No, you leave the fuckin’ things just lying the fuck around. They’re under the sink,”

Mark’s sharp gaze bounces off the rear view mirror. If that look could shatter glass…

“Uh, guys?” Jackson’s voice is small, and comes out of the corner of the car, where he’s pushed himself up against the door.

“Let them hash it out while they’re still sober.” Youngjae lounges comfortably in the front seat, scrolling through his phone. “Jackson can you give me yours, Jinyoung and Yugyeom’s number? I think we should start a chat for tonight. Just in case.”

“That’s smart.” Jackson leans forward, his physical presence between Mark and Jaebum helps simmer away some of the tension. Their phones all ping simultaneously; the group chat notification.

Jaebum can already foresee muting that.

They make it downtown and lose Jinyoung in the crowds and traffic, but find parking around the corner from each other.

The group of them bond over food. The seven of them haven’t hung out together before, and this is Mark and Youngjae’s first time meeting Jinyoung and Yugyeom and the realization of overlapping his and Jackson’s friend groups maybe sends a panic through Jaebum’s entire system. He has to force himself to breathe before chugging a glass of jack and coke. He needs just one, at least one, to get through the night.

While Mark’s pretty quiet and reserved, looking intimidating with his bright red hair and heavy boots, despite it being hot as balls out, Jinyoung and Yugyeom seem to like him. They send questions to his direction, and make a genuine effort to include him. Mark warms up to them by the end of their meal, leaning with an elbow on the table and a hand leisurely resting on Youngjae’s thigh. It’s under the table, but, from above the surface, there’s a very clear view of where his arm goes.

Jaebum glances over to Jackson’s friends. He catches Yugyeom’s gaze slip when Youngjae reaches out to curl his fingers around Mark’s chin and give him an affectionate shake, cooing at whatever funny thing he’d said. Jaebum turns his gaze to Jackson, reminding himself that Jackson wouldn’t of arranged this whole get-together if Yugyeom was homophobic. It’s just something that Jaebum knows, and he’s hung out with Jinyoung enough times after that very strong come-on at the party to not even worry about him.

“Let’s get out of here and get drinks.” He needs to get up and stretch his legs, at least.

Mark buys the first round of shots, but lets Youngjae pick. When he yells, “Buttery nipple!” Bambam makes a face.

The first stop is a sports bar, not anyone’s pick since they’d just made their way into the nearest joint, and Jaebum decides he hates it just from the wall of signed sports jerseys. Jackson and Jinyoung watch the soccer game, Bambam gets pretty into it, surprisingly, he’s never made any comments about enjoying any sort of sport, but because the rest of the group loiters awkwardly, they close their tabs after one drink.

Out on the sidewalk, the three of them promise to catch a game together. Jaebum falls back with Mark because he’s walking by himself outside the group, as per usual. Youngjae has an arm slung around Bambam’s shoulders, he and Jackson sharing nursing horror stories and Bambam making loud noises of disgust at them.

“He’s so social I don’t get how he does it.” Everything that comes out of Mark’s mouth about Youngjae drips honeyed affection. “I get exhausted just watching him.”

“But that’s one of the coolest parts of your relationship. You can get kinda hyper, too, and then you two are hyper together.” Jaebum doesn’t let bad memories of three am karaoke in their apartment get him down. Mark had bought a karaoke machine because Youngjae’s favorite noraebang closed down, and they made do, much to Jaebum’s expense. He’d enjoyed some karaoke himself, at one point, when they got drunk as fuck together. The neighbors had filed a complaint.

Mark smiles at that. “Yeah. And I don’t mind hanging back, a little.”

“How long have you two been together?” Jinyoung and Yugyeom fall back to get closer to the roommate’s bubble, but not close enough to invade it. Jinyoung’s hand catches Yugyeom’s arm to keep him from getting too close. Jaebum appreciates how perceptive Jinyoung is.

“Just over two years.”

“Oooh,” Yugyeom grins, wide and sincere. Jaebum relaxes a little more. “You two are very cute together.”

They find another bar around the corner, this one just as stuffed as the last one, but with a dance floor.

Their crowd hangs at the bar while they order drinks. Jaebum offers to hold a spot, sitting at a stool. Clubs aren’t really his typical scene, but he doesn’t mind sitting at the bar. Jaebum has come out often enough with his friends that sometimes it’s just nice to sit with someone at a bar and talk about things. He’s only ever done this with Mark, Youngjae and Bambam, though. Any date at the bar is more just filler conversation before they get into bed.

Bambam is the first to disappear, and the first to come back. He latches onto Jaebum’s arm and gets really close, practically plastering his chest to Jaebum’s back.

“Please put your arm around me.”

Jaebum does, twists on the stool and glares out into the crowd. “Who was it?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t get a look at his face.”

“Did someone touch you?” Jaebum scans the crowd again, his other arm slinking around Bambam’s waist.

“Yeah, someone kept trying to dance with me even after I pushed him off.”

Bambam orders something blue and Jaebum orders a soda, keeping both arms curled around Bambam’s teeny waist. “Do you wanna dance with me, then?”

“In a minute.” Bambam sips at his drink, keeping close to Jaebum. He looks back out to the dance floor, then turns to Jaebum. “Oh, I was thinking about getting a cat for the shop.”

This is a conversation Jaebum can get behind. He looks up at Bambam, already thinking about going to the kennel to help him pick out a cute, chill cat that would help calm the customers, when Yugyeom and Jinyoung seem to morph out of the crowd, both of them holding half-empty drinks and looking concerned.

“Are you okay?” Jinyoung asks, looking over Bambam’s sheer top. “I saw that guy grab you.”

Jaebum immediately goes into defense mode, eyes narrowing and asking, _who_.

But then Yugyeom asks, “Come dance with us?”

Bambam’s eyebrows shoot up into his forehead. “Y’all— what?” And Jaebum blinks at them, not hiding his surprise. At least now he feels reassured, knowing that their friend groups are going to get along perfectly fine.

Opting to sit at the bar instead, Jaebum feels comfortable watching Bambam go back into the crowd with the other two.

Jackson comes over and squeezes himself next to Jaebum, gesturing over his shoulder. “What’s happening?”

“Some douchebag put his hands on Bambam.”

Jackson looks alarmed, glancing over his shoulder. “Now he’s got two bodyguards. He’ll be safe.” Jackson plops into the empty bar stool next to Jaebum’s and holds his half-drained drink in his hand, his eyes wide and beautiful, even in the dim bar lights. “You’re not gonna dance?”

“Nah.” Jaebum gestures to the dance floor but doesn’t take his eyes off Jackson. He doesn’t want him to go. “Why aren’t you out there?”_ Finding a girl to dance with._

Jackson shrugs and pulls his glass to his chest, just resting there. He spaces for a second, eyes glazing and lips pressing into a line. In a blink he’s back, looking at Jaebum and leaning over just a bit, so their voices can be heard better.

“I didn’t want to intrude on Mark and Youngjae, then found the rest of the gang hanging out with you. I thought I’d keep you company.”

“You’re celebrating, though. You should be out there.”

“Well, I want you there, too.” Jackson leans back, eyebrows furrowing. He gives his drink an accusatory glance but then downs the rest. The bartender swoops by in a second. Jackson leans over and Jaebum can’t help the way he sways forward, too. To get closer. “What should I get?”

“What have you been drinking?”

“Whiskey. This shit’s gonna fuck me up.”

Jaebum leans over the bar and orders for Jackson, handing over his credit card and telling the bartender to leave open a tab.

“Congrats on passing your exams, Jacks. You worked really hard.”

“You don’t have to buy me any!!”

“I’m buying you a few drinks.” Jaebum nudges the drink closer to Jackson. “You worked hard. You deserve a night that totally wipes out your overworked brain.” He nudges the glass on the bar. “Take it.”

Jackson looks torn. “I can’t believe I had a shot and one drink and I’m already feeling it. This sucks.”

“For you.” Jaebum reaches for Jackson’s hand, bringing it to curl around the glass. Jackson glances at their touching hands, and Jaebum pulls away. He doesn’t know what type of tension builds between them; if it’s them or the club, but it washes away just as fast as it settled in when Jackson brings the glass to his lips and downs the drink in one go.

Jaebum blinks at him, makes bewildered eye contact with the bartender.

“One more of those, please.” Jaebum hopes it doesn’t seem like he’s trying to intentionally get Jackson drunk as quickly as possible.

Before Jaebum can ask if he’s okay, Jackson’s looking up, pawing at Jaebum’s arm. “Come dance with me?”

Jaebum glances at the dance floor, and the grinding bodies and grabby hands, cocks an eyebrow at it until Jackson looks at what he’s looking at, then turns back to Jackson. “Remember when I said I’d tell you something’s gay or not? Asking another guy to dance with you is kinda gay.”

Jackson grips his cup tighter and his Adam’s apple bobs and Jaebum does not want to put his mouth on it.

“Did you say that to Jinyoung and Yugyeom when they left with Bambam?

Well, that’s not the expected answer. Jaebum closes his mouth, has nothing to say.

Confidence flashes in Jackson’s eyes. Those are the most open, vulnerable part of Jackson; his expression. His unfiltered joy and unrestrained frustration, his love for his daughter, everything shines in his eyes and Jaebum’s been learning to translate what it means; when the corner of his lip twitches upwards, when he presses his lips together, or crinkles his nose. His mannerisms are usually so open, hands flaying when he speaks and laughter booming but right now he’s stiff. His shoulders push back and he chews on his lip, his teeth rubbing against pink skin until it’s irritated and red, even in the shit lighting.

This is a look Jaebum can’t translate, it’s not in his files. There’s something recognizable about it, though.

“Do you want to talk about this?”

Jackson closes his eyes and takes a long drink. Jaebum waits for him, waits until he’s finished, waits until he orders another, quiet until Jackson has his fourth drink of the night in his hand.

“Jacks...”

Teeth drag against his lower lip and his eyebrows twitch and Jaebum’s getting it. Slowly. Piecing together what all his fumbling mean. But when his mouth moves Jaebum doesn’t hear anything because Jackson’s voice comes out too low to catch and Jaebum leans forward but Jackson doesn’t repeat himself. He stares at Jaebum like he’s trying to read him, too. Jackson’s studying Jaebum’s reactions, who does his best to look as neutral as possible.

“Will you just… dance with me?”

They make it up to a different floor, away from the others, and when one of Jackson’s arms loop around Jaebum’s shoulders he thinks he gets it.

Jaebum puts his hands on the curve of Jackson’s hips, hooking his thumbs through belt loops. They stand apart, much like Jaebum’s 6th grade Spring dance when the teachers went around waving their arms between the couples, telling them to “Leave room for Jesus.”

But once Jackson downs the last bit of his drink, carelessly putting it on a nearby ledge, he closes that distance. This time when he shuffles up to Jaebum, he barely leaves any breathing room. Jaebum doesn’t move his hands. Tries to survey the way Jackson’s eyebrows knit together. They sway, stiff. Awkward. Both of them too captured by their own thoughts to really be in the moment.

When the song gets dirtier and the bass boosts, Jackson slumps forward so close that his wet breath fans over Jaebum’s neck and Jaebum can feel the way it comes out shaky.

Jaebum wants Jackson close, closer, until their bodies touch and their lips connect and when Jackson tips his head back, opening up the perfect angle for Jaebum to do all those things, he sways back, instead. His body runs cold, especially when Jackson’s gaze falls to his lips.

Jaebum doesn’t want to assume but. _But_. There’s tension; this _shit_ floating around them, prickling at Jaebum’s skin, and Jackson’s touch feels charged, his gaze flooded with alcohol and Jaebum has to take a breath, swallowing thickly.

“I don’t… want to make you uncomfortable.” Jackson mumbles, tipping his head to the side, lips ghosting over Jaebum’s earlobe. He’s sensitive there, but too worried for Jackson to let the shiver go all the way down his spine.

Jackson doesn’t usually drink and Jaebum knows this. Perhaps he’ll sip on wine for dinner, but that’s to help him sleep. He can’t handle the hard liquor he downed today. He’s not here. Alcohol clogs Jackson’s bloodstream and he presses forward against Jaebum’s chest in a way that Jaebum knows he wouldn’t do when sober. Jackson can be impulsive, but he’s not stupid.

“You’re not making me uncomfortable.” Jaebum says. It’s mostly the truth. He’s not uncomfortable, just, “But this _is_ kinda gay.”

Both of Jackson’s arms swing around Jaebum’s shoulders and he drops his face into the crook of Jaebum’s neck. Jaebum closes his eyes and soaks in the warmth of the body against his, welcoming him despite how muggy it feels. Jaebum’s chest feels weighed down, like he needs to step away to breathe. His hands tense when Jackson just-barely grinds against him.

“Yeah,” Jackson slurrs, “Only kinda gay”

This needs to end. Now. Jaebum can’t help the way his hands push Jackson away with more force than necessary.

“You need water.”

Jackson blinks at him. “Do I?”

Jaebum leads him back downstairs, holding his hand not to lose him. Jackson tightens his grip, stays by Jaebum’s side the rest of the night, fingers tangled, the others too drunk to notice.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay!!
> 
> t/w: homophobia

It had been so easy, last night, to dump Yugyeom, Bambam and Jinyoung in Jaebeom’s bed, but it had been hard to climb into Mark and Youngjae’s bed with Jackson there.

The plan had been: throw Jackson in bed with Yugyeom, Bambam and Jinyoung. But, while still drunk, Jackson went and climbed into bed with Mark and Youngjae, and at three-thirty in the morning, Jaebeom thought, _I’ll deal with that tomorrow._

Well, it’s tomorrow, and Jaebeom wakes half on top of Jackson, with Jackson’s face pressed into his neck. A cuddly MarkJae press against Jaebeom’s back, even though there’s a whole other half of the bed to their side.

Jaebeom’s grateful that Youngjae clings in his sleep, because it’s hot and he’s sweating, too concerned with getting out from under the dog-pile so he can breathe and shower off all the sweat that sticks his clothes twisted to his body to deal with the way Jackson’s arm had been around his waist, or the way Jackson’s face had fit into his neck.

When he’s taken a cold shower and changed, he finds Jinyoung lying across the couch in the living room scrolling through his phone. He smiles and says good morning in Korean.

In all his politeness, Jinyoung is sassy. He keeps Jaebeom on his toes. But there’s delicacy in the way he pays attention to the uncurrent in Jaebeom’s comments. He and Jaebeom bump wits as they move around the kitchen to make breakfast. Jinyoung goes digging for a pot, unloading items from Jaebeom’s refrigerator on the table.

He eyes the familiar ingredients. “What are you making?”

Jinyoung grins at Jaebeom. “Haejangguk. I think everyone will appreciate it.”

Youngjae makes it, sometimes, when he, Mark and Jaebum get drunk together and he actually manages to get out of bed first. But they haven’t done that since winter break.

“Hey,” Jaebeom starts off-handedly. From the corner of his eye, he catches the way Jinyoung glances at him.

“Yes, hyung?”

“You didn’t you tell Jackson I’m gay.”

Jinyoung glances at him, putting the pot on the stove. He reaches to turn the burner on, swiveling so he can properly face Jaebeom. “Was I supposed to?”

“I just assumed you would’ve told him about me hitting on you at the party.”

“I almost did.” Jinyoung rubs his palms together, biting his lip. “But… it didn’t seem like something I’m supposed to share. I don’t really know… how like… deal with these things. ‘Deal’ doesn’t sound like the right word, here.” He grimaces, awkward. “But, I knew Jackson wouldn’t stop being your friend because you’re gay. Kaylee loves you, and his parents adore you. That’s all that matters, honestly.”

“I guess,” Jaebeom runs his hands down his face. “I just wasn’t expecting him to be so shocked when I made a gay joke.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I haven’t heard anything about that. So he’s not going around telling people, either. It’s not _our_ thing to tell others.”

“Maybe straight people do deserve rights.”

Jinyoung laughs, full and happy. “You like him, right?”

The rate in which they flipped between topics gives Jaebeom whiplash.

“Like what?”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. Jaebum feels stupid. “We’ve been talking about one subject pretty consistently. I think you can figure it out.”

“It’s — no.” Jaebeom’s face burns to his ears, down his neck. “Yes.”

“I might be crossing some lines here, but as the best friend, I gotta do it.” Jinyoung smirks, his eyebrow quirking. “You hurt him, and I’ll kill you.”

_Ugh_. “Even Youngjae threatened me.”

“I trust him, then.”

“It’s not even _like that_,” Jaebeom slumps back in the chair. When the fuck is the water going to start boiling? Topple over the brim and flood the kitchen? “I’m not going to chase after a straight dude.”

Jinyoung’s expression softens, lips uncurving and falling flat. But there’s still sass ridden all over his face. “I can tell you, from personal experience, that it’s super flattering.”

Jaebeom rolls his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re coming after me in my own home.”

“And, if you haven’t figured it out yet, Jackson loves being showered in compliments.”

Was that… suggestive? Jaebeom snaps his gaze back up to Jinyoung, but the bastard is already turned around, dumping ingredients into the boiling water.

Before Jaebeom can inquire, the sounds of someone throwing up in the bathroom ruin the moment. A groan follows, then Bambam comes in to sit at the table. He slumps over the plastic and groans when Jinyoung hands him tea. Youngjae comes in next, nearly cries over the pot of simmering haejangguk, and cries over a spoonful that Jinyoung offers him.

Everyone squeezes around the table by eleven. Jinyoung had helped Jaebeom bring some fold up chairs to get everyone a seat. The two of them drop their conversation about Jackson, hovering by the stove to discuss the Mary Oliver poems they exchanged, Jinyoung helping Jaebeom understand meaning in ones he didn’t get. They ignore the way the rest of the gang gripes, threatening to throw up with every bite of soup. No one makes a move to stop or run to the bathroom, though.

Jackson finishes first. He puts his bowl in the sink and leans right up against Jaebeom against the counter. Jaebeom keeps talking, even though Jinyoung’s surprised gaze sweeps over the way his best friend wraps his arms around Jaebeom’s neck. Jaebeom doesn’t mind, he never minds when Jackson initiates contact, and circles his arms around Jackson’s middle. They stay like that for minutes, probably too long, with Jackson breathing so softly against the nape of his neck, Jaebeom supporting all his weight, so silent that Jaebeom almost wonders if Jackson fell asleep against him.

  
  
  


**\-----------------------------------**

  
  
  
  
  


“It’s _noon_.” Jackson stands up quickly but crashes right back down. His arms flail while the group laughs at him and his skin flushes in embarrassment, Mark extending a hand for him.

“I can take you home.” Jaebeom says from across the room, unplugging his phone from the charger. Jackson’s phone is right there, so he grabs it, too.

“Did my parents call?”

Jaebeom swipes and enters in Jackson’s PIN; Kaylee’s birth year, and checks the notifications. He opens the unread message, ignoring Jackson’s other notifications, they’re not his business, even if Jackson doesn’t seem to care that his life is in Jaebeom’s hands.

It’s… a lot to process. That Jackson’s so willingly transparent with him.

Jaebeom turns the phone, shivering at the feeling of Jackson’s hand on his lower back. Soft, afraid to scare him. Soft, but not shy.

“You got a text.”

Mark offers the keys to his car because Jackson’s still a little green and not feeling up to getting on the bike. He has to get home, Jaebeom was there with him when he told his parents he’d be home in the morning.

“Oh,” Yugyeom’s voice is loud, that’s probably why he and Jackson are such great friends, but right now he’s subdued. It could be the hangover. “You’ve ridden with Jaebeom-hyung?”

“Yeah.” Jackson slides on his shoes and Jaebeom ducks into his room to get his own shoes. He’s not surprised when he turns and Mark’s standing in his closet doorway, staring him down in that I’m-your-best-friend-I-know-you-best look.

“You have the passkey to his phone.”

“It’s Kaylee’s birthday. It’s not that hard to figure out.”

“He literally cuddled you in front of everyone in the kitchen this morning, for like, fifteen minutes. You’ve taken him on your bike. You spend every Thursday night watching cartoons at his house. He brings you breakfast at work. You’ve been spending your breaks quizzing him for exams instead of sitting with Youngjae.”

Yeah, _duh_. It’s not like Jaebeom doesn’t know. He’s the one that keeps going back. He’s the one that sits next to Jackson on the couch and steals glances at his side profile, he’s the one that gets walked out to his bike at the end of the night, he’s the one that sits in the grass for another hour or so, talking and laughing and whispering when Jackson gets too loud, he’s the one that watches Jackson tuck Kaylee into bed and lean over to place the sweetest, softest of kisses to her forehead. He’s the one that says things he doesn’t mean to, baring his soul and ripping open his heart and he’s the one that’s letting himself do this to himself.

“I don’t need you to fuckin’ tell me.”

“Are you stupid? Dude. What the fuck’s going on—? "

“_Nothing_, Mark.”

Mark’s fiery and blunt and that’s why they work so well together. That’s why Mark’s always been around. Jaebeom needs someone to keep him in line. “You run away from commitment because you’ve got mommy and daddy issues, — because you’ve been thrown around between countries and you don’t know what consistency feels like.”

Fuck. _Fuck_.

“You ‘don’t do’ relationships because you’ve never been in a healthy one, and sometimes _you’re_ the cancer of the relationship.”

That’s why his ex left him, that’s why Hoseok left, sobbing, saying you’re not in this. no matter what i do, what i say, you’re never with me. That’s why he slept with his ex’s boyfriend, to start shit, to spread the pain, because Jaebeom didn’t know how to process his own.

“Something’s different with Jackson.” Mark has always been quiet, but now he’s even quieter, voice low enough only for Jaebeom to hear, only for Jaebeom to feel the meaning behind his words. “I’ve never seen you like someone the way you like him.”

Jaebeom stalls out, needs to lie in bed, recharge. He recoils when Mark’s hand comes to his, tangling their fingers together; an invitation that Jaebeom won’t take. He’s not going to cry when the whole gang is just outside his bedroom.

“JB… What's going on?”

The way Mark’s voice shifted from quiet to softly comforting is enough to snap a nerve in Jaebeom. He rears back and bites back a sob, digging his teeth so hard into his bottom lip that he might break skin.

All these new feelings bloom in Jaebeom’s chest. “I like Jackson.”

It’s more than a crush, or him lusting, seeking out a one night stand. It’s not just physical, and it wrenches at Jaebeom’s insides. Aren’t these types of feelings supposed to be good? He feels awful.

“Mark. I…” His hands shake. “Mark. I — I really like him.” 

The door pushes open with a knock, and Jaebeom shoves his whole self into the closet, burying his face into a random sweater sleeve to mop up his tears.

“I’m gonna wait in the car.” Jackson calls out. Jaebeom doesn’t have a voice to respond with.

“He’s changing, coming out in a sec.” Mark says with a smile, voice cheery and light, nothing like what it had been a few seconds ago.

The car ride passes in silence, just the low melody of the radio. Jackson leans back in his seat and closes his eyes until they get there, and Jackson turns his whole body towards Jaebeom.

Jaebeom looks up at Jackson, at the way he smiles and the sun reflects off his brown eyes. Jaebeom could sit here all afternoon and memorize the way his irises pool, the way there’s gold hidden in them, chase the sunshine.

“Do you want to come in for a second? Say hi to Kaylee?”

Jaebeom grips the steering wheel. “I should head back.”

With a nod, a tight smile, Jackson slips out of the car, glances over his shoulder as he closes the door, stops to wave when he gets to the porch, waves again before he closes the door.

The apartment is cleared out when Jaebeom gets back. He doesn’t know what Mark said to clear the place out but trusts Mark blindly, knowing that Mark didn’t tell anyone anything. Only Youngjae has a inkling, who gives Jaebeom a tight hug as he heads out.

“I’m going home, let me know if you want me to come back.” He says, throws in a happy laugh that pulls a smile on Jaebeom’s lips despite everything. He’s barely out the door when Mark comes around the corner, arms open for Jaebeom to crash into.

“Where’s your blunt?”

Mark hugs him tighter, sways him. “Living room, in the box on the bookshelf.”

  
  
  


**\-----------------------------------**

  
  
  
  
  
  


Jaebeom does what he does best: shoves his feelings into a little box, fucks some random Grindr dude, and shows up to Thursday at Jackson’s house with his chest hollowed out. He hugs Jackson with one arm, hands over his bag of drinks, and side steps him the same way he’s been avoiding his feelings. He doesn’t want anything to change between them, aside from probably needing to create physical space. He avoids the seat next to Jackson, sits on the opposite couch.

Kaylee comes screaming from across the house, Ricky gets up to say hello, and Jaebeom just wants to fill himself with this; with Kaylee’s kisses on his nose, Ricky’s loud laughter, Sophia’s kiss on his hairline that he has to bend over for, and Jackson, wholly.

His life has already been filled; Jackson still swings by the library to drop off breakfast scones and coffee, Kaylee gives kisses, and there’s still an ever-growing album of Jackson and Kaylee’s photos on his phone, and Jaebeom doesn’t know how to sort it all out, how to separate himself from his new life that he loves so much.

After a couple of nights, Mark takes the box from the living room.

Jaebeom lies face down on the couch for most of that evening. He doesn’t know how else to cope with how he and Jackson’s lives have interlaced, seamlessly, especially now since Jackson’s on summer break and they have so much free time to spend together and Jaebeom gives in to it all; drowning himself.

One afternoon, one of his afternoons off, he has plans to meet with Jinyoung, and shows up a little late.

Jinyoung looks handsome with his hair ruffled from a morning at the ocean, in a striped shirt and jean shorts, looking summery and approachable.

“You look cute.” Jaebeom comments. Jinyoung handles it well, with a smile.

“Your flattery isn’t going to work on me this time.”

His smile isn’t the same. It’s… evil. It’s the smile he usually aims at Yugyeom, or Jackson, when he says something dumb. (But cute, in Jaebeom’s opinion.)

“You’re late.”

By, like, half hour.

“I overslept.”

“You don’t oversleep when you meet with Jackson and Kaylee at nine in the morning to play at the park.”

Oh. He knows about that.

Okay.

“I’ll buy you a coffee?”

“Americano. No sugar.”

“Disgusting.” Jaebeom chokes, laughing and dodging a book Jinyoung swings. “Do you want a sandwich, too?”

“If they have anything good.” Jinyoung leans back in his seat, a worn leather couch that fits the deliberate chaos of the hipster cafe perfectly, and Jaebeom leaves to get their drinks and overpriced brie sandwiches. At least they’re filling.

Jinyoung plays on his phone until Jaebeom comes back, settling their drinks down on the glass countertop. “Remember when we met?”

“I don’t need to be reminded that I hit on you.” Jaebeom sighs, leaning on the table and bringing his mug to his lips.

“Hmm, I wasn’t going to talk about it, but I won’t complain if you tell me how handsome I am.”

Jaebeom rolls his eyes. “What were you going to say?”

“I said that I’d replace Jackson for you as my best friend, remember that?”

“Am I still in the running? Have I surpassed him yet?” Jaebeom hides his smile behind his mug. “There’s nothing I want more, than to be Prince Jinyoung’s best friend.”

Jinyoung looks pleased, putting his cup down with a laugh. “You’re almost as good as he is at flattery. _Almost_.”

Jackson’s not shy with giving compliments, still pretty bad at receiving them, which is why Jaebeom wants to give them all to him. Jackson should see the value he has in himself.

“I think you ended up beating me, at being his best friend. You’re his new best friend and honestly this is the biggest betrayal I’ve ever felt. Is this how Caesar felt? Et tu, Brute?” Jinyoung leans back dramatically over the chair, arm over his eyes. He lets out an exaggerated sigh, sounding truly pained.

Jaebeom pushes down his feelings. Boxes. “What do you mean?”

All the evidence is on Jinyoung’s phone. He has Instagram pulled up on Jackson’s profile. The last three posts are of him.

Jaebeom’s heart does something ugly, bittersweet hope pouring in until it overflows and he chokes on it, blinking away tears.

The most recent post is from yesterday, a pretty shot of Jaebeom leaning over and holding Kaylee’s hand, both of them with their feet in the ocean. The colors of the sunset fade into a brilliant orange, bursting with an emotion that looks a lot like Jaebeom’s sentiments towards Jackson.

It’s a beautiful shot, passionate and peaceful, captioned, _said I don't know what I'd do without you in my life, it'd be so sour._

The one before that is a blurry, filtered shot of Jaebeom pulling away from Jackson’s house on his bike. The caption is filled with dumb emoji’s; too many fire ones, a couple bombs. The goofiness appeases the tremor in Jaebeoms’ chest.

And the other one is a series of photos, some group photos. The first one, though, is a selfie from the group’s night out. Before getting wasted they’d gotten a picture together, Jaebeom’s smile and crinkled eyes squished against Jackson’s excited grin. From this side of the camera it looks happy, but Jaebeom remembers how nervous he had been.

“You guys are super cute and happy, huh?”

Jaebeom glances up at Jinyoung. “You’re more Jackson’s friend than mine— ”

“—These photos are telling me something else.”

“Anyway— ” Jaebeom means how sharp it comes out. “I’m not talking to you about this.”

Everyone wants to talk about it, send him pitiful looks when they think he’s not looking. Jaebeom just wants to keep shoving it down. Deep, deep down. He’ll get over it.

Jinyoung doesn’t look at him like that. It’s pensive, his eyebrows scrunched, just enough, that Jaebeom wonders what thoughts are floating around in Jinyoung’s head. He looks like he can’t figure something out.

“Would you be able to look at my resume?”

Whatever thoughts those are, Jaebeom knows they’re for another time.

“Resume?” Jinyoung blinks, wiping the look off his face.

“Yeah.”

“Looking for a new job?”

Jaebeom doesn’t know why he’s suddenly shy. He and Jinyoung have the same degree, but Jinyoung has an official office job he can apply it to, Jaebeom doesn’t.

“I need more money.” It’s not untrue.

“Yeah I'll look at it. I’ll send you my email, and you can send it.”

  
  
  


**\-----------------------------------**

  
  
  
  
  


Kaylee loves getting her dresses dirty.

“I found a stain remover that gets even _grass_ out of her clothes. If she wants to wear a frilly pink and white dress to play at the park, then I’m armed and ready to go.” Jackson’s Dad Gaze stays locked on her heart-patterned dress, even from a distance. If he turns away even for a second to catch Jaebeom’s gaze, he will find her within seconds when he turns back. As if he’s been trained for this. Jaebeom still has difficulty finding her so quickly in a sea of children.

Kaylee goes to stand on the edge of the slide and some impatient child that couldn’t wait another three seconds goes careening down the slide, toppling her over. Jackson stands, every muscle in his body pulling tight but Jaebeom puts a hand on his hip. Kaylee’s fine. She gets up and wipes the wood chips off her face. Some hang from her pigtails.

“That’s not nice!” She stops her little foot and the boy that knocked her over looks uncomfortable, pulling on his overalls.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” He brightens up a little bit, pushing his unruly hair from his eyes. “Do you wanna play on the swings?!” He holds out his hand and Kaylee grabs at it, the two of them running to the miniature swing set, perfectly sized for toddlers.

Jackson’s shoulder sag. “I wish all my problems could be solved like that.”

“Do you want me to push you on the swings?” Jaebeom doesn’t think he means it. Maybe he does mean it.

When Jackson doesn’t object, being uncharacteristically quiet long enough for Jaebeom to realize he’s being stared at, Jaebeom finds himself staring back, just, accepting fate.

“You want me to push you on the swings.” It’s not a question.

“Is that weird? I feel like that’s not very adult of me.”

“Sometimes I forget you’re an adult.”

Jackson puts both hands over his heart, and scrambles to get up and follow Jaebeom. “Damn, you wound me.”

The very first push on the sing is brutal, it’s Jaebeom trying to launch Jackson into the fucking clouds.

“This was a bad idea.” Jackson digs his heels into the wood chips as he comes back down, coming to a sideways stop only inches out of Jaebeom’s reach. “That dad over there has been mean muggin’ us all afternoon and now he’s all red.”

“He’s jealous he’s not having as much fun as us.” Jaebeom grabs for the chains holding the swing. “C’mon, I’m gonna flip you.”

“Like hell you —”

There are times when Jaebeom wants to be soft with Jackson; hold him close. Kiss his eyelids. Make him breakfast.

There are times when Jaebeom wants to be rough with Jackson; pin him against the door. Bite his lip. Tease him until that pretty red stain of his cheeks flare all the way down to his chest and the only word on his lips is Jaebeom’s name.

There are times when Jaebeom wants to tease Jackson because Jackson’s cute. His blush is deep and his laugh is high and Jaebeom could listen to it all day. He wants to shower Jackson in attention, dote on him until he’s flushed and sweet. Sometimes he wants to be rough in a soft, playful kind of way and honestly, Jaebeom get whiplash from his own feelings.

Jaebeom pushes Jackson and laughs as his legs kick out and he screeches. Kaylee comes running to laugh at her dad and her boy friend comes along, watching as Jackson pushes off the swing and lands in the dirt.

“That’s not fair! I’m scared of heights!”

“You’re a wuss. That’s not even high up. It’s a _swing_.” Jaebeom helps Jackson up, laughing and reaching up to squeeze his cheeks, because Jackson’s flushed red and it’s irresistible. Kaylee hops around them, clapping, her friend throwing his arms into the air. He wants to be pushed on the swings, too, and they’re at a park in public goofing off at the swingset so Jaebeom doesn’t think twice when he steps over and kneels in the woodchips front of the boy,

“What’s your name?”

“I’m Jonathan!” He says enthusiastically. “What’s your name?”

“I’m JB,” He replies, helping the boy maneuver into the child’s swing. “Do you want me to push you?”

Jonathan yells in delight when his swings moves forward, Jaebeom starting off easy. Jackson and Kaylee are at the swing at their side, but Jackson doesn’t get his daughter in the swing. He’s putting her down almost as quickly as he’d picked her up.

“Jaebeom.” His voice doesn’t match the tone of the park, the sun on their backs, it’s cold and sharp and uncomfortable. Jaebeom’s hands falter as he gives Jonathan another gentle shove, swinging him only a tad higher.

“What’s wrong?”

The joy from the day, the moment, peters out. The same dad that Jackson had been worried about comes up, grabbing Jonathan from the swing in a haste, getting Jonathon’s foot caught in the leg-holes of the swing seat.

“You two need to keep that shit to yourselves.”

Jackson moves quickly, grabbing Kaylee and pulling her behind him. Jaebeom takes a step forward, shielding the both of them. The fury in the mans eyes flares up, trying to back Jaebeom up. It falters when Jaebeom stands his ground, unflinching when the man steps forward.

Angry Dad puts his son back down, tells him to wait a second and Jaebeom feels awful for the way Jonathan’s eyes fill with tears. He shoves his little fingers into his mouth and holds back a stunned sob.

Jaebeom straightens his shoulders and angles his chin and he’s bigger than this dude. He knows how to fight. He would never swing first. Never. But he’s ready. He knows how to take a hit, he’s been doing that for a long time.

“My son shouldn’t be seein’ this faggot shit.”

Behind Jaebeom, Jackson sucks in a breath.

“I feel bad for that girl.” He looks towards Kaylee and Jaebeom steps over, blocking his view.

“What’s there to feel bad for? She’s surrounded by people that love and care for her, in a home where she’d never be exposed to the kind of hate and ignorance you’re giving right now.” Jaebeom replies evenly, counting his next breath. The fact that he and Jackson aren’t together is irrelevant. “Jonathan was having fun, and it’s not my sexual orientation that ruined his day at the park.”

The man steps forward and Jaebeom still doesn’t move an inch. The dad’s face turns red, dipping into his hairline. “The fuck you say? The fuck are you implying?”

“Hate is learned, just like every other fuckin’ thing they do.” Jaebeom deadpans. “Children watch and copy their parents —”

“The fuck you even know about being a parent? Kids need a mom _and_ a dad.”

“I would take having two dads or two moms that love me over having _one_ asshole like you, any day.”

It’s unsurprising, really, the way the man lunges forward, grabbing the front of Jaebeom’s shirt in fistfulls, pulling. Jaebeom falls into it, doesn’t provoke any more. Jaebeom’s training has always focused on defense; never swing first. So, all Jaebeom does is avoid the man’s fist. A neat pivot on his heel and his shirt unravels from the man’s fist. He can step back now and create distance.

Growing up with a temper and bullies, Jaebeom had always been quick with his fists and quicker with insults. It’s why he’d been expelled from high school in Korea, the last straw for his parents ever-thinning patience with him, and they shipped him off to California, gave him his own apartment and everything, because they didn’t want to deal with him. He’d learned to curb his anger and control his fists through judo lessons with Mark, because Mark’s parents recommended it. While Jaebeom’s less aggressive now, learning to simmer down the heat that flares in his veins when he gets angry, Mark still lets it flare outwards, teasing because he knows he could beat someone up.

When the father comes back, fist white-knuckled and crazy, coming at Jaebeom aimlessly, only directed by rage and wounded pride, Jaebeom dodges. His fist comes up and he adjusts the position of his fist to his wrist to the guys face, but before he can get the satisfaction of decking the guy, a hand wraps around his bicep.

“We’re leaving.” Jackson says.

Jaebeom drops his arm and steps back, one arm curling around to keep Jackson behind him. He zones his gaze in on the guy, still threatening. The man looks him up and down, at the way Jaebeom has an arm on Jackson’s hip, but his gaze is less intense. His anger and confidence in check since he’s realized Jaebeom has martial arts training, and he doesn’t stand a chance.

The park isn’t that packed, just roaming mothers with their kids and an elderly group of friends power-walking around the field, but suddenly everyone’s circling and Jackson tries to appease the situation, pulling on Jaebeom.

“Ma’am, it’s okay, you don’t have to call the cops.” Jackson lets go of Jaebeom, steps away, so he can handle the murmuring crowd of concerned parents. Jaebeom doesn’t hear them, focused on the man like there’s no one else around. He’s memorizing that face, the scowl, the thick eyebrows and crooked nose, in case he sees the guy anywhere else when Jackson’s not around.

“It’s fine.” The man grips his jaw, the rage in his eyes as red as Jaebeom’s vision. "I won’t be pressing charges. John and I are heading home.”

Jaebeom almost spits in his face. “Right, because _you’re_ the victim in an unsolicited attack against a gay couple.”

Jackson grabs at him again, holding him in a way that doesn’t give him a choice, “We’re leaving.”

It’s only a few minute’s walk back to Jackson’s house, but Jaebeom’s sure his wrist is going to bruise by how hard Jackson’s got it in a lock.

They mask the tension as best they can, Jackson apologizing and reassuring a rather calm Kaylee. She gives Jaebeom a thumbs up and a cute little attempt at a wink. She closes one eye, but the other follows, so really she’s just blinking at him. Jaebeom winks back, and she covers her giggles with a hand.

In the house, Sophia takes Kaylee and says something in Mandarin, leading her upstairs to take a bath and get the scuffed dirt off her knees. As soon as the room empties, Jackson spins around, eyes wide and chest heaving with a breath.

“Thank you.”

Well, that’s not what Jaebeom expected.

“I’m so bad at confrontation, I get choked up and my words don’t make sense and I get panicky.” Jackson shifts his weight from one foot to the other. Jaebeom doesn’t reach out to hold his hands.

“I’m sorry you witnessed that.”

Jackson looks around the living room. Standing half in the doorway probably isn’t the best place for this conversation. He goes to the kitchen, where the sound of running water from upstairs hums through the pipes above their heads. He goes to the cupboards and digs out a medium-sized pot as Jaebeom takes a seat at the table.

“You handled it so well I’m kind of jealous. And I know you said you do karate but I wasn’t expecting you to look so _cool_ while doing it.”

“This isn’t the first time some homophobic asshole’s come at me in public.” Jaebeom leans against the chair, letting his head hang back. “Sorry that he assumed that you’re gay, and that you got dragged into that shit.” It was probably weird for you.

“It’s fine. He’s not. Uh.” Jackson laughs, high pitched and awkward and when Jaebeom opens his eyes and peers over, Jackson’s motionless at the stove. The pot sits on the back burner and Jackson has his hand stretched over it, fingers curled around the knob.

The stove turns on with a click and Jackson finds the lid underneath the stove. The glassware clanks noisily.

“He’s not totally wrong.”

Jaebeom’s breath catches. “Huh?”

“It’s funny. Jinyoung said something a few days ago, about you… Thinking I’m straight? And this shit happened today and I, uh, dunno, feel like I should put it out there? I’m not… gay. I’m pretty sure I’m bi. Like. I was only seventeen when Maribel and I started dating, and then we had Kaylee, and Maribel and I stuck together for a while, through the pregnancy and for a few years. And I’ve been so busy with Kaylee and school and work that I haven’t really had time to, like, worry? About it? I went on one date with a dude like three years ago and he was a kiss-first-date-type of guy so sometimes I wonder if I freaked out about the kiss with a guy, or just the kiss. Because, like, I wouldn’t even kiss a girl first date. Even epically horny seventeen year old me took it slow with Maribel, and —”

“Hey, Jacks?”

Jackson thwacks the back of his hand on an open drawer, spinning around and looking cornered and frightened.

Jaebeom can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. “You kissing another dude is kinda gay.”

The tension that had been ready to snap eases off, dispersing like a cloud and Jackson just laughs, nursing his hand. “I hoped so.”

“And don’t worry about labeling it.” Jaebeom says, leaning over and smiling at Jackson. His heart flips when Jackson’s expression relaxes. “You’ll figure it out. You’ll figure yourself out, at your own pace.”

Jackson’s smile drops, and the way he looks at Jaebeom looms, fissures hot, before a storm.

  
  
  


**\-----------------------------------**

  
  
  
  
  


They head back to the park later that night, after Kaylee’s tucked in, after the sun has set, and there’s only a neighbor running laps with their golden retriever. They go back to the swings, where the white lamps provide just enough light that shadows cast deeply over their faces, but illuminates the swingset so they don’t trip over anything.

Jaebeom indulges his inner child and swings on the swing next to Jackson, kicking his feet higher, getting more airborne, and Jackson forgets about his apparent fear of heights, trying to get higher than Jaebeom. Jaebeom forgets about everything else in these quiet, closed off moments. He forgets about the stress, about everything that hangs over his head during the day, and forgets that he shouldn’t have these feelings for Jackson. Here he’s with his friend, laughing and swinging off the days’ troubles, even forgetting about the man from only a few hours earlier, though he can see the spot where it happened right over Jackson’s shoulder.

But Jaebeom feels the need to pop the bubble, to not let himself sink down too much into it, and flings himself from the swing. The landing is awkward and the wood chips crunch under his Vans. He falls, tumbling to the wood chips and picks one out of his ear.

Jackson hovers over him, getting dirt smudges on his light-wash jeans, and Jaebeom laughs with him, heart fluttering when Jackson’s hands come to brush the wood and dirt from his face, or his shoulders. Or his chest.

The white lights cast long shadows over Jackson’s angled face, and the crescent moon in the sky makes him look untouchable. Other wordly. Too angelic for Jaebeom, and all his insecurities and hang-ups and baggage.

“Hey, chaebol?”

Jaebeom’s smile had fallen. The dumb nickname brings it back.

“Can I tell you something?”

“You can tell me anything.”

Jackson pauses. Jaebeom waits. Notices the way Jackson’s eyes trail over his face. He thinks he must look ugly like this, lying in the dirt with his hair a mess and sweat accumulating at his hairline, but Jackson looks at him like he’s beautiful. He’s winded, but less from the fall and more from the way Jackson looks at him.

He looks so serious, and Jaebeom files away this look. He’s never seen this before; it’s not Dad Jackson having a talk with Kaylee about her inappropriate comments at the grocery store. It’s not Student Jackson, reciting the arteries of the heart. It’s Jackson exposing his own, on this hot summer night, testing to see if Jaebeom will expose his, too.

So Jaebeom leans up on one elbow, narrowing the distance between them and his hand slides behind Jackson’s neck the same moment Jackson’s hand falls to his waist.

Jackson speaks in a reserved, gravely tone, “I really like you, Jaebeom.”

For the first time in weeks, Jaebeom breathes out. He tugs on Jackson with the same tenderness of the pull of the moon, and brings their mouths together for a kiss.

  
  
  


**\-----------------------------------**

  
  
  
  
  


Jaebeom falls asleep only after he’s mentally exhausted himself, running what if’s and hypotheticals about a romantic relationship between him and Jackson, at nearly four in the morning.

But his alarm goes off at seven-thirty, a startling reminder of the real world. He and Jackson had kissed only a few more times after that, everything soft and sweet and cliche, and Jackson had said, “Text me when you get home,” which he always does, every time Jaebeom leaves. But this time he’d said it with his arms perched on Jaebeom’s shoulders and Jaebeom’s hands on his waist and their smiles touching. They hadn’t mentioned anything else, and, Jaebeom realizes in too-late horror, that he hadn’t said_ I like you_ back.

He blindly swats at his bed for his phone and swipes Jackson’s name to call him.

Jackson picks up right before voicemail does. “Jaebeom? I’m at work, is everything —”

“I really like you.” Jaebeom blurts, bringing his hand to his face. “Jackson, I like you so _fucking_ much and I didn’t even tell you.”

A pained groan comes from the other end. “Are you serious? I think I got the message loud and clear last night when you held me and kissed me and called me handsome. Did you, oh my God. I’m in a frickin’ freezer right now and I don’t think my heart can handle this is in below-freezing temperatures. I hate you —”

“Can I take you on a date?”

“I’m at _work_.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t take you now, obviously.”

“_Obviously_.” Jackson says like he can’t believe it.

“We could do a double date with Mark and Youngjae? We could go to the movies. And then ice skating? I can go pick you up. And we can do an early night because I know you’re up early for work.”

“You’re a romantic? I’m gonna fling myself into the fucking sun.”

“Is that a yes?”

“The _sun_, Jaebeom. My feelings for you make me want to eject myself into space. So, yeah. It’s a yes. It’s a _big_ yes.”

“We could bring Kaylee, too. If you can’t get a babysitter, or feel bad for leaving her with your parents.”

“You would… be okay with that?” Jackson makes another pained noise. “My boss is calling me you’re the worst for doing this when you’re not here for me to kiss you.”

Jaebeom feels so stupid, grinning the way he is. “Tomorrow night?”

“We — Hey! What’s up?” Jackson sounds like he’s been caught hiding in the freezer with his phone and Jaebeom laughs at the mental image and can’t be mad when Jackson hangs up. And then laughs because, fuck, he’s so happy he could scream.

He buries his face in his pillow to (totally _not_) do just that.

  
  
  


**\-----------------------------------**

  
  
  
  
  


Mark grips the punching bag tighter, his expressive eyes flashing anger through his sweat-soaked bangs. He opens his mouth to gasp for air, and barely flinches as Jaebeom socks the punching bag, getting out his frustrations, filling his best friend in on what happened in the park.

“Are you fuckin’ serious? This scumbag is our neighbor?”

Jaebeom shrugs, bouncing back on his feet and tightening his shoulders, his biceps, and punches the bag with a force that forces Mark a step back. “He must be, if he was at the park.”

“Point him out when you see him.” Mark says. They both know Jaebeom’s not going to do that, not with Mark’s temper being as unhinged as it can be. It’s been a few days since the encounter, and Jaebeom’s still fuzzy with everything that’s happened. He’s still trying to formulate the words to share the progress happening between him and Jackson. He has to keep reminding himself it’s really happening, that Jackson’s good morning texts mean something a little more, that he can lean in and drop kisses on Jackson’s face when they’re together.

They move from the punching bags to the mat; both of them slower since they’d started a few hours ago. Mark’s uncles dojo has cleared out for the night, and they’re back on their weekly sparring sessions. Their lives are slowing back down from what’s been going on; Jaebeom and Jackson’s lives merging together, and Mark and Youngjae working out long-term problems growing on their end.

“How the smoking thing going?” Jaebeom hasn’t seen a single pack in the garbages, or a single crushed cigarette in the abandoned, rain-filled ashtray on the porch. Mark hasn’t smoked pot much, either, and Jaebeom’s gotten high by himself way too many times this past week or so. Bambam still comes over for nachos and movie night, though, just as happy to relax with them like they did back in high school, before the drugs.

Mark’s next punch comes a little harder, hurting through the padding of Jaebeom’s gloves. “It’s… good. Youngjae and I started running in the mornings, and that makes the shakes go away. For a little while.”

“I’m glad he’s pushing you into this.”

Their eyes meet for a second, Mark’s heavy with exertion. “He’s always hated it, and wouldn’t even kiss me after a cig until I brushed my teeth. So that was why I had really slowed it down, y’know? But he always knew if I tried to sneak one.”

“Your lungs say thank you.” Jaebeom says, noticing how Mark isn’t wheezing now, like he used to.

“Yeah.” Mark breathes and Jaebeom lunges forward, throwing a solid punch to his shoulder. He stumbles, then steps right back into Jaebeom’s space. “It’s just. Tough. With his parents, y’know? Like he can come to my house whenever he wants, and my parents love him, but Youngjae’s parents aren’t even totally aware I exist.”

“He hasn’t even introduced you as a friend?”

Mark shakes his head, and Jaebeom’s punch is dodged. “No, he, uh, his parents are really homophobic.”

“You’ve been together over _two_ years.”

“I know. And I want him to just say something. We saw his brother last week at the mall....”

Jaebeom’s heart sinks, he drops his arms as Mark freezes, hands lax in the air in front of him.

“Jae pulled his hand away and took a step to the side and then ducked. We walked into Hollister and, like, we looked around, and he sprayed me with some nasty-ass cologne and we laughed about it, but it hurts. It hurts that he won’t even introduce me as a friend. Like, I love him. And I get it. I… I _get_ it.” Mark looks up at Jaebeom, both of them just standing there now. It’d look totally awkward if anyone else walked by.

Nothing needs to be said, Jaebeom knows that Mark’s thinking of when Jaebeom came out to his parents. He’d come out to his mother, first, on one of her trips to the U.S. She’d completely stilled at the news, told him _you don’t marry for love, anyway_._ Just marry a pretty woman that’ll give you children. Don't tell your father._

She moved her flight back to Seoul up a week, but still stuck around a few days. Then she told Jaebeom she didn’t approve of his decision. That she didn’t understand why he’d want to be like this.

Jaebeom had only nodded at her. Mark held him while he cried. Every time.

To this day, Jaebeom’s not even sure his father knows. All he knows is that it’s only his mother that calls him to wish him a happy birthday, and it’s only his mom that signs the holiday cards, and his mom that sends him money on New Years.

Mark lifts his fists and tries to shake off the somber mood. “How’s your trainwreck of a relationship with a straight boy?”

“Trainwreck.” Jaebeom frowns. It doesn’t feel fair to tell Mark that it’s going great. That Jackson kissed him, that Jackson came out to him, when Mark’s having troubles in his own relationship.

“Yeah. You’re okay?”

They have such a dumb relationship sometimes; they’re both hot-headed so their arguments are always blown out of proportion. But at the same time, they’re blunt with each other. And there’s no one Jaebeom trusts more than Mark.

“He uh, came out as bi to me.” Jaebeom lands a blow on Mark’s shoulder, then he pounds on, determined to not let Mark make this a sappy moment. “And then he said he liked me and we spent the whole night just. Kissing each other.”

“He has a daughter.”

Jaebeom glares.

Mark blinks back at him, his arms flop to his sides. “Are you guys dating?” He’s so surprised by the news that he doesn’t bother to hide it, and Jaebeom thinks he knows exactly why Mark’s so shocked. 

“I don’t… I don’t know if we’d make a good couple.”

“What? Why?”

Jaebeom shrugs. Then he shrugs again because, like, what the fuck, how _do_ they make sense?

“He’s. Just.” He resorts to swinging his gloved hands around, hoping that years of being best friends has set up some sort of telepathy between them so he doesn’t have to struggle through his own feelings.

“He’s responsible? He’s a caring, adoring father? He’s ambitious and everything you’re not?”

“Fuck you,”

Alright, so, maybe that link is there. Jaebeom takes back everything he said about hoping it’d would be.

Mark takes his gloves off and walks towards the mirrored wall, settling on the floor. Jaebeom resigns to his fate and sits across from him. He looks down while Mark talks.

“You’ve been doing the dishes. Which is, like, the easiest fuckin’ chore in the house but you used to just let your fuckin’ dishes sit in the sink until they stank up the kitchen.”

Jaebeom opens his mouth, but Mark plows on.

“You picked up your dirty ass socks from the bathroom floor and put them in the hamper. You actually respond to my texts now because you actually look at your phone. And, like, you’ve just been happier? You’ve been more responsible. Which, like, you’ve never been responsible.”

It’s true. He’s skirted through life; his parents paid for everything. His car, his education, his apartment in LA. Everything.

“You bring dudes in and out of the house and have, like, no regards for other people except for the two or three people you’ve let into your life. You graduated from college and worked at one bank for like six months, decided you hated it, and never went to look for something else. But you’ve been changing, little by little.”

Jaebeom opens his mouth again and this time, doesn’t let himself be cut off. “I applied.” So Mark shuts his mouth, his eyebrows shooting up into his forehead. “I’ve been applying to jobs. To like, jobs where I can use my degree, maybe get a salary and health insurance.”

“Health insurance. The mark of a true adult.”

They both laugh a little, and Mark reaches his hand out. Jaebeom slides his palm against Mark’s. They’re too sweaty for hugs.

“You’ve never thought of the future, and now you are.”

“Jackson’s too good for me.”

Mark shrugs. Shakes his head. Grips a little tighter. “Youngjae’s too good for me. But our relationship is all about support. I’m not the only one struggling, I’m not the only one that’s upset that he can’t come out to his parents. Youngjae’s working on his nursing certification, and now that you’re friends, kinda boyfriends? With Jackson, you see how _hard_ it is. So things are rocky, yeah, we both have our own lives but we come together at the end of the day, at any time of the day, and _that’s_ what’s important. Even though it gets stressful, and sometimes Youngjae doesn’t leave his bedroom for _days_ so he can study, and I’m left bored and alone, I support who he is. We balance each other out. And your lazy as fuck attitude is kind of good for Jackson. He’s so preoccupied with the future while you’re not. And he’s slowing down while you're speeding up. Relationships should be balanced.”

Jaebeom stares down at his hands.

“You and Jackson? You're gonna meet in the middle. You two support each other, care for each other, don’t force each other to change, but inspire each other to be better people." Mark leans forward, forcing eye contact. "Jaebeom, don’t run from this.”


	5. Chapter 5

It’s only because I love you.” Youngjae says while handing over his long-sleeved blouse, the fall-themed stripes are the most color Jaebeom’s worn in a long time. “That you can borrow my favorite shirt.”

Jaebeom pulls it on over his shoulders and buttons it up. Youngjae helps him adjust it so the lines of the shirt aren’t visible through the jeans. They’re a light-wash, crisp and unworn and found at the bottom of his dresser. His shoes are Mark’s borrowed converse. He forgets that they have the same shoe size sometimes, since Jaebeom’s significantly bigger than his best friend, and they can’t share clothes.

“It’s for good luck.” Youngjae says, adjusting the sleeves, too. “We support you.”

“Yeah, just don’t tell him anything embarrassing about me.”

Mark just makes a face. Yeah, right.

This is still Jaebeom's best idea, though.

He picks Jackson up at his house, cradling a yellow sunflower in his hand as he rings the doorbell. He didn’t bring a bouquet because even though he’s a romantic, he’s a little shy. And he doesn’t know if Jackson’s parents know, or if they’d even okay with their son dating a man. Also, he couldn’t fit a whole bundle of roses in his draw-string bag. He meticulously wrapped it and placed it in a way he hoped it wouldn't get crushed in.

Jaebeom smiles, pulling his shoulders tight as he makes eye contact with Jackson as the door opens.

Jackson takes one look at the flower, stumbles out of the house and closes the door on his father’s friendly greeting and all of Jaebeom’s efforts to preserve the flower end in vain when Jackson flings himself into Jaebeom’s arms, squishing the flower between them.

“But —!” Jaebeom rips away and stares down at the now-sad sunflower. It droops, and a few of the petals fall off. “No…”

Jackson looks at him, his expression torn between various emotions. “You brought me a sunflower.”

“But it’s dead, now.”

“How are you even real?”

Jaebeom lifts his head, confused. “What do you mean?”

“You look really like, tough and hard from a distance. And you kind of are, with your sewing-needle piercings and all black ensemble and the fact that you got expelled from school in another country, and the fact that you punch homophobes in the face. But then you call me at seven in the morning to tell me that you like me, and you bring me flowers, and you love Kaylee and tell me that I can bring her on a date —”

“Hey, Jacks.” To reel him back in.

“It’s just that this is suddenly happening so fast. Like I’ve liked you since Kaylee’s party that was months ago and now you’re here bringing me flowers when I never, ever, even let myself entertain the idea of you…”

He really stops talking.

Waves his hand at Jaebeom, who makes sense of _one_ thing out of the babbling.

“You started liking me back in February?” It’s late May.

“Yeah.”

_Same._

Jaebeom doesn’t know what to do with the silence. He glances down, then extends the sunflower out, nearly shoving it into Jackson’s hands. “I’ll buy you another flower.”

Once inside, Jackson doesn’t hold Jaebeom’s hand, but he makes a grand gesture at the lopsided flower and tells his parents, who are sitting on the couch with a look of apprehension that tells Jaebeom they have an idea of what’s going on, “I’ve got handsome boys bringing me flowers~”

Sophia beams, and Ricky frowns. “It’s crushed.”

Jackson deflates a little. “Yeah, that’s my fault.”

“Don’t bring him things he can break, bring him things he can eat.” Ricky laughs, smiling at Jaebeom.

“Things like chocolate. A whole box of chocolates so that I can have some, too.” Sophia goes over to Jaebeom to give him a hug, and he returns the gesture, palms sweaty. He hadn’t been expecting such acceptance.

“Noted.” _Happiness_, that’s what fills Jaebeom. “What kind of chocolate do you like?”

“Anything, caramel turtles, or dark chocolate and orange.” Sophia puts her hands on his shoulders, gives him a cute wink, and Jaebeom can’t help but smile at her.

Jackson makes a retching noise as he re-enters the living room, the flower looking even more pathetic in a glass cup filled with water. “Dark chocolate is gross.”

“I’ll buy him a whole box, then.” Jaebeom promises, grinning when Sophia moves to hug him again.

Upstairs, Kaylee has a friend over, the two of them playing with Barbies. She makes a long, whiny noise when Jackson tries to pick her up for a goodbye kiss. She puts her little hand against his cheek and pushes him away. Jaebeom doesn’t know what to do as all the color drains from Jackson’s face. He has to be dragged out of the house.

“She’s five. She’s only five years old and I’m only twenty-three but she’s already embarrassed by me.”

“Jacks.”

“I thought that I’d always be the cool, young and hip dad, y’know?”

“Hip?”

“But she’s already rejecting my kisses in front of her friends.”

“Did you say _hip_?”

“Jaebeom,” Jackson spins around, eyes wide and hands grabbing at Jaebeom’s elbows. “What is she gonna be like when she’s a teenager?!”

“If you say that you’re a hip dad, then, by law, you’re an_ un_-hip dad.”

Jackson blinks, mouth in a pout and eyes brimming with disappointment. “She starts kindergarten in the fall.”

There’s no stopping this spiral and Jaebeom can’t help that he thinks it’s kind of funny.

“What if I can’t kiss her on her first day?” Jackson wheezes out with a wave of his hands. “All the moms and dads are gonna give their babies kisses but not Kaylee.”

“That’s months away.” Jaebeom checks the time on his phone, he really can’t let this go on too long. He reaches over for Jackson, taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. Now that he knows it’s okay, he brings Jackson close to plant a kiss on his forehead. Jackson makes a strangled noise. It seems to do the job of appeasing him.

“We gotta go.”

Jackson takes Jaebeom’s riding jacket and slips it on. Jaebeom’s heart does something. Jackson hops on the bike with familiarity now, locking his arms around Jaebeom’s waist, his grip staying loose and comfortable even as they take off.

**_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _**

It’s opening night for some Marvel movie, and while Mark makes not-so-subtle remarks about how good it looks, and how amazing the reviews were, it’s sold out. Youngjae pats his boyfriend’s back comfortingly, squeezing their hands together.

While Jackson gapes at the price of popcorn, “Has it always been this expensive?” but stands in line with Jaebeom anyway, Jaebeom takes it upon himself to slide his fingers between Jackson’s.

After he wipes his sweaty palms, of course. He’s such a nervous wreck. This isn’t typically him. He’s never had such a dumb crush before. He tries not to look at Jackson when he feels Jackson’s grip tighten, just a bit, tentatively holding his hand. It’s such an innocent gesture and in the grand scheme of things doesn’t mean much, even though it does, because anyone who sees their linked hands will know they’re together.

_Together_.

If he looks Jackson in the face he’s probably going to turn even redder. Especially with the way Mark and Youngjae are standing in the next line over, wiggling their eyebrows like children.

When his hand slips out of Jackson’s so he can pay for their order, pretending not to blink at how pricey snacks have gotten, Jackson’s arm slips around his waist and he hopes the cashier doesn’t notice how his hand trembles as she takes his card.

“Thank you,” He mumbles, and Jackson’s arm moves away from his waist to help him carry the snacks.

“Oh!” Youngjae and Mark are waiting for them by the ticket stand, and Youngjae’s immediately scanning Jackson’s armful of goodies. “I’ll share my Sour Patch Kids if you share your Gobstoppers!”

“I didn’t even see they had Sour Patch!” Jackson exclaims, trying to maneuver the candies so he can get a hold of the box of Gobstoppers. Mark watches on with an amused expression, but Jaebeom thinks they’re being ridiculous.

“Can you do that inside the theater?”

“Oh,” Youngjae bends over to pick up the box of Reese’s Jackson dropped. “Good idea.”

**_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _**

The theater isn’t very packed, and doesn’t fill up as the movie starts.

Halfway through, Jaebeom regrets the double date idea. Jackson and Youngjae know each other from attending classes together, from the library, and the night they all went drinking, but it’s only now that they decide to let their friendship bloom.

Thirty minutes into the movie and Mark moves from Youngjae’s side to Jaebeom’s. He rolls his eyes with so much frustration that Jaebeom bites his lip to hide a laugh. He’s feeling just as annoyed, though. Jackson hasn’t reached out to touch him not once, and instead of being curled towards Jaebeom, he and Youngjae are leaning over the armrest between them, chattering on about the movie.

“I’ve been dumped. I’m using you as rebound.” Mark says, lifting the armrest.

Jaebeom pulls Mark into his chest and stomps down feelings of jealousy when Jackson shares _their_ popcorn with Youngjae.

**_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _**

With both of Jackson’s hands clinging onto his leather jacket for dear life, Jaebeom can’t help but feel a little petty.

“So _now_ you want me?”

A flash of confusion sparks through Jackson’s terrified expression. “What?”

The ice skating rink plays an old Kesha song, and while some couples seem off-put by Youngjae’s singing, Mark looks entranced by an angel. Not that it’s a new expression, he always looks pretty smitten. Jaebeom kind of gets it, now. With Jackson.

“You were all over Youngjae in the theater.”

Jackson tugs a little harder on Jaebeom’s jacket, probably to bring them closer together since Jaebeom won’t extend his hand like Jackson wants. He’s struggling, feet sliding out in every direction that’s not where they should be going. The only reason Jackson moves at all is because he's holding to the hem of Jaebeom's leather jacket for dear life. Jaebeom's hands are freezing and he’d love to hold Jackson’s hand but he’s still upset.

“Really?” When Jaebeom doesn’t answer, Jackson mumbles, sounding surprised. “Really. So you are the jealous type.”

Jaebeom glances over his shoulder, eyebrows pushing together, not wanting to admit that now he’s curious. He kicks his left leg a little harder, propelling him and Jackson forward a little faster. Jackson makes a weird face and bends a little more at the waist, still being dragged along like a newborn fawn.

“The fuck does that mean?”

“It was Youngjae’s idea.”

Jaebeom thinks of the way Mark’s eyes spent more time watching his boyfriend talk to his best friend’s date, than the movie screen. He thinks of how Youngjae’s pupils blow when Mark gets grabby, or possessive, and, _oh_.

“It’s funny. I never pegged him as the type.” Jackson says, working on straightening his back as they round the corner of the rink.

“He’s a devil. Don’t let that smile fool you.” Jaebeom can’t believe that Youngjae talked Jackson into getting their dates _jealous_ on Jackson and Jaebeom's first date.

“It did fool me. I swear I really saw the devil horns grow out of his head and push that glowing halo away.” Jackson laughs, swatting at Jaebeom’s elbow. “Can I have your hand, now?”

“No. I’m still mad at you.”

Jackson swings a little harder. The sound his hand makes hitting leather sounds a lot worse than it feels. “C’mon, I gotta get this skating thing down so I can go take Youngjae away from Mark because Youngjae said something about rough sex when Mark’s jealous, and then anything after that I blocked out because I think I had a stroke at the thought.”

Jaebeom hates that he laughs. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope,” Jackson glances around, lowering his voice. Jaebeom does his best to not let his thoughts go anywhere. Not while they’re in public.

“What do you think will happen to you when I get jealous?”

His mind goes there anyway, apparently. He bites his tongue, chewing on the stud on his mouth.

Jaebeom allows himself one glance over his shoulder. Jackson’s face is full of…. nothing. It’s as blank as ice. Jaebeom thinks that means: internal panic.

And then Jackson nearly wheezes, coughs dryly. “What?”

“I wanted you to myself tonight.” It’s not a lie. Jaebeom assumed that a double date with friends would be a good ice breaker. He knows it’s new territory, thought that maybe it’d help Jackson; relieve the pressure of expectations. Jaebeom thought they could ease into this.

“You’re the one that suggested a double date!”

“I was hoping you’d feel more comfortable like this. But I was hoping, by the end of the night, you’d be mine.”

And lets the double entendre hang in the air.

Jackson’s red.

Jackson tugs on Jaebeom’s jacket, and they slow to a stop, Jaebeom’s hands cupping around Jackson’s elbows to steady him. He feels warm where Jackson’s chest bumps against his when his feet slide out, unable to get traction on the ice. He struggles for a moment more, eyes darting to the people gliding past, embarrassed. Jaebeom just focuses on Jackson, on the red tip of his nose, the sweet blush on his cheeks, the reddened tips of his ears. It’s chilly in the ice rink, Jaebeom should’ve brought a beanie for Jackson.

“What do you mean I’d feel more comfortable?” Jackson asks once his legs stop wobbling.

“You haven’t dated a lot of guys, right? I didn’t want you to put any type of pressure on you, or think I was expecting something from you.”

“What…” Jackson swallows, blinking. “What would you be expecting?”

He can’t be serious. Jaebeom lets his gaze drop down to Jackson’s lips, pink and pretty and puffy. The rosy pink of Jackson’s cheeks deepen, spreading over his nose and flushing down his neck. Jaebeom isn’t shy about his attraction, letting it come through his gaze. There are a lot of things he wants. He hopes Jackson gets at least an idea.

“Oh.” Jackson’s voice comes out strangled.

“You’re not the kiss-first-date type of guy. You said so yourself.”

“I’ve already kissed you like a hundred times though.” Right, the night he confessed. They hadn’t been able to get a full sentence out without dropping a kiss on each other’s forehead, lips, cheek, wherever. Jackson bites his lip, feet sliding on the ice as he tries to move back, create some distance. The chill sweeps in, blowing out some of the growing tension. “Sorry, that was, uh.”

“And I want to do it again. But.” Jaebeom goes to drop his hands to Jackson’s, but they’re in a vice grip around the hem of his jacket. He settles his hands on Jackson's hips. “No pressure, Jacks.”

Jackson opens his mouth, yelps and crashes forward when a child skates right into the back of his knees. Jaebeom barely catches both of them, his own feet nearly sliding out from underneath him.

“Okay, not the place for this type of conversation.”

They get off the rink and Jaebeom texts Mark that he and Jackson are leaving first. When they get in line to pay and get their things, Jackson’s still red. Jaebeom doesn’t know if it’s from the chill, or from whatever thoughts Jackson keeps to himself. Jaebeom reaches out, cups his hands around Jackson’s cold ears and leans in, pressing their noses together for warmth. If it hadn’t been totally obvious to everyone else that they’re together, it’s pretty clear now.

The lady at the rental counter clears her throat, biting back a smile as Jaebeom pays for the skates and Jackson clings to his other arm.

“Where do you want to go from here?”

Jackson shrugs, taking his sneakers. “I’m not sure? I’m just really glad we’re out.” Once his shoes are on and they’re out at Jaebeom’s bike, he leans over to place a quick, shy kiss to Jaebeom’s cheek. “I’m all yours tonight.”

Jaebeom knows Jackson doesn’t mean anything sexual by that, but he feels a drop in his stomach anyway. He curls his finger under Jackson’s chin before he moves too far away, tipping Jackson’s head just a little bit so he can press a lingering kiss to Jackson’s forehead.

“Do you know how to play pool?”

This time it’s Jackson that moves forward, arms wrapping around Jaebeom’s middle, chin hooking over his shoulder. Jaebeom melds into it, encasing Jackson’s smaller figure with his own.

After a moment or two, as Jaebeom relaxes into the hug, eyes slipping shut, Jackson mumbles a small, _no_.

It takes a second for it to connect, that it’s a response to his question.

“Let’s go play pool?”

Jackson nuzzles into Jaebeom’s neck.

He could stay here all night. Just like this.

Things feel lighter when they break away. Jaebeom drops another kiss to Jackson’s forehead then climbs on his bike.

**_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _**

The pool date goes well, it doesn’t take long for Jackson to stop blushing and start initiating contact. He relaxes, repeating game rules and jumping up and down when he hits a ball in the pocket. They start playing for kisses — Jackson’s idea, and Jaebeom doesn’t think he’s ever enjoyed just kissing someone. He opens his arms and envelops Jackson in a hug for every one.

Once their fourth round ends and Jackson lost every one, he slides himself between Jaebeom thighs, presses their lips together for a sweet kiss and asks,

“So are we, like, boyfriends, now?”

Jaebeom’s used to being the confident one in a relationship but Jackson’s…. more. More confident. Even when he manages to be self conscious about literally every other aspect of his life and personality. Jaebeom’s never been the one being asked, usually he does it, drops it at weird moments, does it to gauge a reaction, so he clams up and blushes nervously.

“I need to know if you’re serious.” Jackson says, locking their gazes. “Because I like you. I like you a lot, and I want to make this official. I don’t have time to play around with someone who doesn’t want similar things.”

Jaebeom interlaces his fingers with Jackson’s and doesn’t even try to stop his racing heart. He doesn’t know when was the last time he’d been so sure about something. “We want similar things, then.”

Jackson grins like he’d expected that answer.

Jaebeom laughs and leans in for a kiss.

**_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ **

A few weeks later during their regularly scheduled Thursday night, Jackson closes his bedroom door behind him after tucking Kaylee in, strides across his room with such a determined look that all Jaebeom can do is look on and wait for Jackson to pull him in and chose his lips and kiss him.

They’ve shared kisses. It’s been a month, barely, and while Jackson’s hands always hover, and while he sneaks kisses on Jaebeom’s cheek when he’s not paying attention — once at the gas station while Jaebeom pumped gas, with some elderly lady watching them from the pump over, and once at an ice cream parlor, when Kaylee wasn’t looking, of course — Jackson doesn’t take their kisses anywhere. Their touches are just touches for the sake of just being able to. Because they can. They can hold hands and they can reach out and push each other’s bangs away from their foreheads. And that’s enough for now. Because even though he seems so sure of everything else that’s sweet; hand-holding, cuddling while watching a movie, calling each other after work, Jaebeom knows that anything past that is on Jackson's wants.

For the first time ever, Jaebeom’s fine with how slow things move. His heart goes for a loop whenever he feels the brush of Jackson’s lips on his cheek. His fingers tingle when he glides a thumb over Jackson’s cheekbone. Just being able to hold Jackson like this settles his soul in a way he can’t explain. He likes being with Jackson while he explores what he likes, and it forces Jaebeom to pay attention to the day by day, but think a little more about tomorrow.

But this, in _this_ kiss, there’s no confidence. Jaebeom feels led, Jackson’s hands stopping on his waist, gripping his shirt then letting it go then gripping it again, trying to force something that doesn’t have to be forced.

Jaebeom pulls away, entirely, pulling his hands back and creating reasonable distance. “What are you doing?”

Jackson’s red. Not his normal, soft almost-pink flush, but an angry blush streaked across his face. “Uhm, kissing you?”

It takes a step to bring them close, Jaebeom’s arms looping around Jackson’s waist, Jaebeom’s pointer finger coming up to curl underneath Jackson’s chin and angle him up, just a bit, at just the right angle so he can press their lips together and kiss him.

There’s nothing to be forced because Jaebeom’s not expecting anything, which he thinks might be what Jackson’s trying to get at with the determined frustration from that initial kiss. Even when he leads Jackson to the bed, positioning him against the pillows, crawling over him to get between his legs, he’s not thinking of what he’s going to ‘get out’ of this. That’s not what this is. That’s not what —

“I’ve never gotten this far with another dude before.” Jackson says in a rush, that pink flush that Jaebeom loves so much darkening, looking shy against the grey sheets. Yeah, Jaebeom figured that’s what’s been going through his boyfriends head, misplacing his sense of confidence.

“We’re just kissing.” Jaebeom assures him, then leans in to do just that.

He coaxes Jackson to relax, moving softly, slowly, one arm hooked underneath Jackson, his hand pressed against Jackson’s waist. His other hand runs down the length of Jackson’s thigh, from hip to knee, and nowhere else. The kiss is languid, just presses of their lips, quiet and sweet. Jaebeom slots his lips so he can nibble on Jackson’s lower lip, drag the round stud of his piercing against Jackson’s lip, pleased by the subdued little whine that escapes Jackson’s mouth.

Jaebeom could stay like this for a while. And they do. Jackson’s hand in his hair; gently scraping the short hairs at his nape, Jackson’s other hand cupping his face, holding him in place, Jackson’s foot trailing up his calf, to the back of his knee and back down, pulling up the hem of his sweatpants more and more each time. Jackson’s bare toes travel up his exposed calf and all Jaebeom does is hum against Jackson’s lips, then part his mouth open.

Everything is gradual, and instinctual, and just a natural progression to the next thing. There’s no rush. Just. Jaebeom wondering how the hell he ever thought he and Jackson wouldn’t work out when just kisses are enough to make him the happiest, most content man in the world.

With tongue, their kisses get a little louder, still muffled, though, in Jackson’s bed.

Jaebeom brings his hand from Jackson’s hip to his face, cupping around the side of his head to glide his thumb over the shape of his temple. His arm against the mattress gives him leverage, too, so he’s not crushing Jackson with his weight.

Just as he moves, just as he kisses the corner of Jackson’s lips, he pulls away for a second to look down at Jackson and take him in; his beautiful blush, the shape of the slope of his jawline, just as Jaebeom wonders if his eyes are as dark as Jackson’s, as he mumbles “You’re so handsome, Jackson-ah,” and Jackson’s Adam’s apple bobs with a swallow, as Jaebeom moves his mouth to press against Jackson’s neck, as Jackson lets out a fluttery sigh, a door slams the fuck shut somewhere.

It’s muted and on the other side the closed bedroom door, but it’s enough that Jaebeom jumps and Jackson shoves a little too hard.

Jaebeom flops sideways on the bed, closing his eyes and trying to rearrange his sanity.

“It… was probably my dad going to brush his teeth, or something.” Jackson checks the time on his phone, grabbing it from where it’d been resting not too far from them. “Fuck. It’s getting kinda late. It’s past eleven already.”

Jaebeom’s still lying uselessly against the sheets, though, “Okay,” trying to yank himself back down to Earth. “Should I leave?”

“Uh, fuck, I don’t want you to. I _so_ don’t want you to, and as much as my parents love you, I think they’d freak out if you were still here in the morning.”

“Walk me out?”

Jackson smiles, still dazed and floaty. “Yeah.”

They steal a few more kisses outside near the bike. Jackson smiles and pulls Jaebeom in for a tight hug, holding on like he doesn’t want him to go. Jaebeom holds on just as tightly.

“When are you free so I can take you out?”

“I’ll ask my parents when they can watch Kaylee again, or maybe I’ll get Jinyoung to watch her.”

“You know you don’t have to do that.”

“And it, God, dude.” Jackson groans and throws his head back. “It means so fuckin’ much to me that you don’t mind her being there but I also, y’know, wanna just be with you. I get out at noon on Thursday. You said you don’t work, right?”

“Thursday is Mark and Youngjae’s date night. Why don’t we stay in at my place and watch a movie? If you can’t get a babysitter, then we’ll watch Monsters Inc.”

Jackson sighs deeply, then leans in for a kiss. “You’re a literal angel. Text me when you get home.”

**_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _**

The next night, when Bambam’s over for tacos and beer, Jaebeom fills his friends in on tomorrow’s plans. This way they know Kaylee might be running around the apartment in case Mark and Youngjae decide to stay in, for some reason.

Bambam quirks an eyebrow, picks up a neon pink pillow from the couch, and chucks it at Jaebeom. “Smell it.”

For a few years, Jaebeom and Mark’s apartment had been pretty boring; muted colors, university mugs, all-white dishware sets, and even blander bedding. Youngjae transformed the apartment; buying tie-dye blankets and ugly pillow covers that didn’t match but worked and gave their living room some life. About a year ago, Bambam’s aunt’s tattoo parlor went through a renovation, and all the lamps and weird wall-art had been a donation from him.

Nothing matches. But it’s got personality. There’s even a photo of the four of them hanging up on the wall in the kitchen. They’re at a bar, totally wasted, Bambam was underaged in the photo but the bartender hadn’t carded him so whatever, and it’s really an ugly photo; Mark’s face is blurred because he’s mid movement and Bambam’s falling off his stool, knocking Youngjae’s drink, and Jaebeom is mid-stank face and looks like the Grim Reaper ready to claim them all. They’d used a selfie stick to take it.

Jaebeom had hated it, for a long time, but Mark’s mom stands in the kitchen every time she comes over and says that it looks exactly like them.

Jaebeom looks from the pillow to Bambam.

“Smell it.” He insists. Curious, from the loveseat pushed against the wall, Mark takes one of the Marvel themed pillows and buries his face in it to inhale. He whips his face away and, “Oh, shit.”

Jaebeom brings the pillow to his nose and smells pot, a lot of it, like if he buried his face in the pillow he’d get high just from the smell of it clinging to the fabric.

It’s not weird. They smoke in the house, so what? That’s why they have every summer-themed Yankee Candle scent lining the top of the entertainment center, to help muffle the smell when people come over.

And then it hits him: Kaylee. Coming over. Tomorrow.

“You gonna let a five year old sit on this couch?” Bambam asks. “Do you even own Febreeze?”

“Even better!” Youngjae launches himself from the couch and Mark topples over. He runs to the closet and pulls out a bucket of cleaning supplies. “We’ve got Target brand disinfectant!”

With the four of them scrubbing down the apartment, it still takes all evening.

**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Jackson shows up around one, and Kaylee ricochets into the apartment with both her hands in the air once the door opens wide enough for her to squeeze through. Jaebeom doesn’t get the kiss he moves in for because Jackson bolts in after her, “Shoes! Pumpkin, take off your shoes!”

The floor is the most spotless it’s ever been, but Jaebeom doesn’t totally care if she gets it dirty.

“She wanted hot chocolate for lunch and I know that sugar-rushes are a myth — pumpkin, please,” Jackson wrangles Kaylee’s sneaker off her foot in the middle of the living room. “But she’s got a sugar-rush and I think my mom let her eat Frosted Flakes for breakfast. And, Kay. _Kay_, listen to me,” He has one shoe in his hand, but Kaylee’s too curious and too hyped up to stay still long enough for her dad to take off her other shoe. “Oh, my God, _Kaylee_.”

Once she’s in her socks, she throws herself into the couch. All the smells of pot, spilled alcohol and pizza grease have been washed out. Bambam went and rented some heavy-duty carpet cleaner and scrubbed the thing until the dirty-brown water came up mostly clear. Now the couch smells of spring blossom, or some shit.

Jackson turns around, already looking exhausted. “I’ve been up since four. Some customer came in to tell me, bright and early at six, before the sun was even up, that the custard in his donut tasted off, and then threatened to close the whole place down. I spent twenty minutes trying to shut him the fuck up, offered to replace his donut and give him a free one every morning for a week, and then I went to the back and grabbed a replacement from the same fuckin batch and he said it tasted better.”

Jaebeom crosses his arms over his chest, laughing at how Kaylee’s delighted screams sound ironic as the background to Jackson’s increasing despair.

“I should’ve jacked off in the custard and then given him the donut.”

And now Jaebeom’s laughing, loud and full. He moves closer to Jackson to take the small shoes from his hand, and leans in for a kiss. Jackson takes a step back, though.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but I haven’t…” He looks over to Kaylee, who found a collection of magazines under the coffee table. There’s nothing bad under there, Jaebeom doesn’t worry about her leafing through the glossy pages.

“That’s fine.”

“I don’t know how to tell her.”

Jaebeom takes Jackson’s hand and brings it to his lips. Kaylee’s flipping through a magazine, too busy to notice. Jackson’s gaze falls to inexplicably fond at the gesture.

“I want to tell her, I’m sorry.” He says quietly, fingers squeezing Jaebeom’s. “But I don’t know how. And I don’t know when it’s right. And I don’t want to put any unnecessary pressure on you, because even though I think she gets it? Like she knows the terms ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’, and recently some Disney show she likes had a character come out as gay so I got to sit and explain it to her, and she gets that Ruby and Sapphire are two girls in love, I just… don’t know how to handle this?”

Jaebeom has no idea who these characters are. “Well, whenever you think you’re ready, I’ll be right next to you.”

Jackson’s grins softens, but the meaning behind it deepens. “Thank you. I really wanted to be with just you, today, but Jinyoung and Yugyeom have class and my dad works and my mom was —”

“I’m not mad she’s here.” Jaebeom says, just as Kaylee comes barreling across the room, knocking into his legs. She holds the magazine up pointing to an ad for a necklace. He lifts her up, and she’s babbling. This is definitely a sugar high, no matter what her dad says about myths.

“Hey, Kay,” Jaebeom prompts, bringing her to the sofa. “Who are Sapphire and Crystal?”

“Ruby.” Jackson corrects.

“Ruby and Crystal.”

Jackson’s exhausted, “No— ” sounds like he’s given up.

Kaylee looks like she’s about to burst, eyes wide and lips pulled into a beatific smile, and climbs into his lap so she’s kneeling in his lap, facing him, and he gets a recap of the whole show, complete with hand flails and, and, and, “Ruby and Sapphire _love_ each other.” Kaylee’s eyes are alit. “And, _and_, they’re two girls.” She shoves two fingers in Jaebeom’s face. “Like, it’s like… you and daddy.”

Jackson chokes at Jaebeom’s side but Jaebeom just grins. She’s smart and perceptive and he’s not at all surprised.

“My daddy is a gem!” She puts her hands on Jaebeom’s cheeks, squishes, and god, Jaebeom’s heart swoons. “You’re a gem, Jaebeom-oppa.”

It just feel natural to lean in and plant an exaggerated kiss on her forehead. Kaylee squeals, wrapping her arms around Jaebeom’s neck.

“You’re _my_ little gem.” Jaebeom stands, Kaylee screaming with glee and clinging to him as he bounces her up and down, while she tries to place kisses on his face.

Too preoccupied with her, Jaebeom misses the way Jackson watches the scene, teary-eyed.

**\- - - - - - - - - -**

When her sugar rush dies down and she crashes, Jaebeom tucks her into the freshly bought and washed striped sheets of his bed.

“She must be really tired.” He says, plopping down next to Jackson on the couch, the TV paused over Sully trying to hide Boo in a costume. “She didn’t make it halfway through the movie.”

“She’s not gonna sleep tonight.” Jackson groans, pressing his cheek into Jaebeom’s arm. “My mom let her sleep until eight this morning, so she slept like nine hours last night, had way too much sugar, wreaked havoc through your apartment, and crashed.” He stares at the open containers of take out on the coffee table. “She ate… so… much…”

“We can do something tonight.” Jaebeom offers, pulling out his phone. “It’s the summer, there are plenty of fairs ‘n shit happening.”

He scrolls through hashtags on Instagram to see what’s happening in the area, twisting his phone so Jackson can see the posts of people eating candy on a pier, or a shot of a boyfriend trying to win his girlfriend a teddy bear for ring toss.

“We could do this one, it’s walkable from here.”

“I didn’t know you had an IG.” Jackson mumbles into his shoulder.

Jaebeom just nods and shares his handle. He almost forgot that he’s seen Jackson’s but hadn’t followed him because he was too embarrassed by Jackson’s sentimental posts. Jaebeom doesn’t update much, either, following a pretty strict aesthetic that’s won him a fair share of followers outside of friends, family and acquaintances. It’s all pretty basic; blurry shots of him from weird angles, shots from behind that Mark took for him, his face half hidden. There’s a shot of Bambam leaned over him during his last tattoo session, taken from a low angle so Bambam’s gloved hand obscures his face. He’s tagged, though.

“You’re handsome.” Jackson’s already followed him and been followed back. “Why do you cover your face?” He scrolls through Jaebeom’s posts, pulling a post from four months ago. Jaebeom’s reading Dracula, with a bucket hat covering his eyes and the book covering his mouth, just his nose showing. It looks taken in the corner of the library, dim and shadowy.

“Dunno.” Jaebeom looks through Jackson’s totally opposite aesthetic feed. There have been a few updates since those sequential posts of him. Jackson has pictures of Kaylee in the sunlight, Kaylee getting too close to the camera, a photo of his friends, one of a graduation stage with a long caption congratulating Yugyeom on his bachelors in Marketing, another congratulating Jinyoung on just being the bestest best friend around. The post is cute, a blurry shot of them outside somewhere, pressing their ice creams together as if they were clinking glasses. Jaebeom’s surprised Jinyoung hasn’t shoved that post in his face yet.

Jackson’s most recent post is of the sunflower from their first date, looking a little healthier sitting on the windowsill in the sunlight. It’s petals are still crushed but it’s facing upwards, alive again. The caption says, _to & from: my sunshine._

Jaebeom’s heart stutters and Jackson swallows thickly. He can see what Jaebeom looks at. It was posted only a week ago.

“It’s really still living?”

“Yeah. My mom says it’s a miracle it’s lasted this long.”

Jaebeom locks his phone and pulls it down. His heart twists, the meaning of the last caption underneath the photo just sets off a fire in his chest. He turns his body and leans in to kiss Jackson, fully.

His breath is gone the moment their lips touch, the fire in him only flaring more when Jackson kisses back, matching the heat. It takes off from there; hands come up his face and Jaebeom moves in for open-mouth kisses, wet, uncoordinated, rolling the ball of his piercing into Jackson’s tongue so he moans. The sudden rush and fever pumps through his veins, burning under his skin. He lowers Jackson on his back, head on top of that stupid pink pillow, and dips down to taste the coolness of Jackson’s skin and warm it up with his mouth, running his tongue over Jackson’s Adam’s apple, applying the tiniest bit of pressure with the stud. Jackson's breath comes out in a lost moan when Jaebeom nips at the junction underneath his jaw and earlobe and Jaebeom licks again, bites again, and holds Jackson in place with one hand in his brunet hair.

The hands around his shoulders slide down the length of his torso, one of Jackson’s thumbs grazing over his nipple. He groans into Jackson’s skin and Jackson totally stills for a second, biting back a moan when Jaebeom continues down his neck, nudging against his jawline to get him to tip his face back, gaining better access to the underside of his jaw, looking to taste and please.

When Jackson’s hands slip under Jaebeom’s shirt, Jaebeom wants to urge him on, tell him he’s doing well, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t know how comfortable Jackson is with this; with being with another man, and has no plans on taking it any faster than whatever pace gets set. He imagines Jackson would like dirty talk and praise, since he glows with any other type of praise, since Jinyoung had put the thought in his brain, but, again, doesn’t push it. He’s happy like this, licking up and down Jackson’s neck, touching his torso and teasing by slipping just a few fingers under Jackson’s shirt, flirting his nail and touches against Jackson’s happy trail.

He urges more sounds from Jackson’s lips; soft whimpers, muted moans, and moves to bring their lips back together, long and much more lewd, much less shame.

Jackson tugs on Jaebeom’s shirt. Then tugs again, because Jaebeom makes no moves until he’s sure Jackson’s ready, and pulls away to get his shirt off. Jackson follows suit, and Jaebeom waits, sitting back over Jackson’s thighs to let Jackson take it in; to take in the visual of Jaebeom over him, shirtless, jeans tightening in the front where he’s getting hard.

That’s where Jackson’s gaze falls, trails down Jaebeom’s chest and then stops at his crotch. His hands fall over Jaebeom’s hips, fingers spread and grip a little too rough and Jaebeom wants to roll his hips into it but he doesn’t. He waits. He can’t help it, though, when he has to unbutton and unzip his pants and reach in to fix himself. It’d been getting too uncomfortable.

Jackson clears his throat, fidgeting. So Jaebeom, very slowly, with all the patience he didn't' realize he had, drops one hand to fit around Jackson’s waist, the other going down to his zipper. Jackson’s jaw clenches, straining, and his nostrils flare when Jaebeom undoes the button of his jeans. He swallows as Jaebeom gets a hand in his jeans, through his boxers, and wraps around him. He’s hot and thick in Jaebeom’s grip, and the touch brings another pulse to Jackson’s dick, hardening in Jaebeom’s palm.

“Let me know if it’s okay.”

“Yes,” Jackson breathes in a rush, like it’s his first time breathing all day. “Yeah, this is — yep. This is great.”

He strokes him a few times at an awkward angle, the jeans and their position hindering much more movement, so Jaebeom pulls his hand out and hooks his thumbs on Jackson’s jeans.

“Babe,” He says, and Jackson’s eyes flutter and darken. Noted. “Can I?”

Jackson nods and lifts his hips. Jaebeom doesn’t take his jeans all the way off, just around his knees, and he does the same with his own, groaning when his cock isn’t trapped anymore.

This is. Awkward.

He’s vaguely aware that they need to be pretty quick about this, though he doesn’t want to be quick, but Kaylee sleeps in the other room.

Jaebeom leans forward, shifting his weight, legs pulling at his jeans. Fuck, he didn’t plan on getting this far. But Jackson’s eyeing him unabashedly, all eager gazes and sharp breaths and Jackson’s cock is so pretty, flushed and curved and leaking over his belly. Jaebeom aligns their hips and pushes together as he falls forward, covering Jackson, falling into his neck and kissing against his pulse.

Jackson groans, much louder, shifting and thrusting his hips upwards.

“Can you — please?” He whispers, and Jaebeom finds a more comfortable position for his arm and uses his free hand to wrap around their cocks. Jackson makes a guttural noise but tries to choke it down.

There’s much less tenderness, now. Jackson wraps both his arms around Jaebeom’s neck and their mouths and teeth clatter, mostly messy tongue. Their hips stutter as Jaebeom jerks them off, smearing a mix of their precome, swiping a thumb over both their heads, pleasure jolting down his spine. He does mostly what he knows works for him; the pressure of his hands, the slickness, the grip, but Jackson’s not complaining. He tries for a stilted roll of his hips, then other, and his arms tighten around Jaebeom, trapping him.

“Yes,” Jackson rambles. “Yes, yes, yes. God, Jae — I’m… close.”

Jaebeom quiets him with a hard kiss, swallowing his moans and Jackson’s, and muffling a warning. Jackson comes, dick throbbing in Jaebeom's hold, against his own, and it’s wetter and stickier and Jaebeom follows, squeezing his eyes shut as ecstasy washes through him.

As much as he wants to lie there and cuddle, he gets up on jelly legs and tucks himself into his pants, wincing at the gross sensation. He grabs a clean hand towel from the bathroom and wipes Jackson down. Jackson hasn’t moved, lying on the couch with his chest heaving, an arm over his face.

“Jacks,” His heart tumbles, “Babe?” and does a cartwheel. Jackson lifts his arm and peers over at Jaebeom. “We should clean up, and get going.”

Jackson gets up with a sigh and Jaebeom turns to give him a little privacy.

The street fair closes in a few hours, and they need to get going soon if they want to give Kaylee a place to burn off all the energy she’s going to have. Jaebeom makes sure everything is clean while Jackson wakes his daughter up. He comes out of the bedroom with her draped over his shoulder, one of her pigtails free from the hair tie.

“We lost a scrunchie in your bed.” Jackson says, plopping Kaylee down on the sofa. He kneels in front of her, pulling off her socks as she rubs at her face. She’s still dopey from her nap, sitting quietly while Jackson gets her sandals back on her feet and uses his fingers to comb through her hair. He pulls her hair into a ponytail, telling her about the plans for the evening but she’s still pretty tired, blinking up at her dad, looking totally unamused by his excitement.

“Is Jaebeom-oppa coming with us?”

At the sound of his name, Jaebeom moves from the kitchen counter. He’d been leaning against it, trying to sear the father/daughter scene from his living room into his brain.

“I am.” He sits on the couch next to her, biting back a grin as Kaylee wraps both her arms around his, pressing her cheek against the owl tattooed there.

**\- - - - - - - - - -**

They walk to the street fair, Kaylee between them the whole time, each of her hands in one of theirs. Sometimes she tries to run towards stands or people or dogs that excite her, or Jackson and Jaebeom swing her between them and she laughs, kicking her feet into the air.

Because the walking isn’t enough to get Kaylee tired and it’s still pretty early, and Jackson and Jaebeom are looking for an excuse to spend more time together, they hop into Jackson’s car and head downtown. At this time in the evening there’s not much to do for Kaylee, since it’s the weird hour between dinner and younger crowds gearing up for a night out, so Jaebeom buys them Shake Shack to share and they sit on outdoor seating and take turns feeding Kaylee fries while she plays with a pinwheel they bought at the street fair. Jaebeom blows on it to get it to spin every time she holds it for him. Every. Single. Time.

“Hey, Jaebeom?”

He’s too busy trying to wipe ketchup from Kaylee’s face. She keeps swatting at him. “Hm?”

“Now that it’s summer, and I have Sundays and Thursdays off… and I’ve been taking Kaylee places…”

Jaebeom sets the dirty napkin aside, only for Kaylee to rub her greasy hand over her nose and smear grease over her face. Jaebeom stares at her, now understands why Jackson has a pack of hand wipes in the car at all times.

But after Jackson’s silence runs too long, Jaebeom turns to him, reaching out to hold his hand over the table.

“What’s up?”

Jackson smiles at him, squeezing their hands. “You already spend time with us at the park, but I was wondering... Do you want to go to the aquarium with us? On Sunday?”

He hasn’t been to an aquarium since middle school. “Yeah, I do.” But he wants to go and press his face against a tank of jellyfish with Kaylee, go and hype Kaylee up until she gathers the courage to stick to her hand in the fish petting tank, go and buy matching shirts and kiss Jackson under the serene lighting of one of the tanks, exotic fish dancing up over their heads.

They do all that, and share fish-shaped chicken nuggets and lemonade in the afternoon.

**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Summertime wrap-up means barbeques and fruit salads at the Wang household, apparently. The sun shines from high in the sky when Jaebeom gets out of work and gets to Jackson’s home. And even though Jackson isn’t home, Sophia and Ricky are, and Jaebeom’s built a relationship with them where he walks in and greets them and sits with them in the kitchen, or the living room, and talks to them like they’re family.

The only other people he can do this with are the Tuan’s. And even then, he only goes over when accompanied by Mark.

Whatever this is, whatever it is he’s doing with Jackson’s parents, isn’t a part of his regular relationship routine and he knows it means something more important and monumental than anything he’s experienced before.

Instead of shoving negative feelings and what if's, he embraces the moment. Accepts Sophia and Ricky and their company. He even enjoys it, without thinking of it. Jaebeom mans the grill while Ricky sets the table and Sophia pulls together a macaroni salad. It’s her favorite American dish.

Jackson and Kaylee’s arrival home is announced with Kaylee running through the apartment with high pitched, screaming, which is very a la Kaylee, and Jackson running after her, yelling, “Your shoes!”

With her feet successfully slippered up, Kaylee comes bounding through the back door and koala-wraps herself around Jaebeom’s leg, giggling and making gagging noises when Jackson leans over to give Jaebeom a sweet peck. His mother his only a few feet away, standing at the glass-top table, fixing an umbrella to shield the sun.

“She learned that from Yugyeom.” Jackson rolls his eyes as his daughter makes another gross retching sound. “We were watching Tangled and Yugyeom made that noise when Eugene and Rapunzel kissed and now she does it all the time.”

Jaebeom grins and leans in for another quick peck. He could never do this in front of his own parents, or family, and would’ve never considered even introducing Jackson to his family, but here, in Jackson’s home where it’s loving and open and mature, he knows that it’s okay. He knows that he’s okay.

The last time he felt the need to hide himself away from the world was high school, when Mark got teased and harassed by the football team, when he tried out for the school play of Hamlet and the team threw fruits on stage during opening night. Mark never received an apology from the school.

The last time he felt the need to hide himself away was when Bambam tried out for track, and the track boys made his life living hell, making him run laps and do bleachers until he threw up on the field.

His close friends knew, a handful of students knew, just enough for rumors to spread and for someone to say that he’d sucked their chemistry teacher off for his passing A grade, just enough for the rumors to spread to his parents and for Jaebeom to deny it. Even though their chemistry teacher was young and cute and honestly? Jaebeom would’ve done it. But the rumors remained just rumors. Mark and Bambam said they understood why he denied the 'gay' part of the rumors.

It wasn’t until college, until his very first boyfriend, that Jaebeom came out. He became less shy about his jokes, less shy about his attractions, and Sam dumped him for reasons Jaebeom’s still unsure of.

Kaylee stays outside with her grandparents while Jaebeom goes with Jackson up to his room. There’s no ulterior motive here — it’s not like Jaebeom would pull something while Jackson’s parents are awake, but he doesn’t stop himself when he moves to wrap both arm around Jackson and pull him in for a kiss, and then another, and then just one more.

Jackson grins and holds Jaebeom against him, stealing more and more sweet kisses. “I like how touchy you are. It’s cute.”

“I like how much more confident you are.” Jaebeom says, gliding his lips down to Jackson’s jawline. “The first night I kissed you, you were nervous.”

“I guess it helped that you were kind of nervous, too. Like, for the longest time I thought you didn’t give two shits about me, but then you started helping me out by taking Kaylee during your work hours, and you started quizzing me to help me with studying. And then you were super composed when I confessed to you, but then you got all flustered when I asked you to be my boyfriend and I realized that you were nervous, too.”

“Nervous?” He’s totally right, though. “Me?”

Jackson just rolls his eyes and leans back to detach Jaebeom’s lips from his neck. He gives Jaebeom an amused, smug expression, then leans in for a kiss. A long, rougher one, with gated passion but still a whole lot of other feeling that makes Jaebeom’s heart flutter.

Yeah, he’s nervous, too. Nervous to fuck this up, because Jackson’s one of the best things —

“Oh, shit.”

Jaebeom stumbles back not because he moves voluntarily, but because Jackson’s hands shove.

“Jinyoung!” Jackson’s voice cracks. “Yugyeom?” And third head pops over the other two boys’ shoulders. “Bambam?”

The three friends stand in the doorway looking on with…. Jaebeom’s not sure. He ignores the way Bambam finger guns at them, because the playfulness doesn’t match the other two’s expressions. Jaebeom reaches for Jackson’s waist, meaning to just bring him a step closer, nothing more, because he likes the proximity of his boyfriend, and he’s got nothing to hide.

But. Jackson takes a step back, panic reading across his expression and he breathes in, doesn’t breathe out for a second and, oh.

They don’t know.

Jaebeom looks back to Jinyoung. They’d seen each other two days ago, he has a book in his bag that he’s yet to finish so he and Jinyoung can have their weekly meet-up to discuss it. This whole time, after nearly four months of dating Jackson, after a whole summer, Jaebeom really thought that Jinyoung knew. He really thought that Jinyoung knew he was meeting up with his best friend’s boyfriend. This shouldn't be news; why else would Jinyoung have stopped pushing the issue? He's already given Jaebeom the 'hurt him and I'll hurt you' talk. Jaebeom figured that Jinyoung knew.

“This is, uh.” Jinyoung puts his hand on the door jam, clearing his throat. He tries to keep his gaze steady but it keeps flickering between the boyfriends. “Your dad wanted me to tell you guys everything’s ready.”

Yugyeom stares at Jaebeom but doesn’t say anything. He gives a curt nod, He heads out first, going down the stairs at an impressive speed. Jinyoung follows suit, a little slower, with a weird glance over his shoulder before he disappears down the stairwell.

For a split second Jaebeom’s gaze locks with Bambam’s. Bambam knows of this, he’s pretty up to date with Jaebeom and Jackson’s relationship, and taken aback by the reactions of Jackson’s friends. His eyes fill with surprise, all the teasing from two seconds ago, gone.

He gestures over his shoulder, glancing between the boyfriends. “I’ll, uh. Damage control?” And rushes down the stairs.

“You didn’t tell them.” Jaebeom means every ounce of accusation that coats his words. “You didn’t tell your best friends that we’re dating.”

It’s sunny and beautiful and Jackson’s classes start in two weeks, so this high they get from spending almost every day together, this comfort they get in just being, is about to be interrupted. Jaebeom can’t help the way smoke hisses out of his ears.

Jackson looks like a caged animal, frightened. “I’m sorry. I’m. Jaebeom, Jaebeom, I’m — don’t go.”

“Are you embarrassed?”

“No, it’s not —”

“Are you embarrassed by me? By us?”

“No! No,”

“Why wouldn’t you tell them?”

“I-I… I don’t…” Jackson holds his hands to his chest. “You make me really happy, but I guess I just? I didn’t know? How to come out? Like they’re my best friends and I’m scared of how they’re gonna react.”

Jaebeom loosens up, settling down. “You think they’d stop being your friend because you’re bi?”

“I guess? I guess… I was afraid. I’ve never… come out to anyone. My parents just sorta, figured it out.”

Jaebeom remembers Jackson telling him that his parents just asked one day, if he had a crush on Jaebeom. “Jackson, if they stop loving you because you’re into men, they’re not your friends.” He says, keeping his tone even. He can’t be too mad. He can’t. He waited several years to come out.

Besides, “Jackson…. Jinyoung knows that I like you.”

Them being a couples means that they’re supposed to work on these things, Jaebeom reminds himself. Them being two men means that even more.

Jackson breathes in, hard. “He what?”

With all his thoughts and emotions jumbled, Jaebeom tries to sort what’s important. They need to handle the situation downstairs. That’s what’s important.

“Let’s go downstairs, before your family comes looking for us.”

The weather's already muggy, hot and humid, and the new tension between the friends adds on a whole other stifling pressure.

Jaebeom sits right between Jinyoung and Jackson, turning away from the manner in which Yugyeom stiffens, emitting waves of uncertainty. Jaebeom shifts his gaze to Bambam. He wants to ask why he's there, push for more information on Bambam and Yugyeom's suspiciously blossoming friendship, but if Yugyeom is going to act so awkward at the sight of Jackson and Jaebeom kissing, then, maybe things aren't going to work out for the best.

Jaebeom needs to handle these situations one at a time, though. The rest of the group shuffles around the table and the grill, stacking their plates with food.

_Please_, Jaebeom begs whatever god he stopped believing in, looking for one last sign, _I like Jinyoung. Please don’t make this awkward. Please don’t make me break his or Yugyeom’s nose during this peaceful family lunch._

The air is stifled, but not as heavy as the afternoon mugginess, and Jaebeom runs the ball of his tongue piercing along his teeth, the noise bouncing off the glass table top.

"So, Jackson." Jinyoung sets his things down right next to Jaebeom, who's balancing Kaylee while Jackson makes their plates. "Last week when I asked about Jaebum and you got all sweaty…. I understand what your panic was about."

Jackson fumbles by the grill, clattering two plates together.

Bambam stops lathering his burger in ketchup and mustard and looks up, sending a quick, sharp look over to Jaebeom.

"I didn't panic." Jackson sounds like he's… panicking.

"So now that that's all out in the open, I'd like to make it very clear that whatevers happening here, I played a very huge part." Jinyoung leans back in his seat, a huge, smug grin slipping onto his face.

"They're boyfriends. Officially." Bambam supplies, shoving bread in his mouth. Jaebeom wants to shove him and tell him that adding fuel to the fire is not damage control.

"When did that happen?" Yugyeom's eyes are wide, his food untouched and forgotten. Jaebeom reads the expression now; excitement. “Why didn’t you tell us? You knew we were rooting for you guys.”

"Uh," the plates clatter noisily against the table as Jackson sets them down, pushing Kaylee's plate to her, and Jaebeom’s to him. "Yeah? Surprise?"

"Okay, but," Jaebeom swivels to face Jinyoung, who's still looking smug. "What do you mean you played a part in this?"

"I knew you were gay from day one, remember?" Jinyoung's eyes twinkle. He's always up to something. "When you _hit_ on me."

"He did what now?" Jackson spits, hands flying out to tap on Jaebeom’s shoulder. "You did _what_?"

Jaebeom glances over his shoulder. "I just… didn't think there was a chance with you…? Jinyoung's hot?"

"Thank you, hyung."

The cogs in Jackson's brain work overtime. "At Kaylee's birthday party?!"

"Oof," Bambam hides behind his glass.

Jaebeom wants to say his player days are over. Except that's clichê. And also the truth. He'd never touch Jinyoung.

"You're making it sound like Jinyoung-hyung was second pick." Yugyeom says, and from his side, Bambam splutters all over his food and honks out an ugly laugh.

Jackson mumbles, "I'm gonna pretend that didn't make me feel better."

While Jinyoung's expression turns sour, "Fuck you."

Jaebeom waves his hand in the air, still focused on one thing. "You never answered my question. Why do you think you played a part in us getting together?"

"Once I figured out you were into Jackson, and once Jackson started making vague comments about his sexuality, I pushed the thought of you two being together into Jackson's head."

Jackson makes a funny, surprised sound.

"Why would you do that?" Jaebeom leans over, surprised by the news, replying all the times Jinyoung had mentioned a him and Jackson. The time Jinyoung threatened him and told him Jackson likes to be praised. What a fucking weasel.

"You guys really liked each other and just kept… hovering. But it didn't seem like either of you were going to make a move."

"I can't believe you." Jackson mumbles, then points an accusing finger at Jaebeom, "I can't believe _you_, either, using a five year olds birthday party to pick up dudes."

Jaebeom throws his hands up as a surrender.

"Jinyoung was the one that told me you think I’m straight." Jackson says, piecing things together.

"The way you talked about him was super obvious. And the way you clung to Jaebeom-hyung like a leech after your graduation celebration was super obvious." Jinyoung provides, while Yugyeom makes a face and says, “You thought Jackson was straight? When he hung off you the way he did?”

Jackson turns red. "Yugyeom... you knew I wasn't straight?"

Yugyeom makes a face. "_Duh_."

"Neither of you seemed to realize how stupidly fond you are of each other." Jinyoung continues to throw jabs.

"You guys were obvious." Bambam adds, nodding at Jinyoung. "It was kind of gross and sappy. Jaebeom doesn't do gross and sappy, but here we are, bleeding out in front of my salad."

Jaebeom sticks his tongue out.

Sophia and Ricky save his ass from more teasing when they come outside to eat. Their presence at the table changes the mood, makes it lighter.

Half-way through Kaylee's lunch she gets up and runs inside the house, her dad calling after her. She comes back out only a few moments later, just as Jackson pushes his chair back to stand and go get her.

“What are you doing, pumpkin?” Jackson eyes the plastic container in her hands. She puts it on the table next to Jaebeom and climbs in his lap.

“Jaebeom-oppa, look at my hair stuff!”

The box contains a whole slew of hair elastics — scrunchies to hairbands to hair clips. Jaebeom can already guess what comes next. He eyes the butterfly clip and resigns to fate as Kaylee twists in his arms, standing on his legs to get a better angle to reach up, snag a lock of his hair and clip it back.

“Am I pretty?” He asks, hands hovering around her small body, always ready incase she loses her balance.

“Yeah!” She puts too much trust in him, twisting around to lean over the table dangerously, grabbing another clip from the container. A bow clip goes right next to the butterfly. And then another bow clip.

“This is so much funnier when it’s not on me.” Jackson laughs, leaning against the table watching the exchange.

Jaebeom sticks his tongue out, but focuses when Kaylee looks at him with her face scrunched up in concentration, weidling a velvet scrunchie like a weapon. She removes all the bows from Jaebeom’s hair, laughter sweeping around the table.

The top layer of his hair is just long enough to pull into a ponytail on the very top his head. It satisfies Kaylee. And even though there isn’t much length to the rest of his hair, it’s just long enough for Kaylee to get a few bow clips in there.

“This reminds me of those kids from high school, with the racoon-tail hair and crazy eyeliner.” Yugyeom looks more relaxed now, smiling at Jaebeom and Kaylee.

“It’s funny because Jaebeom wore eyeliner in high school.”

Jaebeom whips his head to the side, staring at his boyfriend. “Who showed you those photos?” And _when_.

“Mark.” Jackson grins, totally evil. “We've been texting.”

“Daddy!” Kaylee claps her hands, then puts them on Jaebeom’s face. “Isn’t Jaebeom-oppa pretty?”

“Super pretty.”

Kaylee leans in for a kiss, planting a wet one on Jaebeom’s cheek. Her round eyes shift over to her dad, who doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get the expectant look and neither does Jaebeom, for a second. But she’s really a perceptive child, and honestly, Jaebeom’s not surprised. Kaylee climbs off his lap as Jackson leans over, pressing a kiss to the corner of Jaebeom’s lips. Kaylee’s happy screams make a pretty adorable backdrop.

Before Jaebeom can look over to see everyone’s expression, Kaylee climbs into her next victim’s lap: Jinyoung.

“Jaebeom?” Sophia sends a huge smile across the table, at him and her son. “Did you and Jackson still plan on going out Saturday night?”

“Yeah,” He starts, just as Jackson cuts in, “Can you not watch Kay anymore? I’m sorry, mom, I’ll —”

“Kaylee can always come along.” Jaebeom repeats like a broken record.

“I know, but —”

“Boys!” Sophia laughs, the sound easing into the afternoon. “Of course I can still watch Kaylee. I just wanted to make sure you knew. What time will you be back?”

“I should be home by midnight.” Jackson replies with a nod.

But Sophia shakes her head. “You both have Sunday off, why not just spend it together?”

Jackson opens his mouth. Closes it. Jaebeom thinks he’s mishearing things. Jinyoung, Bambam and Yugyeom all choke on laughter.

However, Jackson's trying not to have it. “So, uh, I’ll be home by midnight and I can get Kaylee up in the morning —”

“Why don’t you stay with Jaebeom, honey? I can handle Kaylee in the mornings, you know this.”

Jaebeom tries to collect himself. Like, really tries to not make it obvious that his mind goes right to the fuckin’ gutter. Jinyoung, Yugyeom and Bambam's gazes burn hotter than the sun on the back of Jaebeom’s neck.

“Uhm, _mom_.”

“Yes?” She seems so oblivious that it has to be on purpose. “You two barely get to spend time together as a couple.” It _has_ to be on purpose.

Jackson just shakes his head, turning to Jaebeom because he doesn’t want to handle the situation anymore. “Is that cool with you?”

“Yeah.” Jaebeom doesn’t trust himself to say any more.

**\- - - - - - - - - -**

“My mom really sold me off, huh?”

Jaebeom unlocks the front door to his apartment building and pushes it open, letting Jackson go through to head up the stairs.

“Like a piece of meat.”

“Hmm,” Jackson nods, climbing up. “Eat me up.”

Jaebeom glances up, face twisting as he tries to hide a laugh at the way Jackson’s face has contorted in pure horror.

“I’ll see myself out.”

Jaebeom laughs freely now, reaching out to tug Jackson back towards his apartment, doing anything he can to stop Jackson’s dramatic antics and pull him close.

“If all goes well tonight, maybe I will eat you out.”

Jackson makes a wounded noise, “That’s— ! Not what I said!” And goes limp in Jaebeom’s arms. “Let me die of embarrassment, please and thank you.”

Jaebeom nearly drags him into the apartment.

Mark pauses the movie he and Youngjae are cuddled up watching and skips right over small talk, skipping over meaningless “how’s work?” and asks about Kaylee, Jinyoung and Yugyeom. The two couples went on a double-date lunch on Friday, and now it’s Saturday night and Jaebeom realises he’s seen Jackson everyday this week.

“They’re fine.” Jackson gives a summarized version of what he and Jaebeom spent a very long time talking about today, realizing that Jinyoung had played matchmaker while they'd both been fooling themselves about not so unrequited feelings. “Yugyeom asked me a thousand questions he probably could’ve just Googled, but I know he didn’t mean anything bad by it. Jinyoung won’t shut up about how he’s Cupid.”

“Jinyoung is the chillest straight dude I’ve ever met.” Mark smiles at the Jackson, they've grown much more comfortable with each other since they started texting more often.

“Him and Yugyeom both. I can’t believe we have hetereosexuals in our main group of friends. I thought I had removed all of them from my life.” Youngjae mumbles off-handedly, shoving popcorn in his mouth.

Jackson laughs, “Guess you can’t escape.”

Jaebeom freezes at the words ‘main group of friends’ and thinks, yeah, that’s probably what they are. Or, what they’re on their way to being. The group chat has been alive since day one, without more than a few handfuls of hours of silence at a time whenever they all get busy, or are sleeping. Bambam usually is the one sending memes at two in the morning.

“I can’t believe Yugyeom hasn’t picked up on Bambam’s extreme flirting, yet.” Mark says, kicking his legs off the couch while Youngjae laughs at that. “You two wanna sit and watch?”

“No, thanks.” Jaebeom’s hand reaches up to slide across Jackson’s shoulders and pull him in for a kiss on his hair. “We’re gonna shower and watch a movie in my room.”

Mark makes a very obscene gesture with his hand and his mouth but Jaebeom shoves Jackson into the bathroom before he can notice it.

The couple had spent the whole afternoon outside; on the pier, in the ocean and on the sand, ending the night with dinner and beers, and while Jackson had turned red at the idea of showering together, he’d agreed. He’d brought a change of pj’s for the night, too, and while seeing him show up with an overnight bag made Jaebeom think of high school sleepovers, when Mark and Bambam would show up with bags of their own, it’s also terribly endearing. This would be their first night together, and the thought of waking up next to Jackson does dumb, stupidly soft things to Jaebeom’s heart.

He turns his back while Jackson undresses, giving some privacy, and ducks his gaze towards the floor while Jackson steps into the shower spray. Jaebeom is much less shy, though, shedding his clothes and stepping behind the curtain with a quiet warning.

Whatever shyness Jackson held, dissipates while Jaebeom massages shampoo into his hair. They clean off, sharing Jaebeom’s shampoo and conditioner and creamy body wash. The smell has never been so potent, the two of them smelling like hibiscus and coconut. Jaebeom steals kisses when he can; on Jackson’s wet shoulder, on his cheek, on his forehead. He gives Jackson his own wash cloth and makes sure they’re both scrubbed clean.

Jaebeom blow dries his hair back while Jackson lies in bed, letting his hair fluff out as it air dries, as he scrolls through his Instagram and shows Jaebeom dumb videos.

When they climb into bed, scrolling through Netflix and Hulu to try and find a comedy, they cuddle close. Jaebeom leans against the pillows and Jackson sits between his legs, resting against his body.

“There’s nothing on.” Jackson complains, hovering over Superbad.

“That’s. No. There’s gotta be something.” Jaebeom takes the remote and scrolls, stopping over something that’s caught his eye. “We should watch To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. It’s cute.”

“Oh, you’re into romance? Why am I surprised?”

“What’s wrong with romance?”

“No! Nothing! It’s just… another layer.” Jackson leans back, arches just a bit so he can plant a kiss to the underside of Jaebeom’s jaw. “I’m not that big into romance, but, let’s watch it.”

For someone who doesn’t like romance, Jackson gets pretty into it. He talks to the characters, laughs along with them, and Jaebeom listens to his commentary, listens to the characters fumble their way through a cliche teen romance, Jackson nearly melting against him.

Jaebeom’s zones out the movie, eventually; he thinks of how they shared food at the mall, the secrets spilled while they held hands on the beach, kicking salt water. It all feels so good, settling into his bones and healing parts of his soul. Jaebeom doesn’t understand how he feared the two of them; how he thought they wouldn’t work out. But they’ve fallen right into each other’s lives, and Jaebeom devotes as much time as he can to Kaylee and animated films, and Jackson hums along when Jaebeom tells him about the book he and Jinyoung are reading.

Even now, their hands find each other and their fingers lace together and even though it’s been nearly four months and they haven’t had sex yet, just a few quiet, under-the-sheets handjobs, this is good. This makes Jaebeom happy, and content, and he could lean against Jackson and close his eyes and sleep.

But it’s still only eight-thirty. There’s so much of the night left.

Jackson shifts in his arms, sitting up and twisting around so he can look Jaebeom directly in the face.

“Huh?” Jaebeom stares at his boyfriend, hands falling to Jackson’s waist.

“You’re not paying attention to the movie.”

Jaebeom only nods in agreement. He opts to stare at Jackson, instead; the way he’s sun kissed after spending a day in the sun, the way he looks rested and calm, his expression gentle, his lips pretty and plump, and the way his brown hair curls out at the ends, messy, as fingers run through it. As Jaebeom runs his fingers through it, combing his hair through soft strands, pushing them away from Jackson’s face.

“Hey, handsome.” It’s so cheesy and so not like him but Jaebeom has a need to remind Jackson, at all times, that he’s handsome, or smart, or a good father.

It doesn’t help that Jackson loves the praise, and Jaebeom knows he’s turning pink. It’s too dark to really tell, and the television still plays behind him, the colors casting random shadows over his face.

The way Jackson falls forward is slow, falling right into Jaebeom’s arms and their lips pressing together and Jaebeom sighs into the kiss that’s a little crooked from the angles of their bodies.

Jackson pulls back after a bit, his lips not quite as swollen and red as Jaebeom would like them to be.

“This is our first night together.”

Jaebeom just raises an eyebrow, wondering if that had meant to sound dirty or innocent.

“And I know it’s kinda pervy of me to assume we’re gonna fuck.”

Now Jaebeom’s other eyebrow goes up.

“But I just want to put it totally out there that I’m kind of really fuckin’ nervous. And it’s like, it’s not you that makes me nervous, it’s just? Like, this situation? Like. I’ve had sex, obviously.” Jackson’s eyes widen, slowly with embarrassment. “In case my daughter didn’t make that super obvious. And you’ve like, oh my God, like, touched my dick a few times please stop looking at me like that.”

Jaebeom has one leg bent now, so he can rest his elbow on his knee and his head in his palm, looking at Jackson in a way that he hopes shows how absolutely adorable he thinks his boyfriend is.

“Please, continue.”

Jackson chews his lip. “Stop making fun of me.”

He’s not. “I’m not.”

“That expression tells me otherwise.”

Jaebeom leans forward for a sweet kiss, then leans back against the pillows. “I want you to be honest and open while knowing I would never make fun of you for how you feel.”

Jackson blinks, relaxing at the words. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“So.” Jackson takes a deep breath and Jaebeom already knows that means Jackson word vomit is coming, so he braces himself, “I guess what I’m trying to say it that I totally want to do more with you and I appreciate how you take everything so fuckin’ slow and have not once complained about the lack of sex but also, like, we don’t get a lot of alone time and I don’t want to jump into anything tonight but I also really wanna jump into it tonight. Because I’ve been literally dreaming about that piercing in your mouth.”

All the blood in Jaebeom’s body immediately changes course, and he does his very best to control his desire. “I want to make sure you’re ready, I can wait for you.”

Jackson twists, sitting so he’s between Jaebeom’s thighs, the two of them facing each other. He situates himself so his legs are open around Jaebeom’s waist.

“See, it’s when you say sentimental, sappy shit like that that makes me feel even more ready. I like boys? But I think I tend to swing more towards girls?”

“Valid. You’re still bi.”

Jackson chews his lip again, but Jaebeom reaches up to cup Jackson’s face, using his thumbs to pull Jackson’s lip free from his teeth.

“I’m still bi.” He says it in a breath, like it’s a relief. “And I’ve only dated one other dude, but I like you. And you’re my boyfriend. And that makes me happy. And I’m ready to, like, do more. It's not like I'm _scared_ of anything, but you’ve told me how you’ve slept around and like —”

“They weren’t my boyfriends. You are.” Jaebeom moves his hands from Jackson’s face to his waist, pulling him closer, so their hips are almost touching. He leans forward for a kiss. “I care about you. So, there’s no rush. If you’re nervous about doing something new, we’ll wait. We’ll work up to it, or we won’t. Whatever makes you the most comfortable.”

Jaebeom feels around for the remote to pause the movie. The room fills with the sound of the A/C blowing through the vents, through the softest sound of their breathing. Jackson just blinks at him, his eyes wide and processing, like he’s taking all this information and processing it.

And then, through the dimly lighting, through the settling, gentle ambience, Jackson almost-whispers, “You mean so much to me.”

Jaebeom just nods, leaning forward, pressing his nose against Jackson’s. That barely begins to even encompass how he truly feels, “You mean so much to me, too.” But it’s a damn good place to start.

It’s Jackson that tips in to kiss Jaebeom, decided and sure. It’s not unlike their past kisses, but it demands something different. Something that Jackson controls. Something that Jaebeom willingly bends to. He lets Jackson set the pace, doesn’t complain when it slows back down into something softer, more in familiar territory, as Jackson shifts, climbing into Jaebeom’s lap with their chests pressing and Jaebeom craning his neck back.

They kiss into each other’s open mouths, Jaebeom’s hands circling around Jackson’s waist; Jackson’s hands sliding down over his shoulders, his biceps, then back up so he can curl his fingers around the back of Jaebeom’s neck.

“Love your…” He breathes, dipping right back in to catch Jaebeom’s lower lip between his, sucking gently and bringing one hand to cradle the back of Jaebeom’s head. “Love your shoulders. I love how broad you are.”

Jaebeom’s eyes flutter open and his hands fall to cup around Jackson’s ass. To grope him, unabashed, because he’s been wanting to do that since day one.

“I love how thick your thighs are. I love your ass.” He grips a little harder, fingers pressing into the softness through Jackson’s jeans, hands trailing lower. Jackson’s hips buck and he groans, diving in for another kiss.

This one runs uncontrolled. They’re all tongue and teeth now, and Jaebeom keeps rubbing his hands on Jackson’s ass, humming in appreciation. They loosen in each other’s arms, lost to the moment wherein Jackson tugs on Jaebeom’s hair and groans into his mouth.

“I’ve caught you looking.” Jackson mumbles as he moves down to mouth along Jaebeom’s jaw. “For a while I didn’t think anything of it.”

Jaebeom closes his eyes and rests back against the pillows. Well, it’s not like he’s going to deny that he’s looked.

He reaches forward and hooks his fingers under the band of Jackson’s sweats. “Can I…?”

Jackson hums against his throat. “You, too.”

Pants and boxers off, Jackson sits right back in Jaebeom’s lap, eyes dark and daring. It makes Jaebeom shiver, hands reaching for his hips, one slipping under Jackson’s shirt to run up his stomach, teasing touches over his nipple. Jackson shivers, eyes fluttering and head falling back. He pushes his hips forward as Jaebeom touches him again.

Jaebeom leans forward and drops kisses along Jackson’s neck, deliberate, his other hand falling from Jackson’s waist to his dick sitting half-hard between them. He pauses for a fraction of a second, unsure of how to do this. He knows Jackson’s not looking for something overly romantic and sappy, but Jaebum does want to take this past a handjob. They’ve done that a few times, rushedly sneaking them in during small crunches of alone time. Jaebeom wants to give Jackson more. Wants to appreciate him in a different way.

He’s able to grip them with one hand, groaning at the sensation of Jackson’s dick pressing along the underside of his own. He moves his other hand from Jackson’s chest to his lower back, to pull him in closer, to reach the spot behind Jackson’s ear with his mouth that makes him groan a little louder.

Of course Jackson would be noisy. Of course. As much as Jaebeom wants to hear it, he presses his lips against Jackson’s earlobe, feeling for the way Jackson’s chest heaves at the attention.

“Keep it down, babe,”

Jackson bites his lip, eyelids fluttering, he’s so pretty.

So Jaebeom lays Jackson on his back. Gently, keeping their gazes locked, making sure there’s hesitation in Jackson’s eyes. And when he’s lying against the sheets, glowy against the bland colored cotton, Jaebeom’s heart clenches. Jackson’s so handsome. So wonderful.

Instead of using his mouth to say the words, he starts by using his mouth to show it. He gazes along Jackson’s jawline, slow. Nibbling. Pulling out whine after whine, locking down the column of Jackson’s neck and breathing hot against where it’s wet. Jackson chokes down a groan, hands skittering around Jaebeom’s arms.

Jaebeom takes it slow, slow. They have all evening. They have all night. He kisses and sucks until he finds all the sensitive spots on Jackson’s neck, until Jackson’s squirming underneath him, breathing brokelyn and raggedly.

“You’re so handsome.” Jaebeom mumbles, licking along Jackson’s collarbones. He drags his lips against Jackson’s pecks, opening his mouth around a nipple. Hands fly and curl into his hair. He nudges Jackson’s hands, hopes they’re on the same level here, and presses his tongue against Jackson’s pink nipple. Jackson groans just as he tugs on Jaebeom’s hair.

“Tell me if I do something you don’t like.” He says, moving down Jackson’s stomach, licking across the plane of his stomach; teeth grazing along Jackson’s belly button. His hands drag up and down Jackson’s chest, where he’s flushed and warm and damp from Jaebeom’s mouth.

“I’m liking everything you’re doing.” Jackson whispers, blinking up at the ceiling. “I don’t think…. I don’t think anyone’s ever… done this to me?”

“Why the fuck not?” Jaebeom could stay here all day, giving Jackson the attention he deserves. He kisses the very base of Jackson’s dick, smirking when Jackson jumps, swallowing down a moan.

“Dunno…” Jackson’s voice shakes. His dick leaks precum against Jaebeom’s cheek. “You’re setting the bar _real_ high, though.”

Which is so… sad. Jaebeom’s just kissing him. That’s all he’s doing, kissing Jackson up and down. Sucking little love mark into his skin, littering attention all over his body. Jackson deserves so much more.

Jaebeom cleans the precum dripping down the side of Jackson’s dick and he has to pinch Jackson’s side to remind him to keep it down.

“You can tell me what you want from me. I’ll give you whatever you want.” Jaebeom mumbles, lips still pressed against Jackson’s skin. He’s so warm. He smells so nice, musky, but not overpoweringly so. Jaebeom can’t remember the last time he felt so unrushed.

“Are you… kink negotiating with me right now? Because my brains not working enough for that.”

Jaebeom can’t help but smile, running his hands up Jackson’s shaking thighs. “No? Unless what you want from me is enough to be considered a kink? We can talk about it.”

Jackson drops his head against the pillows and groans, legs spreading as Jaebeom situates himself lower. He has enough space to hook his arms under Jackson’s thighs, and with one of Jackson’s hands cupping the side of his face, Jaebeom leans in and finally takes Jackson in his mouth. And Jackson tenses, Jaebum can feel Jackson’s muscles under his hands, he can hear the strain in Jackson’s groans.

They have all night. So Jaebeom takes it the slowest he’s ever taken it. He runs his tongue over all the ridges, along the tip, pressing the ball of his piercing into the slit, and Jackson’s legs tense around him. He drags his teeth against the vein along the underside and Jackson whines, loud and long. That's all Jaebeom does for a while; tease Jackson. He likes him and wants him to feel good; it’s that simple.

Jaebeom feels fueled by the sounds Jackson tries to cover, fueled by how Jackson wriggles underneath him, panting and silently cursing. Jaebeom sucks on him hard, jaw straining but the determination still heavy in his gut keeps him from moving away. He’s learned a few things about Jackson these past few months, and learned more in their few weeks as a couple. Jaebeom knows now what it sounds like when Jackson’s nearing the edge, and Jackson starts whining lowly, tugs on his hair, and mumbles something of a warning.

Jaebeom closes his eyes and swallows it all down. Pulls away after a breath, and comes up to wrap his arms around Jackson’s shoulders.

“You’re so good at that what the fuck.” Jackson mumbles into his neck, peppering kisses. The silent _thank you’s_ make Jaebeom smile.

Jaebeom runs a hand through Jackson’s sweat-damp hair, takes in the flush of Jackson’s cheeks, and leans in to drop a kiss where it’s all pink.

“C’mere,” Jackson mumbles, pulling him in for an open mouth kiss, his other hand snaking around his waist to adjust him onto his back. Jaebeom willingly rolls over, spreading his thighs as Jackson’s hands move him into an open position.

“You don’t have to.” Jaebeom mumbles as they break the kiss.

“I want to.” Jackson says, dropping lower until he's level with Jaebeom’s dick. Their eyes meet just as his tongue peeks out, and Jaebeom lets a moan slip out as Jackson’s breath fans over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you thank you thank you to all the lovely comments you've been leaving! they fuel me


	6. Chapter 6

Today, the morning is all theirs.

Jaebeom smiles, eyes still adjusting to the sunlight, but his heart flutters and his hands reach for wherever he can. They fall on Jackson’s chest. Slide up over his collarbones and cup around his jaw.

“G’morning.” Jackson’s smiling against his neck, lips soft. So soft. His hands are soft. The sheets are soft. The sun is warm. And Jaebeom doesn’t know how he’s lived up until today without this. He doesn’t know how he’s going to do it tomorrow when Jackson’s not here, and he has a workday to get to.

“Morning, handsome.”

Jackson chuckles against his lips. Soft, soft kisses.

Still feeling light from sleep, Jaebeom and Jackson steal a few kisses, Jackson runs his fingers up and down Jaebeom’s spine, slides his thigh between Jaebeom’s, and mumbles, “When do you want to get up?”

“Never.”

“Mhm,” Jackson hums, steals a kiss. “What a mood.” And kisses the corner of Jaebeom’s lips, then makes his way down to Jaebeom’s neck. The kisses get a little heavier, a little wetter. Jaebeom tips his head back, hands falling from Jackson’s face into his hair.

Lips attach to the sensitive part of his neck and Jaebeom groans, eyes finally focusing. He can see it’s almost eight, he can feel Jackson rolling to get on top of him, and the nibbles on his neck make him unfocused again, as Jackson’s weight settles over his own.

“We’ll never get up if you keep going.” Jaebeom scratches the back of Jackson’s neck, humming as pleasure fizzles under his skin.

“You said, and I quote, ‘Never’. So we’re never getting out of bed.” Jackson moves to mouth at his ear, tongue running over the coolness of the metals of his ears. “Is tugging on earrings a thing? Do you like that?”

How fucking cute. Jaebeom laughs a little and angles to plant a kiss on Jackson’s cheek. “Maybe? Not for me.”

“Okay.” Jackson leans back in with a little lick to Jaebeom’s lips. “Noted.”

They spent a lot of the morning in bed; talking, kissing, being.

**_____________________________________________**

**Fave Son:**  
Fuck.  
Me.

**Papa Jaeb:**  
Did you mean to text Yugyeom?

**Fave Son:**  
FUCK.  
YOU.

**Papa Jaeb:**  
I already have Jackson

**Fave Son:**  
ghjdksfhalds fuck  
Wait did yall do it

**Papa Jaeb:**  
“Do it”  
How old are you

**Fave Son:**  
Did he top u

**Papa Jaeb:**  
no we haven’t had sex yet  
Anyway  
I see there is something on your mind

**Fave Son:**  
“”””yet””” he says

**Papa Jaeb:**  
There’s a pattern here

**Fave Son:**  
Yeah i uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
I need some like… Dad advice.

**Papa Jaeb:**  
Give me a name and address  
place of employment  
class schedule

**Fave Son:**  
Not like that!!

**Papa Jaeb:**  
???

**Fave Son:**  
Listen I will forever feel Indebted that you really drove to my ex’s place of work to lunge over  
the counter and take him out

**Papa Jaeb:**  
I didn’t actually go over the counter

**Fave Son:**  
You were on the other side of the register and shoved him against the donut case

**Papa Jaeb:**  
There’s a door, a little swinging door that the employees use  
I went through there  
Then beat him up.

**Fave Son:**  
And I love you so so so so much for that. But I just need… for you to lsiten for a sec? I don’t know what to do.

**Papa Jaeb:**  
What’s it about?

**Fave Son:**  
I’m  
I don’t want to complicate things I’m so sorry

**Papa Jaeb:**  
Out with it

**Fave Son:**  
i really didn’t want to complicate things  
i really didn’t  
but it’s about one of your boyfriends bffs

**Fave Son:**  
I can see you keep starting to type and then stop

**Papa Jaeb:**  
What about Yugyeom?

**Fave Son:**  
So. My crush on him has been obvious.

**Papa Jaeb**:  
As obvious as a lighthouse in the night

**Fave Son:**  
but he never seemed to figure it out

**Papa Jaeb:**  
I don’t care who he is in relation to anyone else if you need me to say something to him I won’t hesitate. With my fists or not.  
Did he hurt you?  
Touch you??

**Fave Son**:  
wait let me just  
explain  
okay.  
we hung out the day you and jackson got Outed as a couple and we were talking about how happy we were for you two, and how hes known jackson forever and hes really happy that you two are dating!!! he’s felt iffy/not liked jacksons exes but he really likes you :(((((((  
real wholesome Best Friends Forever feels  
and jaeb ily im so happy you and jackson are happy together you guys deserve it so so so sos o much  
and idk what happened but us being on the topic of having friends since Forever just brought up a lot of old stuff and old stories. i told yugyeom how you and mark were there to do more than just protect me from bullies at school, and hold my hand when i came out to my family, but you guys were my moral support and literally went with me to hold my hand when i started going to the doctors for t  
So I told yugyeom im transgender male  
and his easy acceptance was just such  
a breath  
of fresh air  
i wish it was always that easy

**Papa Jaeb:**  
That’s good, Bammie. I’m really happy to hear that

**Fave Son:**  
it’s been like 2 weeks since! And we’ve been talking a lot!! and hanging out!! and it’s been so so so nice!! and he makes me so STUPID happy  
like WHERE have these feelings been all my life!!  
but Jaebeom im so scared and im so fucking stupid like  
idk the VIBES and the conversation we’ve been having lately.  
we have a lot overlapping wants and goals and like?? life stuff.  
today we hung out and it felt like? date-y again and he reached out and held my hand and im mcfucking losing it  
im stil panicking like i tried really hard to hide it from him but he realized something was off and dropped me off at home and has texted me like a thousand fuckgin times just being really nice and telling me i can call him if i need and he sent me some memes na di know he’s worried and trying not to push it  
and i’m all of a sudden really scared

**Papa Jaeb:**  
You deserve someone who wants to love you and show you off. Someone that loves you and appreciates you for you.  
You haven’t had luck with assholes in the past, but that doesn’t mean that’s what you deserve

**Fave Son:**  
literally got in the door and was like “what would papa Jaebeom say to me”  
I think Yugyeom wants to do that  
like i’ve been replaying everything he’s ever said to me and the dumb cute shit he’s texted me and the way he introduced me to his parents and his cousins last week

**Papa Jaeb:**  
You met his family??

**Fave Son:**  
Our relationship has totally been changing these past few weeks and i was trying so hard to tell myself it was all in my head and that it didn’t mean anything  
his attitude didn’t change not o n e bit after i came out to him instead it feels like he’s….. not like “more aggressive” but he’s  
idk  
he’sidk  
attentive  
i don’t want to tell myself he likes me bc what if i’m just reading this all wrong  
i;m so fucking scared like all my exes have been garbage i’m a garbage human being and i attract fuckin losers i don’t know what yugyeom even sees in me  
i don’t even know if he fucking LIKES me i’m jsut letting my feelings go

**Papa Jaeb:**  
You guys go on romantic carnival dates and have met each others families and hold hands and literally spend Every Waking moment together but you’re still not sure if he likes you?

**Fave Son:**  
hfikdfnsdn please

**Papa Jaeb:**  
My shift ends in an hour, I’ll come over after.

**Fave Son:**  
You don’t have to it’s fine

**Papa Jaeb:**  
I have to.  
I have to come smother you with a fucking pillow because apparently you don’t think you’re worth more than your own weight in gold  
Your exes were garbage. It’s not on you that those fuckers were assholes. that’s. Not. On. You. That’s on them. Don’t fault yourself for having endless compassion.  
Value yourself more, Bammie. You are wonderful and courageous and deserving of someone that treats you right.  
Don’t settle for anything less.  
I know you’re scared of losing Yugyeom as a friend, but it sounds like he wants to be more than that, and it’s okay that you’re scared  
But don’t back away from this  
Especially if you like him back

**Fave Son:**  
I change my mind  
Can you please come over after work so I can ugly sob into your wide ass shoulders

**_____________________________________________**

Jaebeom tells Jackson he has to cancel their plans for the night and he’ll call him tomorrow, Bambam needs him. Jaebeom can already hear the voices of his exes in his head, accusing him of cheating, guilt-tripping him for choosing his friend over them, as if his world should only encompass them, as if all this friendships ended once the relationship started. Jaebeom takes a deep breath, almost ready to argue with Jackson. But Jackson gets it. Doesn’t ask, doesn’t push.

“Okay, is he gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. He’s just… going through some shit. He needs to talk it out, and I don’t want him to be alone.”

“Alrighty, babe.” Jackson sounds a little lighter, like he’d been worried, too. “Let me know when you get home. Even if it’s late.”

Jaebeom grips the handlebars of his motorcycle, almost unsure of how to handle Jackson’s acceptance. “I will, babe.”

_I love you_.

It’s right there. On the tip of Jaebeom’s tongue. On the ledge. In his heart. But he doesn’t want to say it over the phone. It makes him feel grandiose, strangely warm, on top of the fucking world.

It’s nice, to be with someone that trusts him, no strings attached. Someone who accepts him and the people in his life.

“Jackson?”

“Yes, baby?”

I love you. It ties up the rest of the words, clogs the way, and he forces it down, revving the bike to level himself back out. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“One o’clock?”

“I can’t wait to see you.”

Jackson sounds like he’s smiling. “Miss you already.”

**_____________________________________________**

Kaylee rushes forward through the front entrance of the grocery store, Jaebeom’s eyes trained on her feet. The flip-flops make him nervous. Sometimes she moves too fast and can’t keep up with her own self so why did Jackson buy her flip-flops? Why. This is an accident waiting to happen. Jaebeom picks up a hand basket, using his free hand to close around Kaylee’s and keep her by his side. She’s old enough that she listens well, and really doesn’t need her hand held, but this is Jaebeom’s first time alone with her in public. Jackson had shown up at Jaebeom’s apartment around one like they planned, but passed the hell out once he hit the bed. Jaebeom had promised to make dinner but didn’t have the heart to wake Jackson to bring him grocery shopping.

So he took Jackson’s car keys, buckled Kaylee up in the booster seat to the best of his ability, and left. He hadn’t thought twice of it. He can handle this.

Kaylee helps with picking out vegetables, poking at tomatoes. Jaebeom lets her pick out two. He follows her to the peppers, and she picks out a few ripe ones of different colors, all the while talking about dishes her nai-nai makes.

“We need meat, too.” Jaebeom extends his hand, already facing away from the produce section. “C’mon, Kay. C’mon, honey.”

The nickname slides off his tongue and he freezes for a second, hand clasping a little too hard around Kaylee’s smaller one. He just— okay. This is fine. It feels fine. Kaylee doesn’t seem to react negatively, smiling up at him with a smile that’s so much like her father’s. If she likes it, then Jaebeom likes it, too. A perceptive girl like her noticed the nickname. She clings to his sweatpants in the meat section, Jaebeom keeping one eye on her, and the other one packaging dates.

“Jae-oppa?” She asks in the cereal section, holding a box of Frosted Flakes. “Can I?”

Except Jaebeom can already hear Jackson reading the nutrition label in a high and whiny voice, scandalized over sugar content and future sugar rushes. “How about we find something not so sugary?”

With a nod, Kaylee obediently puts the box back where she found it. She politely says hello to a woman browsing granola cereal, and does a little jog back to Jaebeom’s side. He makes eye contact with the woman and offers a quiet good afternoon, being polite only because it’d be kind of embarrassing if a six-year old were more mature and kind to strangers than he.

The woman makes her way down the aisle while Jaebeom steers Kaylee towards the Cheerios. He makes eye contact again with the woman as she passes, her gaze falling from his face to the tattoos inked across his arms. He has a new one crawling up his forearm with the owl, the earthly tones of roses and thorny vines matching the browns of the owl on his bicep, a colorful contrast to the faded colors of the clock tattoo on his other arm. Her gaze drops down to Kaylee, who’s making a huge life decision: Honey nut Cheerios, or Banana Cheerios? She loves the original flavor because Jackson packs it as a snack for her, but she wants something “Different to the taste buds.” Jaebeom doesn’t know where she learned that.

“She’s very cute.” The woman says with a smile, bending a little to say hello. “You’re very pretty and very smart. How old are you?”

“Five! My name is Kaylee, what’s yours?”

“I’m Emily.” The woman smiles, tucking her brown hair behind her ear. When she smiles, she doesn’t look much older than Jaebeom himself. When she stands and leans back, she puts a hand on her belly, and only then does Jaebeom realize she’s a little round.

An urge to ask comes up, but Jaebeom keeps his mouth shut, eyeing Emily’s belly. He doesn’t want to assume because he knows how rude it is, but he also wants to ask because he’s curious.

“I love the name Kaylee.” Emily looks at Jaebeom now, and he’s not sure why he gets so nervous. “Did you pick it out?”

“She’s— Kaylee’s—” Fuck. Jaebeom doesn’t know why he doesn't know how to handle the situation but he doesn’t know how to handle the situation. “She’s not my daughter.”

“Oh!” Emily’s blue eyes widen, and her cheeks turn pink. “I’m sorry, I assumed…”

Kaylee blinks up at him, and Jaebeom doesn’t know how to explain the way his chest hurts. He also feels a little guilty, because Emily seems to be just as distraught. She holds her stomach with both hands, though, and Jaebeom notes that she is pregnant.

“I’m sorry— “ She starts again, already backing up.

“Aren’t you my daddy?”

Both of Kaylee’s small hands come up to hold onto Jaebeom’s one. He sways; the ground shifts.

“I have two daddys.” Kaylee continues on, and Jaebeom doesn’t stop her. He’s still reeling, trying to make sense of the way Kaylee has uncomplicated Jackson and Jaebeom’s relationship. “My real daddy is at home, this is my daddy’s boyfriend.” She gives Jaebeom a little shake but his arm feels like it’s not his own limb. “So he’s my second daddy.”

Some shitty, over-played love song sounds too loud from the stores speakers. Jaebeom knows it’s not any louder now than it was seconds ago, but everything is too much. The music, the way Emily looks at him, the way Kaylee’s grips only fit around two of his fingers. All the worries Jaebeom has, all the ways he’s knotted up his own thoughts of his relationship with Jackson and Kaylee, wondering where he stands with them, unravels.

_Daughter_. The word ricochets around his insides, wades in his stomach until he feels it lurch a little sickly, but then curls up next to his heart.

“Should I… go?” Emily takes half a step to the side, and Jaebeom looks up at her, needing a second to focus, pull himself back into the moment.

“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry.” He gestures for her to wait a moment, he doesn’t want her to feel awkward, even though she’d just witnessed a pivotal moment in his life and doesn’t even know his name. “I know my boyfriend did a lot of searching online. Baby name forums, and all that. I know they considered Savannah and Rae, too. What are you considering?”

Emily smiles down at her stomach, relief pouring through the way she rubs at her stomach. “Still not sure if it’s a boy or a girl, my husband and I haven’t decided yet if we want to know. But I like Heather for a girl, or Michael, after my dad.”

Jaebeom doesn’t really have much of an opinion on either of those names and he doesn’t know how to continue conversation about pregnancy. Great.

Luckily for him, Kaylee walks up to Emily, hand extended. “Can I feel the baby?”

“They’re not kicking yet.” Emily doesn’t mind, letting Kaylee lay a hand over her shirt. “She’s really adorable. How long have you and her father been together?”

“Six months.” Jaebeom replies, “But we’ve known each other for longer.”

“You and Kaylee seem very close. It looks like you’ve been together her whole life.”

That’s how Jaebeom finds himself standing in the cereal aisle, holding Kaylee in his arms while he talks to a stranger about her excitement for her first child. He has his own stories about Kaylee, about how she’s cranky in the mornings, she has a favorite scrunchie, or how she likes to sit on his shoulders while brushing her teeth. It’s now that he realizes how much of a family they are; how Jackson sleeps over multiple times a week, Kaylee sleeping soundly between them. He’s surprised Mark and Youngjae haven’t complained about the toddler running around the apartment at all times of the day.

They’re family. He’s Kaylee’s daddy. Everything he’s feared about relationships and commitments still shakes somewhere inside him, but he rushes head on into this thing with Jackson and Kaylee doing it anyway.

Their conversation gets cut short with Jackson calling. Jaebeom excuses himself, and Emily says she has to go, too. He wishes her luck, and hands the phone to Kaylee.

“Hi daddy!” She waves at the phone, a little uncoordinated now that she has to walk and Facetime. Jaebeom uses one hand to guide her to the front of the store and into line. She tells Jackson all about their trip, the young girl at the register throwing a smile at Kaylee as she blabbers to her dad about Cheerios. She ended up with both flavors because Jaebeom’s weak to her pout.

Once outside, Jaebeom takes the phone to quickly tell Jackson they’re on their way back. Jackson looks sleepy, and he’s clearly still in bed. In Jaebeom’s bed, waiting for his boyfriend and daughter to come back home and that stirs something in Jaebeom’s subconscious. He almost says I love you as he hangs up.

He realizes he means it.

Kaylee climbs into the car while Jaebeom loads the bags into the trunk, and she’s seated when he comes around to buckle her up.

“Jae-oppa?”

“Yes?”

“Can I call you appa?”

Jaebeom bursts. He can’t even answer with the way his grin stretches across his face. Kaylee reaches for him, smashing their faces together. She presses a kiss to the tip of his nose.

“Yes you can, honey.”

**_____________________________________________**

It’s here: the first day of kindergarten.

Jaebeom stayed at the Wang’s house until past midnight last night, trying to be the level-headed one of the relationship by reassuring a sobbing Jackson that it’s gonna be okay. On the way home he got a little misty eyed thinking of how much Kaylee’s grown in the months that he’s known her.

Now he’s back, it’s seven in the morning, riled up with the excitement that he and Jackson are sending Kaylee off to school together. The plan as of right now: Jackson drives them to the school, they go inside, see Kaylee off, Jackson drives him and Jaebeom back to the house, Jackson goes to class, Jaebeom goes to work.

What he didn’t expect was Sophia and Ricky would be gone today. He knows they’re both still working, but for some reason he thought they’d be here. It’s more official without them here, though.

Jaebeom makes sure Kaylee’s lunch is packed up, packs it in a Hello Kitty lunchbox he finds under the cupboard. He helps Kaylee get her shoes on while Jackson brushes his teeth upstairs. It’s domestic. It’s natural.

It flips Jaebeom’s world upside down.

He gets Kaylee in the carseat while Jackson double checks her backpack, his hands shaking as he zips it back up.

“She’s all set.” He says from the front seat. Jaebeom clicks the buckle into place, gives it a tug to make sure it’s in there, and Kaylee’s hands come up to cup his face.

“Appa, I want kisses.”

Right. Jaebeom hasn’t told his boyfriend about this. He can almost hear the way Jackson’s neck snaps as he whips around in the front seat.

With his heart in his throat, Jaebeom leans in, drops a kiss on Kaylee’s nose. “Anything for you, honey.”

He slides into the passenger seat and tries to play it cool by avoiding eye contact with Jackson. It’s not a big deal. It’s totally not a big deal that Kaylee calls him dad.

Except his heart is still climbing up his throat and his eyes are a little watery and hearing her say appa in her sweet voice makes him feel like he could protect her from the world.

Kaylee babbles through the ride, more excited than nervous for her first day. It’s all she’s been talking about since the tour of the school last week. It’s also all Jackson’s been crying about, more devastated over her first day than he is excited for the start of his final semester of nursing.

At the school, some parents have already started trickling in. There are two moms already standing by the front desk of Kaylee’s new classroom and they both turn when Jaebeom knocks on the doorway. The teacher makes her way around the two women, pretty brown hair loose down her back and eyes friendly and warm.

“Hello! I’m Miss Garcia.” She shakes Jaebeom’s hands, eyes falling over the tattoos on his arms, taking them in instead of judging. Then she shakes Jackson’s hand. “You’re Jackson, right? Jackson Wang? And Kaylee! Hi, honey, do you remember me?”

Kaylee extends her hand, Miss Garcia bends over a bit to shake her hand. “I remember you! Good morning!”

“Good morning to you, too. Why don’t you put your bag in your locker while I talk to you daddy? And then we’ll introduce you to your classmates.” She steps aside and gestures to the wall to their right, lined with cubbies already labeled. There are three other kids in the class, sitting at a red table a few feet over.

“Okay!” Kaylee gestures over her shoulder, already heading over to find her name and cubby. “Bye, daddy! Bye appa!”

“Oh!” Miss Garcia laughs, swatting at the air and trying to dispel the horror that emulates off of Jackson. Jaebeom reaches out and takes Jackson’s limp hand in his own. “Kaylee! Your daddy isn’t leaving just yet!”

But Kaylee’s already halfway across the room, having figured out the names are in order alphabetically. She hangs up her backpack, turns to the three kids, and makes her way over.

Miss Garcia turns back to Jackson, face pressed awkwardly as she tries very hard not to laugh at what’s happening in front of her. “She’s, uh, an independent little thing, isn’t she?”

Jackson croaks out a, “Yeah,”

Since Jackson’s going through a crisis and is suddenly incapable, Jaebeom steps forward, reaching out to shake Miss Garcia’s hand. She smiles widely at him, gestures to his ears. “I love the earrings.”

Jaebeom smiles at her. “Thank you.”

Her eyes dart down to his mouth when he speaks, again, noticing instead of judging. Jaebeom decides he likes her.

Miss Garcia glances at Jackson. Jaebeom gets that they look funny together; Jackson in bright yellow track pants and a white shirt, grey sneakers, and Jaebeom in a faded baggy tee and Vans. They look like some weird crossover.

Jackson’s still malfunctioning, so Jaebeom continues to smile, struggling to uphold the Adult image he’s been bestowed with. “I’m Jaebeom Im. I’m Jackson’s boyfriend.”

Miss Garcia smiles back at him. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m glad you’re here for Jackson.”

Jaebeom slides an arm around Jackson’s shoulders. Gives him a little shake. “It’s been a long morning.”

“I’ve cried a total of three times.” Jackson admits in a small voice.

“He’ll cry again on the car ride home.” Jaebeom teases, and Miss Garcia laughs at that.

She brings them into the classroom, where Jackson puts on his best Adult Face and greets the other two mothers. They seem enthusiastic to meet the two, exchange pleasantries and introduce their kids from across the room; Jayme and Tucker. It looks like the two of them and Kaylee have already hit it off, excitedly talking about Tucker’s dog at home.

Parents slowly trickle in, Jaebeom tries to remember names and faces, guides Jackson with a hand on his middle back. Miss Garcia hands out an information sheet with her email and personal cell, a few other important numbers. Jackson and Jaebeom sit with Kaylee even though she doesn’t need help printing her name on a piece of paper, sliding it into a little plastic sleeve and tying string together to hang it around her neck. She ties together two colors, yellow and black, because they remind her of her her daddies.

Jaebeom’s aware that a few of the parents look over in their direction, but he doesn’t care enough to decipher what the looks may mean. It’s the first day of Kindergarten and he’s already promised himself he wouldn’t let his temper ruin anything. The morning shouldn’t run long, anyway. Just a few introductions and they’ll be on their way.

The kids stand up with their mom or dad, or both, in front of the class and give small introductions; they talk about their pets, or their favorite food. One kid, Sebastian, wears a cape, and his mother stands aside and beams as he karate kicks his way through an introduction and tells everyone he plans on being a superhero when he grows up. A chorus of “me too’s!” ring around the room.

For Kaylee’s turn, she stands up in front with one hand holding Jackson’s, one holding Jaebeom’s. She puffs out her chest and projects her voice in a way only Jackson’s daughter could.

“I’m Kaylee Wang! I’m five! I live at 75 Oak— ”

“— Kay, pumpkin. You don’t have to tell them where you live.” Jackson turns red, Jaebeom brings his free hand to his face to hide his grin.

“Oh,” Kaylee stops, blinks. The room chuckles. “Well, uh.” She pouts her face, trying to think of something else to share. “I’m Chinese-Colombian-American! Because my daddy’s Chinese, and my mom’s Colombian. But I don’t know my mom.” She looks around at the mothers, but smiles like it’s nothing.

The room stills, Jackson’s face twists like he might cry, and Jaebeom’s heart drops. Kaylee never talks about her mother. Never. She never got the chance to know her. Even Jaebeom doesn’t know much about her, just that she and Jackson broke up a few months after Kaylee was born, and that she left a few months after that. And that’s the end of the story. Jackson has full custody.

“But that’s okay! Because now I have two daddies! And they love each other very much and love me very much and make me very happy. I’m very happy.” Kaylee grins at the class full of parents that are half-torn over looking sympathetic, and the other half that smiles bittersweetly at her confession.

“Is there anything else you’d like to share with the class?” Miss Garcia asks from the side, giving Jackson and Jaebeom and thumbs up.

Kaylee shrugs. “I don’t know! I really like Steven Universe!”

The mood of the classroom changes, kids are standing in their seat and excitedly shouting about things Jaebeom still doesn’t understand. Jackson breathes, color evening out over his face. He looks over and locks gazes with Jaebeom, and the only thing Jaebeom can do is mouth, You’re doing great. Jackson nods at him.

They sit through a few more introductions until it’s all over, and Jackson and Jaebeom take turns giving Kaylee kisses. She insists that she’s fine, and already wants to run off to play with Jayme. She waves good-bye as they head out.

On the ride home, Jaebeom drives so Jackson can push his seat all the way back and stare at the car roof.

Halfway back to Jackson’s house Jackson speaks through the silence, barely louder than the melody from the radio. “She calls you appa.”

Jaebeom stares at the red light. “Yeah.”

“When’d she start doing that?”

“A few days ago, at the grocery store.”

She’s only done it once since, before announcing it in front of fourteen kids and their parents.

“The day I went to your place after work and immediately passed out?”

“Yep.”

Jackson doesn’t say anything. Jaebeom distracts himself by listening intently to commercials. There’s a mattress sale happening now, a trial period for some weight loss supplement.

“You act like it.”

Jaebeom keeps his eyes on the road. “What do you mean?”

But then it’s quiet again. A quiet Jackson means trouble. Like when Kaylee’s suddenly quiet, not in the yard or in the living room, it means she’s up to something.

Jaebeom knows exactly what Jackson’s mulling over, though, there won’t be a surprise hiding behind a closed door, like the time Jaebeom found Kaylee in Jackson’s room doused in half a bottle of cologne that had been left within her reach.

He follows Jackson inside, locks the door behind them.

Jackson paces from the couch to where Jaebeom stands by the front door, wringing his hands.

“You’re fine with that? You’re totally fine with Kaylee calling you dad?”

“Yeah,” Jaebeom reaches out when Jackson walks into arm’s reach, pulling him so they’re face to face and holding hands. “Jackson… You and Kaylee…”

It’s complicated.

They’ve weaved into his life and reinvigorated his goals and inspired him, given him motivation and drive when he didn’t know he was looking for it. They’ve given him unconditional love. They’ve sorted out the mess in his head. Just like Kaylee said, they make him happy.

“...I love you.”

It’s not that complicated.

Jackson breathes in, a deep rise and fall of his chest that Jaebeom forces himself to match to. A deep, calming breath between them. And then another, and then one more that Jaebeom feels because Jackson’s barely inches from him now. Their hands hang intertwined at their sides because there’s no more space between them.

The way Jackson kisses him feels like, I love you, too. Soft, like the petals of the sunflower on their first date; seeking, like the way it reached for the sky.

Jackson’s fingers slide out from between Jaebeom’s, fingers sliding up his skin, cupping his jaw, holding him. Jaebeom’s hands curl around Jackson’s waist.

“I love you too, Jaebeommie.”

Their chests press as they kiss, just a moment for the two of them after a fitful morning, steady and firm like the tide, curling a little deeper as Jaebeom opens his mouth, slips his tongue against Jackson’s. He grips Jackson’s sides a little harder as a hand pets through his hair.

It goes nowhere else, though. They have their day to get to. They’ve said all they can say.

“You and Kaylee should spend the night at my apartment.”

Jackson hangs around Jaebeom’s neck, swaying forward for another kiss. “Kaylee has to be dropped off at school and then I have class.”

“That’s fine. We can get ready together in the morning.”

“You aren’t sick of us yet? Mark and Youngjae are okay with us?”

Jaebeom kisses him again. “They both love you and Kay. It’s my day off. I’ll drive you guys and pick you both up.”

Jackson presses forward for a kiss, and another. “I love you.” He grins, Jaebeom leans in to kiss the corner of it.

“I love you too.”

**_____________________________________________**

**Seunnie**:  
hey bb

**Beommie**:  
Hi babe.

**Seunnie**:  
what are you wearing

**Beommie**:  
?

**Seunnie**:  
what are you wearing

**Beommie**:  
nothing? I’m home from the interview and have the rest of the day off?

**Seunnie**:  
without me? :(

**Beommie**:  
weren’t you going to see Jinyoung today?

**Seunnie**:  
he’s not here yet and i miss you :(  
send nudes?

**Beommie**:  
what

**Seunnie**:  
nudes.  
babe.  
baby  
i want to see your cock  
your thi nnchk

**Beommie**:  
…..

**Seunnie**:  
HELLO  
THAT WAS JINGOUNY  
JINYOUNG  
YOU DON THA VE TO TO SEND NUDES

**Beommie**:  
what the fuck

**Seunnie**:  
HE THOUGHT IT’D BE FUNNY

**Beommie**:  
jinyoung was asking for nudes?

**Seunnie**:  
HYEA I’M SORRY I SWEAR IT WASN T ME  
ITS HACKSON NOW

**Beommie**:  
hi, Hackson. i’m JB

**Seunnie**:  
no you can’t take the dad jokes away from me that’s my thing :(

**Beommie**:  
I’m app tho so :( same thing :(

**Seunnie**:  
…… s-stop  
that’s so soft  
i’m giving up my life of violence jinyoung is forgiven he may live another day  
PLEASE COME HERE SO I CAN KISS THE LIVING DAYLIGHT SOUT OF YOU

**Beommie**:  
Do you have to let Jinyoung live though

**Seunnie**:  
he says fuck you  
didnt say hyung how disrespectful

**Beommie:**  
Does he want the nudes or not

**Seunnie**:  
LOL VERY FUNNY

**Beommie**:  
I’m not funny  
:|

**Seunnie**:  
ple ase he thinks this is hilarious he won’t stop laughing

**Beommie**:  
Well he put in the request

**Seunnie**:  
LOL ILLKILL YOU

**Beommie**:  
Serious inquiries only

**Seunnie**:  
uhhhh what if i was being serious?  
me  
the boyf

**Beommie**:  
………………………

**Seunnie**:  
asking as a boyf

**Beommie**:  
…………………………………………….  
……………didn’t you have plans today?

**Seunnie**:  
i’m gonna rearrange my plans so you can rearrange my guts

**Beommie**:  
Please don’t ever say that again

**Seunnie**:  
but……….. babe ;(

**Beommie**:  
Go hang out with Jinyoung. He got drunk last weekend and called me crying that i stole his best friend  
also please tell him that asking to see another dudes dick isn’t the straight guy thing to do

**Seunnie**:  
LMAOOOO

**_____________________________________________**

It’s not cold, but for Mark, who has never experienced a winter outside of California, it’s cold, so all the windows in the apartment stay shut. It’s barely October.

Jaebeom enjoys the way it cools down at night, sleeping with the window open, a standing fan circulating the air around the room. He sleeps most comfortably in this weather.

Thankfully, so do Jackson and Kaylee.

This whole father/daughter thing is new, probably happened a little faster than Jaebeom thought he’d be ready for, but Jaebeom’s less scared than a month or so ago, still gets tingly when Kaylee calls him ‘appa.’ He thought he could barely take care of himself, nonetheless a child but here’s here, doing it. They sleep over a few times a week.

It can’t be late, since neither his nor Jackson’s alarms have sounded yet, but it’s definitely not too early, with how the sun hits him in the face.

Jaebeom rolls over, careful not to squish Kaylee. He’s learned she likes to sleep curled up against his back, his shirt bunched up in her little fists with Jackson on her other side, one arm thrown limply over the two of them.

Except Kaylee’s not in the bed. Jaebeom opens his eyes and sees Jackson’s sleeping face — a beautiful sight — but Kaylee’s supposed to be there.

Jaebeom snaps up in bed, blinks until the room stops spinning and sees the bedroom door cracked open. He slides out of bed, careful not to disturb Jackson, they have another forty minutes until their alarms go off and those are a precious forty minutes Jaebeom doesn’t want to steal. Especially when it’s a day off.

He knocks against the corner when he spins into the living room. He picks up the sound of Kaylee’s voice. And Mark’s.

“They protect the Earth!!” Kaylee says, perched at the kitchen table, her feet kicking at the air. She holds a spoon in one hand, the other hand pressed against her forehead, truly distressed. “The crystal gems protect the Earth from the bad guys!”

Ah, yes. More Steven Universe talk. Jaebeom slides into the chair next to her, slumping over the table.

“Morning, appa.”

He responds with his cheek pressed against the petrified wood.

“They sound so cool. I want to be a crystal gem.” Mark says, and there’s the sound of a chair scraping against the tiles, the sound of him putting his plate down on the table.

“You remind me of lion.” Kaylee gestures to Mark’s newly-dyed hair, a golden blond weaved with darker accents. Bambam had put his foot down and argued he wouldn’t bleach Mark’s scalp anymore. The red had to go. It’s been months.

“Who’s lion?”

“A lion.”

“Oh.”

Jaebeom laughs at the exchange, bringing his hands up to scrub at his face. He isn’t awake yet, so he closes his eyes and gets as comfortable as he can like this, blearily listening to Kaylee and Mark talk.

Mark’s good with kids, has a few nieces and nephews of his own, and it didn’t take very many meetings for Kaylee to fall absolutely in love with him. She gets excited when he switches to Mandarin with her. Last night, while they were taking an evening walk to the nearby bakery to pick up bread, she had boldly taken his hand instead of Jaebeom’s or Jackson’s and talked his ear off the whole way there and back.

“I have to go to work now, okay?”

Jaebeom blinks, not realizing he’d dozed off at the kitchen table. He lifts his head as Kaylee hands over her empty bowl to Mark, who thanks her and washes it, then pats her on the head when he’s about to leave.

“Markie!” She yells, hands in the air. “Kisses!”

Mark swoops in and plants a kiss to her forehead. “See you later, peanut.”

Kaylee giggles, bringing her hands to her face, grinning widely until Mark’s shoes are on and he’s out the door.

Leaning into his palm, Jaebeom reaches over to pinch Kaylee’s cheek. She squeaks and laughs, shying away from his touch. “Why were you bothering Mark so early?”

“That’s my husband.” Kaylee says matter-of-factly. Jaebeom’s eyebrows shoot up into his forehead.

Mark’s her _what_ now.

From over his shoulder, comes Jackson’s tired drawl, “Who’s got a husband?”

“Mark and I are getting married!” Kaylee stretches her arms out and Jackson comes to pick her up, sitting in her seat with her in his lap.

Jackson smiles at her, but turns towards Jaebeom. “She’s five and already boy-crazy. What am I gonna do when she’s a teenager?”

“No!” Kaylee screams before Jaebeom can even put together words. “Just Mark!”

Jackson sighs, long and pained. “It’s too early to deal with this. Can we go watch cartoons in bed, pumpkin?”

While he goes and sets up the television, Jaebeom hangs back to make some coffee and get the pancake mix. He hears the patter of Jackson’s bare feet on the tiles, and two familiar arms wrap around his waist as he whisks the eggs, milk and mix.

“How do I totally validate her feelings and show her unyielding support now, so that when she’s older she doesn’t feel the need to hide anything from me?”

Jaebeom sighs at the bowl of mush in his hands. “I can’t think this early in the morning.”

“I want her to tell me everything, like, all her crushes and relationships. I don’t want her to think she has to hide anything, you know? Like bad grades, first kisses, her friends. I want her to know she can call me if she’s ever somewhere that makes her uncomfortable and I’m not gonna punish her for trusting me.” Jackson smushes his face into Jaebeom’s shoulders, rubbing his face like a cat.

“Just keep doing what you’re doing, babe. My first thought was; Bambam would help me hide Mark’s body.”

Jackson laughs, high and loud and squeezes tight. Too tight. Jaebeom almost misses the pan and gets pancake mix all over the stove. “At least I know I have you and your fists to back me up. Punching people is kind of your thing.”

“And you can’t take that away from me.” Jaebeom huffs. Jackson laughs a little more, sways them.

“I love you.”

“Love you, too.” He smiles as Jackson presses a kiss to the back of his neck. “I’ll bring you breakfast in bed once it’s ready.”

“Ugh, fucking romantic.” Jackson peppers more kisses along Jaebeom’s shoulders. “I love you. I love your shoulders, you’re like, it’s like.” Jackson breaks away, Jaebeom doesn’t have to turn around to know he’s being eyed. Jackson’s arms slip away from his waist so his hands can trail his shoulder line and down his sides, stopping at his waist. Then the hands trail back up. “You’re shaped like a dorito chip—”

“— I fuckin _hate_ you —”

“A whole _snack_.”

Teeth sink into Jaebeom’s bicep, not enough to bruise or leave a mark, but Jaebeom chases Jackson out of the kitchen by threatening to drown him in the batter.

**_____________________________________________**

**Jaebeom**  
So did you know that Kaylee calls you her husband, Mark?

**Mark**  
she does what now

**Jaebeom**  
Claims you two are getting married

**Mark**  
she’s so precious of course i’ll marry her

**Youngjae**  
Do I have to defend my honor against a 5 yr old

**Jaebeom**  
Do I have to defend my daughter

**Youngjae**  
daughter

**Mark**  
dude i love you and i love my little peanut but im still adjusting

**Jaebeom**  
???

**Youngjae**  
Peanut? You have a cute nickname for kaylee  
dassit girlie square up im getting my mans back

**Mark**  
LOL babe  
i love you  
but @ jaeb like im really happy for you and jackson and kaylee but. she calls you appa. and you call her daughter  
like the Jaebeom i know has a daughter  
it’s  
i’m happy for you guys but also shocked n confused still  
a good shocked n confused

**Youngjae**  
I cried when she first called you appa in front of us ngl

**Jaebeom**  
I’m? Still getting used to it but also already used to it  
It just makes me happy? She makes me happy  
They both make me happy

**Youngjae**  
Appa of the year :(((((

**Mark**  
fuck i love you guys so much  
I’m so glad you two confessed to each other. i cant believe you really thought you and jackson werent good for each other

**Jaebeom**  
Love you both sfm  
But Mark you don’t have my blessings

**Mark**  
you’re not the one marrying me kaylee is so  
ur opinion doesn’t matter  
women aren’t property they are autonomous and intelligent and can marry whomever tf they want

**Youngjae**  
women are Powerful

**Jaebeom**  
of course she can marry whoever she wants. All I want is to know that person makes her happy and treats her like a princess  
You, however, you’re a rat

**Mark**  
I WILL BRING THE PLAGUE

**Jaebeom**  
A RAT

**Youngjae**  
babe how can i defend you when you agree to being called a rat hfsjkgss

**_____________________________________________**

Mark, bent in half over the shopping cart, scrolls through his phone without a care for where the back of Jaebeom’s ankles are in relation to the cart. Jaebeom spins around with intent to murder over the bruise forming, but stops himself when he sees the look on Mark’s face. He’s lost, totally on another planet.

“What’s up?”

It takes a second for the words to process, Mark blinking up at Jaebeom, still glossy.

“Youngjae’s gonna come out to his parents.”

Jaebeom knows Youngjae’s parents; they’ve met a few times, mostly in passing, but they’re judgmental, strict and overbearing, to a point where Youngjae desperately hides everything from them. He’s cried over things they’ve said to him, and carried secrets until it drove him mad.

“Why?” Jaebeom and Youngjae have been doing nothing but shooting the shit these past few days at work and the topic hasn’t come up. He’s noticed that Youngjae gets quieter, chews his lip when he thinks Jaebeom’s not paying attention, but Jaebeom never pressed it. He knows Youngjae will come to him if he needs to. Especially when they haven’t done anything serious at work. They’re both putting in their two weeks; Youngjae has finals and residency coming up, Jaebeom has a job offer. A nine to five.

“He’s…” Mark grips his phone and stares at the blank screen. They’re about to have a heart to heart in the chips isle. “Our third anniversary is coming up.”

Youngjae keeps his parents so out of the loop that they don’t even know he’s had lunch every Sunday at someone else’s house for the past two years.

“I’m getting promoted to supervisor at work—”

“Shit, congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Mark laughs a little. “Got the word today, during my review.” He sighs, rubs at his face. “Youngjae feels… I don’t know? Amped by everything that’s going on? You’re a dad, you start a fancy new office job in two weeks, I’m getting a promotion, Yugyeom and Bambam are finally dating, Jackson’s got only one semester left. Jae says he feels like all his friends are going through these huge life changes but he still feels trapped by his parents, and he worries about me…”

“Well,” Jaebeom leans against the other end of the carriage. “I know it’s been bothering you. For three years.”

“I’m afraid of how they’re going to react when he comes out.” Mark blinks, blinks faster, and rubs tears from his eyes. “Fuck, this is embarrassing. I’m afraid of how his hot-headed dad is going to react.”

Jaebeom sucks in a breath, not wanting to imagine it. “Should we be there— should you be there?”

“If you think I won’t get the cops called on my ass for assaulting his father if he even raises a _single_ finger at Youngjae then you don’t know me.”

“We could both be there?”

Mark wipes another tear that strays down his cheek. “Who’s gonna keep _you_ in line?”

“Uh,”

“Yeah.” Mark laughs, though it’s a little watery. “I just think he’s being impulsive about this. I love him. I love him so much. Like I think about him being in my life ten years from now, and I was gonna surprise him with a trip to Disney when he graduates, and I’m so scared that his parents are either gonna kick him out or lock him in his room —”

“Are you proposing at Disney?”

Mark’s voice cracks, and more tears well up and Jaebeom thinks,_ shit, shit, now’s not the time_. He grabs the edge of the carriage and pulls.

“That was a really bad joke I’m trying really hard to get better at those.”

They finish grocery shopping quickly, grabbing only a few more things before checking out. Jaebeom puts the whole thing on his card, they can figure out how to split it later. And he loads everything in the back of Mark’s coupe.

“He could live with us, y’know.” Jaebeom says, means it. “He’s already got a key. He spends the night, like, all the time.”

“His parents suspect he’s in a relationship, especially since he slept over three nights in a row last week. I know they’ve been raggin’ on him, he called me crying the other morning.”

Jaebeom leans back in the seat and puts his feet up on the dashboard. “What if we’re all there? The whole gang of us? We’ll help him pack his shit and move out.”

Mark chews his lip, takes a deep breath. “I’ll… let me talk to him, first.”

“I’m so serious.” Jaebeom repeats, he really needs to drive this home. Mark’s not the only one that loves and wants to protect Youngjae. “Youngjae’s like my little brother. It’s fine if he moves in with us. We can figure out the rent and shit later, when he’s started working again.”

“Thank you.” Mark breathes, his eyes swirling with tears and… something Jaebeom isn’t too familiar with. “Thank you, Jaebeom.”

**_____________________________________________**

“What are you doing?” Jackson fits himself right into Jaebeom’s side. Jaebeom accommodates easily, gesturing to the television where Steven Universe jumps through space.

“Catching up so I can finally understand what the fuck Kaylee goes on about.”

They’re quiet for a moment. Jaebeom knows that Jackson keeps looking up at him. “This is season one.”

“How many seasons are there?” Jaebeom already knows he’s going to catch up on them all. He’s no fool. He’s a sucker for cartoons.

“Five.”

Jaebeom swings an arm around Jackson’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Jackson settles with his face in the crook of Jaebeom’s neck. “Is there a movie, too?”

“I have no idea.”

“I’ll have to find out.” He looks back at the television, where Pearl nags. Again. “I’m surprised Mark and I never watched this when we were high.”

Jackson doesn’t flinch like he used to when this topic comes up. “When was the last time you smoked?”

Honestly? “Two… three? Weeks ago?”

He feels the vibrations of Jackson’s hum, more than hears it. Jaebeom slides further down into the bed, and Jackson rearranges to sit between his legs. He goes back to burying his face in Jaebeom’s neck. “How’s Mark doing?”

“Smoked with me, but hasn’t had a cigarette in four months.”

“Damn, congratulates to him. It’s hard to quit.”

After a pause, totally engrossed in the show, Jaebeom reaches up to slide his fingers through Jackson’s hair. “Youngjae’s quite the motivator.” And then, something else clicks in his head. “Youngjae’s moving in with Mark and me.”

“Kay’s gonna battle him to the death for his man.” Jackson laughs, voice already slipping as he gets too comfortable in Jaebeom’s arms, shoulders slumped and breathing evening out.

“We have plastic lightsabers in the closet, they can actually fight it out.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

Jaebeom presses his fingers where he knows it tickles, and Jackson makes a high pitched noise against his skin. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Mark’s a huge nerd, is what it means.”

“The only reason I’ve ever watched Star Trek is because of him and Bam.”

Jackson wriggles out of his arms, stares Jaebeom down with a look that tells him he’s dumb as fuck.

“What?”

“You say Star Trek when we’re talking about lightsabers? Now you’re just being purposefully ignorant.”

“I really didn’t—”

“One more side-ways jab at Star Wars and you’re going _home_.” At that, Jackson flops over, completely disentangling himself and taking all his warmth with him. Jaebeom steals a glance at his boyfriend’s face, and just can’t help it when his thoughts start to stumble into the gutter. Jackson’s parents are gone for a glorious fifteen days, back in China for reasons they’d told Jaebeom but he hadn’t caught because his mind had run away when he realized he and Jackson could share a bed. Alone.

He pauses the cartoon (he’s interested, he wants to see what happens next,) but he and Jackson don’t get a lot of alone time and he’s not the type of guy to miss out on opportunity. He wants Jackson to fuck him senseless, and there has never been a better window than right now.

Jacksons lifts the pillow off his head when Jaebeom sits squarely on Jackson’s hips, and Jackson stares up at him, eyebrow arched.

“Well,” He glances down at their position. “That didn’t take you long.”

Jaebeom just shrugs.

“Have you no shame?”

Jaebeom pulls off his shirt.

“Clearly not.” Jackson mumbles, his hands fall to Jaebeom’s thighs anyway, and when he squeezes, Jaebeom delights.

“You know.” He takes a deep breath, rolls his hips. Then he tips his head back, already getting excited at the thoughts that rush through his head. “It’s stupid if you think I’m not going to jump you every chance we get.”

“I’ll get tired.”

Jaebeom reaches down, works on tugging Jackson’s tee off. Why’d they even bother with clothing?

“That’s fine. I’ll ride you.”

Jackson clears his throat forcefully, hands slipping up to Jaebeom’s waist. He blinks, trying to control his desire but Jaebeom smirks at it, grinding his hips again. His blunt nails scrape against Jackson’s stomach, and Jaebeom presses down harder just as Jackson pushes up, and Jaebeom’s skin jumps. He really doesn’t want any foreplay, not right now. Maybe after, another round.

They meet for a kiss, and Jaebeom already works to get their pants off.

“Impatient much?” Jackson mumbles.

It’s not a complaint, though. So Jaebeom trucks on in a tunnel vision haze, kissing Jackson all messy and whiny.

“You make me impatient.” He mutters, dipping to kiss along Jackson’s neck. Small moans drip from Jackson’s lips. His voice is so low.

“I literally haven’t done anything.” Jackson holds onto him anyway, huffing a little and arching as Jaebeom finds his sensitive spot.

“Just… shut up and fuck me.”

Jackson hums a little, a hand sliding down Jaebeom’s back, reaching for the hem of his shirt and pulling it off him. Both Jackson's arms fall around Jaebeom’s shoulders, and he’s not sure how he’s the one that ended up on top, between Jackson’s legs, because it’s not how he wants this. It’s the position he’s most used to, and hopefully he’ll end up back here again soon, but he doesn’t want Jackson to feel pressured, or like he has to. Jaebeom would never want that for Jackson.

“I need to…” Jackson mumbles, hand moving to swat at his nightstand “Let me prep you.” His eyes are already dark, and when Jaebeom slides off him only long enough for them to both get fully naked, Jaebeom snags the lube from Jackson’s hands. He rolls over, pulling him in for a kiss.

It’s mostly teeth and a lot of fumbling, Jackson trying to get himself kneeling between his legs, but both of them pulling at each other with need, moaning into each other’s mouths.

They have all night, but Jaebeom’s been waiting too long for this to really care about how needy he must look, pushing the lube into Jackson’s hands and whispering, “Please, hurry.”

“I’m not hurrying this.” Jackson mumbles, uncapping the lube and spilling some over his fingers. He rubs his fingers together and decides he needs a little more. Which, Jaebeom isn’t complaining, but he does mouth incessantly at Jackson’s neck, smirking when he feels Jackson shiver against him.

“You like it here?” Jaebeom runs a hand through Jackson’s hair and clings to him with his other arm, opening his mouth and pressing his tongue against the spot. He applies more pressure, and Jackson groans. He latches on and nibbles on it, reddening the skin there, and Jackson’s arms shake. He groans louder, rubs his face against the side of Jaebeom’s head. That’s all he needs to know that yes, that’s Jackson’s sensitive spot.

Jackson gets his revenge minutes later, when he’s two fingers deep inside Jaebeom, and curls them right into his prostate.

“You like it here?” Jackson teases, applying a bit more pressure and if it weren’t for the heat swarming through his nerves, maybe Jaebeom would have a witty response instead of just gasping and dragging his blunt nails down Jackson’s back. Something that’s not his desperate little plea;

“Just fuck me,”

Jackson looks up at him, fingers sliding out. “Are you sure you’re ready?”

“Yeah.”

They get a second to breathe, Jackson lathering himself with lube and slipping on a condom while Jaebeom relaxes against the sheets, shoulders pushing into the mattress. He catches Jackson gaze as Jackson kneels between his legs, one hand moving to his dick so he can guide himself. It's so slow and careful, Jaebeom’s mouth falling open with every bit pushing into him.

By the time Jackson’s pushed fully into him, Jaebeom’s nerves feel alive, pleasure shooting up his spine.

“Missed your cock.” Jaebeom mumbles, and Jackson sounds like he chokes.

It’s been a while for them; they’re busy, there’s not enough privacy between quick blowjobs in the bathroom and the rare nights where Jackson finds a babysitter, and they go out, enjoying each other’s company outside the bedroom. They’ve only had sex a handful of times— and while Jaebeom’s not complaining, he’s also a little desperate, and that reads in the way he loses himself. At least Jackson’s right with him, hands gripping Jaebeom’s thighs in a way he hopes leaves marks, hips stuttering as he fucks into him, as Jaebeom has to slap a hand over his mouth in hopes to not make too much noise. He chases his orgasm, lets Jackson fuck him and chase his own.

He comes with a quiet warning, gripping Jackson’s shoulders, nibbling his neck and murmuring sweetness into his ear. Jackson gasps as Jaebeom tightens around him, and groans as he finishes.

Jackson slides out and pulls the condom off, and Jaebeom quickly rolls over to hug him, smiling as Jackson covers his forehead in kisses.

“Hey.” Jackson whispers, aiming kisses wherever the hell he can, and Jaebeom feels more than he’s ever felt before.

“What?”

“I love you.” Jackson wraps his arms around Jaebeom to pull him in for a kiss on the lips, and Jaebeom mumbles,

“I need twenty minutes and you can have it again.”

Jackson laughs, rolling onto of him and burying his face in his neck, just settling to lie on top of Jaebeom and scoff. “I hate everything about what you just said.”

“So you don’t want—”

“Not what I said.” Jackson mumbles, kissing Jaebeom’s neck before lying back against him. “Kaylee sleeps through the night. We won’t be bothered.”

After a sleepy minute, Jaebeom just slipping his fingers through Jackson’s hair, he mumbles, “I love you, too.”


	7. Chapter 7

Youngjae had spent more time at home organizing his things; sorting things between 'pack' and 'garbage.' Jaebeom's never been in Youngjae's room before, but it looks like a shell. Empty storage bins lie around, a pile of books in a box, clothes set aside, that are set for donations. He said he’s had to be slow about packing, so his parents didn’t figure out what was going on before it happened. Jaebeom has his own problems with his parents, but the damaged relationship Youngjae has with his own family is a kind of taxing he can’t imagine.

“It’ll be better in long run. You’ll be able to be yourself. And happy.” Bambam says, rubbing up and down Youngjae’s arm.

The gang moves around Youngjae’s room, packing what’s already been prepared to put away, carrying bags of clothes to the car and dumping all the products on the vanity into boxes.

"Why don't you keep these?" Mark asks, picking up a children's book. These are his memories.

"There's no room in the apartment." Youngjae doesn't appear to be too upset about the paperbacks.

He doesn't seem upset about most of it, honestly. Youngjae has always been pretty practical, holding onto things only if they have sentimental value. He's stripped most of his closet, said he didn't need half of what he threw into the donation pile. He throws out old Pokemon cards, burned CD's, and keeps the essentials. Jaebeom doesn’t blame him for wanting to move on.

Bambam picks up a yearbook from his bottom shelf, flipping through the pages. "What about this?"

"Eh," Youngjae shrugs. "Let my parents have it."

Outside, they load up Mark and Jackson's cars with what's left of Youngjae's belongings. Yugyeom and Bambam take the things that need to be donated and they all plan to meet back at the apartment.

They need to unload the cars pretty quickly, get all the boxes in the living room at the apartment. Youngjae wants to come out to his parents face to face, so he and Mark need to head right back out to make it back to the house before Youngjae's parents get home from work. He turns on his 100-watt smile as the group wishes him heartfelt good luck's, and heads out.

Jaebeom sighs, staring at the boxes in his living room.

Things happen so fast. He remembers, not even a year ago, watching Mark smoke out the window and wonder if he and Youngjae were going to break up. Now they're all living together. Now, Mark doesn't smoke anymore. Now, Jaebeom has a new position at a new job, something he might be able to turn into a career. He has a boyfriend, a daughter, a bigger, wonderful group of friends. 

It's Jinyoung that claps a hand on his shoulder and brings him back with a little shake.

"Let's get dinner ready?"

They meet Jackson in the kitchen, who's filling up a pot with water. "What if we made dumplings?!"

"That takes way too long." Jinyoung says, digging through the cabinets.

"I want dumplings though."

"And I'm telling you we don't have time." Jinyoung rolls his eyes.

Bambam and Yugyeom get back then, and even Bambam gets a little quiet looking at all the boxes. He’d been lucky, his mom and his aunt supported him through his own journey, and his brothers and sisters had thrown a party for him after his sessions and surgery had been over. He takes a moment to just soak it all in.

"Should we unpack for him?" Bambam asks, pointing to the clothes and shoes. Most things were left on hangers, it shouldn't be too hard to do.

Jackson goes with Bambam to clean up, and Jaebeom turns back to the stove, sprinkling salt into the water.

"What do we want for dinner?" Jinyoung asks, closing the cabinet and turning to Jaebeom.

Jaebeom shrugs, dinner being the last thing on his mind. “I dunno. Something easy.”

“So, ramen? Ramen and spam?” Yugyeom reaches around Jinyoung to re-open the cabinet. “There’s enough in here to feed all of us.”

When Youngjae and Mark come back home a few hours later, his eyes are red, and Mark’s set like stone.

No one asks how it went. Instead they sit around the living room and eat, pass around the food. No one tries to act super excited or happy, letting different waves of conversation sweep across the group. It’s meant to be comforting. Jaebeom thinks it works, just having everyone together, here, a mutual sign of love and support.

As they’re cleaning up, Jackson hangs back and tugs Youngjae into a hug.

Jaebeom turns away so they can have their moment, and he doesn’t know what Jackson whispers to Youngjae, but he smiles genuinely and hugs Jackson back. He doesn't know when the two of them got so close. Honestly, he doesn't know when _any_ of them got so close, but he doesn't know what he'd do if they weren't here. 

“We’re a big, happy family, huh?” Jinyoung has a small smile on his face. Jaebeom realizes, _yeah_, that’s what they are.

\----- One Year Later -----

**Mark:**  
bam you have the worst fucking schedule. if you can’t make it, you can’t make it.

**Bambam:**  
IM NOT MISSING OUT ON DADS BIRTHDAY

**Mark:**  
so then take a day off?? wtf

**Bambam:**  
this appointment was planned MONTHS ago i can’t cancel on the final session of a SLEEVE

**Jinyoung:**  
Am I the only one that thinks it’s weird that Bambam calls Jaebum-hyung ‘dad’?

**Mark:**  
do you not know how birthdays work  
they’re the same day every year

**Bambam:**  
IT’S ON A MONDAY HOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW YALL WERE GONNA DO SOMETHING ON A MONDAY  
DO SOMETHING ON SATURDAY LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE

**Yugyeom:**  
Literally no one here is normal, babe

**Bambam:**  
NOT THE POINT

**Yugyeom:**  
Sorry :(

**Jackson:**  
omg guys if no one’s requested the day off then we’ll just move the day! It’s still more than a month in advance!

**Jaebum:**  
im at work my phone keeps going off stfu

**Mark:**  
we’re arguing over YOU

**Jaebum:**  
oh, continue

**Jackson:**  
hfsdknfdklf bby

**Yugyeom:**  
lmao

**Mark:**  
it’s stupid to celebrate a birthday BEFORE the birthday

**Bambam:**  
NO ITS NOT  
THEN LETS DO THE WEEKEND AFTER

**Jackson:**  
what if we did thurs instead?

**Bambam:**  
HEATHENs  
LISTEN TO JACKSON, THE BOYFRIEND OF THE BIRTHDAY BOY

**Mark:**  
////I’M//// the one planning this

**Jackson:**  
????????  
I’m going to help?  
Tf?

**Mark:**  
I’ve planned jb’s birthdays for the past 10 years

**Yugyeom:**  
oof

**Jinyoung:**  
Sorry, Jackson, Mark has seniority

**Jackson:**  
IT’S A BIRTHDAY PARTY OFR MY BOYFRIEND I’M GONNA FUCKING HELP  
MY BOYFRIEND AUTHORITY TRUMPS YOURS  
MY FIRST ORDER OF DECREE: WERE DOING IT ON THURS SO EVERYONE CAN BE THERE

**Jinyoung:**  
I have meetings on Thursdays and work until 7

**Bambam:**  
JINYOUNG THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THIGNS

**Jackson:**  
waht about friday

**Mark:**  
it’s the first friday in the new year

**Jinyoung:**  
Sorry :(

**Mark:**  
EVERYWHERE is gonna be PACKED

**Youngjae:**  
omg hyung if you couldve just waited another week to be born this argument wouldnt be happening rn

**Jaebum:**  
alright what the FUCK goes on

**Yugyeom:**  
omg

**Bambam:**  
MOST OF US WORK WEEKENDS, TOO

**Jaebum:**  
Guys. This doesn’t have to be such a big deal. We can hang out early, and call it early

**Jackson:**  
yeah jb’s usually passed tf out by like, 10

**Yugyeom:**  
rip

**Jackson:**  
give him some wine and he’s dead to the world by 9  
like, before kaylee's even asleep

**Youngjae:**  
lmfao same

**Jaebum:**  
Each of you buy me cupcakes and I’ll be happy

**Jackson:**  
it’s true i won him over with blueberry-orange scones

**Jaebum:**  
I still dream about those

**Jackson:**  
i know  
truly  
you mumble about them in your sleep  
and then i have nightmares

**Yugyeom:**  
t/w: scones

**Jackson:**  
the bakery was the worst job in the world i’d rather deal with people with maggots in their toes than customers shaking the front doors at 4:01 demanding to know why we’re not open yet

**Bambam:**  
did you say MAGGOTS in their TOES

**Mark:**  
#justnursingthings

**Yugyeom:**  
YOUNGJAE CAN YOU CONFIRM

**Youngjae:**  
i haven’t dealt with maggots  
but do you know how often i pull things out of people’s asses

**Yugyeom:**  
what

**Jaebum:**  
what

**Bambam:**  
what

**Youngjae:**  
If you need to know how to shove things up there please ask me I have brochures

**Jackson:**  
Yeah I can confirm that ones true

**Jinyoung:**  
What

**Bambam:**  
IM CONCERNED POHFDSFFHEWDSDSF

**Mark:**  
moving on

**Jinyoung:**  
Yeah  
moving on  
JB’s birthday  
We’re getting cupcakes?  
I think it’s super cute that jb’s this Bad Boy with the biggest sweet tooth

**Yugyeom:**  
right? his extra cream, caramel coffees break the simulation

**Jackson:**  
jbs flavor is  
strawberries

**Yugyeom:**  
There’s a joke in there

**Bambam:**  
CAN I MAKE IT A N Y MORE O B V I O U S

**Jackson:**  
I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THATHGJSK HFDSJD STOP

**Mark**:  
jb’s omega slick flavor

**Bambam:**  
DID YOU  
USJT

**Jackson:**  
MAAAAAARK

**Yugyeom:**  
GUYS JACKSON’S LITERALLY SCREAMING

**Youngjae:**  
B ABE

**Jackson:**  
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARKUS

**Bambam:**  
okay but real talk jb’s an alpha

**Yugyeom:**  
KAYLEE CAME RUNNING FROM THE OTHER ROOM TO GET ME BECAUSE JACKSO N IS  
S C R E AMIN G

**Bambam:**  
why are u with jackson and not me?

**Jinyoung:**  
Why are you at jackson’s?? I live literally 3 doors down and wasn’t invited?

**Yugyeom:**  
I wanted food :<

**Jinyoung:**  
I hope those noodles taste bitter like betrayal

**Youngjae:**  
HWAT GOES ON

**Jaebum:**  
I’ve??? Never been so offended?  
I’m an alpha

**Mark:**  
nah you’re an omega you love being babied and youre a clumsy fuck in front of your crush  
and you told me you were the one gettin dicked the first few times yall fucked

**Jackson:**  
guys pl ease ghfskjsldsask

**Jaebum:**  
jackson’s the omega

**Jackson**:  
HOW COME YOURE OFFENDED WHEN CALLED AN OMEGA BUT I GOTTA JUST TAKE IT  
wait

**Yugyeom:**  
THERE’S A JOK EIN THERE SOMEWHERE

**Youngjae:**  
jacks you’re digging your own grave here

**Jaebum:**  
A whiny, needy bottom who loves to be praised? Sounds like an omega

**Jinyoung:**  
I know I’m going to regret asking.  
Why are we talking about wolf pack dynamics?  
And sex? What’s happening?

**Bambam:**  
JINYOUNG

**Yugyeom:**  
Ignorance is bliss

**Jinyoung:**  
Is this like that seme/uke thing?

**Mark;**  
I’ll dm you

**Jinyoung:**  
Okay???

**Jackson:**  
BABE WAIT PLS

**Bambam:**  
yall switch tho TRUE alphas don’t bottom they dont got slick

**Jaebum:**  
lube exists in abo, dumbass

**Youngjae:**  
‘whiny, needy and loves to be praised’ this is more than i ever needed to know

**Jackson:**  
STOPPPPpp  
You guys really talk about this stuff????

**Youngjae:**  
Not really? We mostly just joke about it

**Jaebum:**  
Oh wait.  
Baby  
If you’re uncomfortable with this I’m sorry I take it back i shouldn’t of said anything  
I’ll kill everyone in this group chat if need be

**Jackson:**  
you’d kill mark for me………...?

**Bambam:**  
alpha/omega dynamics happening RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY NUGGETS

**Yugyeom:**  
ngl that was a pretty alpha thing to say

**Jackson**:  
So its official  
Im omega

**Bambam:**  
gfkghsal i love how jacks just…. Accepts fate

**Mark:**  
If it makes you feel better, i’m 100% omega youngjae is my alpha

**Yugyeom**:  
:O  
really???

**Bambam:**  
not what i excpeted??? but okay?

**Youngjae:**  
:)

**Jinyoung:**  
Mark jsut took my innocence

**Bambam:**  
Jinyoung comes back a changed man

**Yugyeom:**  
Still hetero tho, tragic

**Youngjae:**  
press f to pay respects

**Mark:**  
ffffffffff

**Yugyeom:**  
F

**Jaebum:**  
I’d kill mark for you

**Mark:**  
???????  
I was literally trying to plan your BIRTHDAY PARTY

**Bambam:**  
top 10 anime betrayals

**Jackson:**  
o//////////////o

**Bambam:**  
wow  
why did i think  
jackson was alpha  
for even .00001 seconds

**Youngjae:**  
You’re not the brightest

**Yugyeom:**  
HSIUHSKDNSDOILFKSEDSJK

**Bambam:**  
WHAT THE FCK  
BABE YOU TOO?!?!?!?

**Yugyeom:**  
IM SORRY LMFAO

Bambam:  
i walk a lonely road…….. the only one that i have ever known….

**Mark:**  
Alright jackson you can have the burden of planning jb’s birthday i’m not doing it

**Jaebum:**  
love you markie xoxoxoxoxo

**Mark:**  
you wont have to kill me i’ll kill myself

**Jackson:**  
I throw bomb ass parties

**Bambam:**  
lmao where’d jinyoung go

**Yugyeom:**  
no offence you havent partied since kaylee was born that was 5+ years ago

**Jinyoung:**  
Much to think about

**Mark**:  
jin’s still asking me 1000 questions

**Jinyoung:**  
Do I want to know what a knot is? No. Do I have a morbid curiosity? Yes.

**Jackson:**  
i SAID  
i throw bomb ass parties

**Yugyeom:**  
kids parties***

**Jackson:**  
SHUT THE FUCK

**Mark:**  
Jinyoungie’s gonna need counseling

**Jinyoung:**  
It’s a whole new world out there

**Youngjae:**  
hashjfhlkshad markie be gentle

**Mark:**  
Jinyoung just asked what a bottom is

**Jinyoung:**  
I asked you that in private

**Bambam:**  
/points at jackson

**Jinyoung:**  
I thought you wouldn’t do this to me, Mark-hyung

**Jaebum:**  
/points at bam

**Bambam:**  
i cannot deny the scientific truth

**Yugyeom:**  
I plead the 5th

**Jackson:**  
remember when i thought i was straight?  
phew

**Youngjae:**  
you guys never figured out what day we’re having hyung’s party

**Mark:**  
I could not care any less

**Youngjae:**  
babe, dont worry  
Do you really think jb could go thru me to get to you?

**Yugyeom:**  
Gasps  
The alpha!!!!!

**Mark:**  
Thank you, my love

**Bambam:**  
Mark’s too small to be an alpha anyway  
tbh yugyeom and i are both betas

**Jaebum:**  
No you’re both pains in my ass

**Jackson:**  
WE’RE DOING IT ON SATURDAY, THE SATURDAY AFTER JBS BIRTHDAY AND YOU’RE ALL GOING TO REQUEST THE DAY OFF  
WE’LL MEET AT JB/MARK/YOUNGJAES APARTMENT AROUND 5 AND PLAY GAMES AND WATCH SOME TV AND GRUB OUT  
AND EVERYONE WILL BE ASLEEP BY MIDNIGHT BRING PILLOWS AND BLANKETS

**Bambam:**  
jacks is the only pain in your ass

**Jackson:**  
SOTP OFHSDIFBSDKFJN

_____________________________________________________

Jaebeom rolls into bed, wrapping two arms around Jackson and pulling him in as little spoon. He’s pliant as Jaebeom moves his limbs around into the perfect cuddling position, and once Jaebeom curls comfortably around him, Jackson looks away from his phone and glances over his shoulder.

“Yes?”

“Love you.” Jaebeom mumbles, kissing the back of his head. “Thanks for planning my birthday party.”

Jackson laughs, turning back to his phone. “Mark’s planning most of it. He still won’t give me control.”

The sounds of small feet on hardwood come pattering down the hall, and Jackson sits up, interrupting the cuddle to glare over Jaebeom’s shoulders. Kaylee stumbles a little in the doorway when she sees her dad’s glare, already knowing what's coming next, she tries to dodge the incoming argument they've had thousands of times.

“No!” She screeches, as defiant as the stubborn, headstrong girl she’s already growing up to be. At only six years old.

“Where are you socks!” Jackson climbs out of Jaebeom’s arms, Kaylee screaming high pitched and enough to probably worry the neighbors. “Socks, Kay! Where are your socks!”

Kaylee dashes into the room and grabs a book off the night table, running out with her pigtails bouncing and Jackson cussing under his breath.

“She’s gonna get sick.” He mumbles, digging through the drawer for socks. “And then I’m gonna get sick and you’re gonna get sick and Mark’s gonna get sick… and then Youngjae. And I’ll have play nurse at home...”

Jaebeom just lets him vent, pulling the covers over his shoulders to try and preserve some of the warmth from their cuddle. “Mhm, that’s great, babe.”

Jackson jabs a thumb into Jaebeom's side as he exits the room to go wrestle socks on his daughters feet. Jaebeom just lets him at it. A few seconds later, he hears the very-familiar sound of Kaylee resisting socks, and Mark’s yelling and Youngjae’s laughing, which means she’s in their bed. Again.

A few moments later and the yelling dies down. Jaebeom listens to hear if he’s needed. Otherwise, he’s not moving from bed.

Thankfully, Jackson comes back without needing assistance, and this time, Jaebeom’s little spoon.

“Where’s Kay?” Jaebeom cuddles back into Jackson's arms.

“She’s reading to Mark and Youngjae.”

She does that most nights. Jackson got pretty teary eyed at first, when he saw her climbing into their bed to read to them. But Youngjae usually falls asleep within the first few pages and Mark tries to help her sound out bigger words but ends up dozing off, and then Kaylee comes back into Jackson and Jaebeom’s bed and usually ends up accidentally hitting on of them in the face with the corner of the book, and all is well again.

“Do Mark and Youngjae really not mind.”

“They love Kay.” Jaebeom snuggles back into Jackson’s chest.

“Yeah, but, don’t they want, like, _alone_ time.”

Jaebeom sighs. “You sleep over only a few nights a week. They’re fine. They’ll live. If Mark had a problem, he’d tell me.”

“But what if he—”

“He’d tell me.” Jaebeom insists, relaxing into bed, getting ready for sleep.

“Okay.” Jackson says in a small voice. He pulls Jaebeom a little closer, and Jaebeom can feel him relax. “How’s work?”

“Hm, tiring.” Jaebeom says, reaching down to hold Jackson’s hand. “Oh, they want to send us to Chicago for a few days, meet the branch over there.”

“When?”

“Next month? They haven’t worked out the details yet.” Jaebeom’s office job has gotten better over time, now that he’s been there for a year already, and has learned much about petty office culture. It helps that his coworkers don’t know much about him, as he tends to keep a low profile and wears long sleeves to cover his tattoos, wears mostly studs, even though the bar through his tongue has stuck-up middle-aged coworkers gazing unfavorably at it when it peeks out when he speaks to them.

But Jaebeom’s smart, and good at his position. It’s kind of a game, playing with the people that judge him simply by the way he looks. There are a handful of coworkers his age that he’s formed a quiet little mutual alliance with, and he hopes they’re a part of the Chicago trip. Over-all, he’s adjusted fairly well, he thinks.

Besides, if he fought someone he’d lose his job, and he, Jackson, Mark and Youngjae are talking about the possibility of a three bedroom apartment this upcoming summer, and he needs to be able to contribute to his part of rent.

“You know…” Jaebeom starts after a few minutes, waits for Jackson to make a noise signifying he’s still awake and listening. “If Mark and Youngjae were bothered by Kaylee being in their room, they wouldn’t be talking about living with us in a bigger place.”

Jackson takes a deep breath but says nothing for so long that Jaebeom thinks he might actually be sleeping.

“I love you.” Jackson mumbles.

Jaebeom brings Jackson’s hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles. “Love you, too.”

“I love you!!” Kaylee barrels into the room, flinging herself onto the bed and wedging herself in the middle of the two of them, grabbing Jaebeom’s face for kisses. Jaebeom throws an arm around her and plants kisses all over her face, telling her over and over that he loves her, he loves her so much.

Kaylee giggles in delight, fighting out of his grip so she can settle under the blankets.

"Good night, appa," Kaylee mumbles. "Good night, daddy."

"Good night, pumpkin." Jackson replies as Jaebeom says, "Night, my little gem."

After a few minutes, Jaebeom feels two, cold little feet press against his arms. He just smiles to himself, though, letting her get away with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic went for a fucking RIDE. so thank you to everyone that's read, left kudos and/or comments. i really appreciate you and your patience. 
> 
> i hope everyone is well, healthy and safe. take care of yourselves. see you next time!!


End file.
